To know Phoebe is to
by magicmyth
Summary: To know Phoebe is to.. Part 1. Better to have loved and lost. Part 2 Phoebe being Phoebe. Some strong language and sex Part 3,The Final. Keeping it in the Family
1. Default Chapter

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 1:Better to have loved and lost

Chapter 1

**_It was summer solstice evening on a beach in Ireland, far away on the west coast ;an isolated lonely beach with clean white sand and steep cliffs towered over by rugged brilliantly green hills, just a small cove far away from the world where the mist was rolled in as it done for thousands of years. In a corner of the beach perched on a rock, a man dressed in dark clothing sat watching the waves crash; watching feeling mist surround him with an eerie dampness. And he audibly sighed. Time, distance, change, technology and still the beaches and the weather, and the course of nature remained constant._**

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**_He remembered oh so many, many years ago, Phoebe mimicking with glee the demon known as the Seer, a demon only he would remember now "I have no sway over the weather." _**

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**_He smiled to himself Phoebe, good or evil had gift for bitchery that always made him smile. So long ago. How many time since then had he sat on beaches alone, because being alone on a beach was one way he could find her. She came to him on beaches. Once he had sat on beaches and watched waves to protect himself from pain. And now he did it to remember love. So many, many years on, and in all the loneliness of years without her, the memory of that brief time with her was enough to sustain him._**

**……………………………………………………………………………………… **

Phoebe Halliwell sat at her desk and gave up all pretence of trying to work. One of Phoebe's problems, one of her many, she noted, was that she could never find inspiration to write unless there was a deadline hanging over her. Unfortunately she had nearly 5 days before the next one and she remained uninspired.

And as she was uninspired to work, and all things magic seemed very quiet, and Piper was so focused on her baby and Paige happily absorbing herself in studying witchcraft and herbs, Phoebe had nothing to do and no one to think about but herself and where her life was and thinking about that made her think of Cole. He was an itch that would not go away. The more she told herself to not think about him, the more he was in her thoughts.

It was a year to the day when Phoebe had turned away and left Cole alone in the wasteland. It had been a very hard year since then. During the first six long, horrible months Phoebe and her sisters had very nearly descended into evil themselves, as they followed their quest to destroy Cole. Nearly descended to evil because they had lost the way of their calling as protectors of the innocent, and had taken a role as judge and jury and executioner by making themselves the arbitrators of who was innocent and who wasn't.

Phoebe still could not think of the narrow escape they had had without shaking. If Paige had not somehow hung onto her sense of what was evil, despite he sisters scathing comments; if she had not been able to make Phoebe question her motive just enough to get a vision of the evil, evil future that awaited the Charmed Ones; if Cole had not been able to somehow drag himself from the brink of evil and the depths of madness But then she told herself, if , if means nothing. Those things did not happen so it was no use worrying about what might have been. But those thoughts frightened her all the same.

In some ways the next six months had been gentler and easier. Phoebe and her sisters had concentrated, in fact actively sought to find and protect innocents. Piper's daughter had been born and all the joy of her arrival had in some ways made the pain of the previous months fade. Fortunately as far as Phoebe was concerned, three month old Melinda seemed to be following the path of a normal baby and was showing no signs of controlling any magic that she had shown in the womb. Apparently, the baby had only been able to tap into her mother's control of the power, so the family could take great joy in the presence of a normal baby in the household. And if Phoebe had a little pang when she held Piper's baby, she could swallow it with a sincere regret but no longer bitterness or blame on Cole.

In the year since she had left Cole in the wasteland and then divorced him when he returned, she had dated a little. There was Miles but she preferred not to think of Miles except, as a warning that she must be on guard about her motives in dealing with other people. There had been a colleague from work who she had dated and slept with for a few weeks and the relationship had left her feeling unfulfilled and not quite clean, fearful she was using him. There had been one more, a man she picked up almost for casual sex, a man she met at P3 who came on with a strong line about how beautiful she was when she badly needed to be told she was beautiful, after Cole had walked away from her the last time. And that was worse, because it was a line, and he stayed a week and found some one else. And then Phoebe had found, bad as it was to be alone with herself, it was better than being alone with some one else.

So she had decided after Melinda was born it was better to be a Charmed One and an aunt than battle her way through the dating game. When she had been twenty, dating, seeking out partners, scoring had been exciting, made her feel she was some one special, someone desirable when male after male had wanted her.

Since then she had learnt that being special was when one man wanted you, cared about you, fought for you, risked everything to be with you. Cole was a hard act to follow. These days that thought was always ended with a nagging fear that it was an impossible act to follow. In her job she met many attractive men and quite a number tried their luck, she never could accept and she had some weeks previously come to the conclusion why? A 6'2 ex demon, tall dark and good-looking, whose blue eyes had sparkled with love for her. Damn him.

As Phoebe passed the anniversary of each horror date after Cole became the source; their mockery of a wedding, moving out of the manor, the crowning as his queen, the vanquish and the loss of her baby thinking of Cole made her think more of the good times and the good times had been good. They had been friends, lovers, soul mates. They had laughed together, shared romance, and silly games and tender moments. She had had fun with Cole. No need to put up barriers, no need to fear he would find out about the magic, no need to pretend she was a better or worse person than she was, he wanted her. Damn him.

She had started to wonder where they would be if, she had not let evil take her over to try and destroy Cole's fragile hold on good when he returned from the wasteland. What would have happened if she had given in and let him prove himself, court her again as he had wanted to do? Perhaps they would be together, and she would be having sex with some one who did not want to use her, just wanted to love her and make her happy and who was damnably good as a lover. Phoebe sighed recognising that half her problem was that she just plan horny.

Sometime after the last horror anniversary, when the baby had gone, the thought also crossed Phoebe's mind that if Cole really was good now, there was no reason for them not to be together, well the only reason that she could think of, was that he did not want to be with her.Phoebe was beginning to face the inevitable truth that she had once told Cole. She would always love him. The realisation should have come to he as a huge revelation. But it came as an accepted fact of her life, It was a nagging ache, a bitter core and a secret pleasure she hugged to herself.

She dare not even mention it to her sisters; it was a private dark guilty secret. She loved Cole. Always had, always would. And the fear was there of course; because of the price her family had paid for the love she had for that demon. They had stood by her and supported her and suffered because of her and for her.

There was no logical reason for them to hate Cole. They had all, at times been overcome by evil possession and only been stopped by some very good luck and powerful magic. Perhaps hate was to strong a word but Phoebe's family had accepted Cole as their family and been prepared to love him for her sake, and whether he had meant to or not he had betrayed that love. They accepted that Cole was good. In fact all of them, Phoebe, her sisters and Leo could acknowledge the courage and honour he had shown and the sheer guts it took for him to follow the path they had asked him to take.

But it still came down to the fact of Cole, his existence; his presence was a reminder of their own failure, of a year of facing hard and bitter facts. She could well understand her sister's panic at the thought of Cole being part of their lives again, even if they knew on one level he was good. She shared the fear they would feel. But in the weeks following those last anniversaries, it occurred to Phoebe that the last year had also been a year of rebirth and validation. Maybe Cole could be the symbol of that too. Maybe if she and Cole were together again, it could help heal her family. Or cause a rift that would never heal.

Phoebe fantasised a little about what it would have been like, if she and Cole had found away to be together. Fanaticising about possibilities, she thought of the advice Phoebe would give to Pheobe if she wrote and asked

I have decided to get back with my ex. When we broke up it was very bitter and my family really can't forgive him for the way he behaved. How do I get them to accept him again and get on with him again?

She would reply

Your family and your ex have to learn to live with each other, to accept that they are not perfect. They need to meet and learn to find again the things they all had in common.

"That would be good" she thought. "I could ask Cole to dinner, for a truce so that everybody can learn to get on with each other again. I could get Piper to make him a lemon pie"

Then Phoebe giggled. Piper would probably say yes very sweetly and put pepper in it. Phoebe thought of them all sitting around the dining room table, Leo glum and disapproving, Paige snarking and sulking and Piper and Cole bitching, snarling, sarcastic, and pushing it up to the full fifteen rounds.

"Not a good idea" Phoebe thought.

Then she thought perhaps what she would write was:

Perhaps you should make sure your ex agrees with your decision before you start planning how to mend fences with your family.

If she fantasised, if she ever did work thing out with Cole, it maybe better to tell the family about it later. Tell them all, Piper, Paige, Leo and Cole, they were going to make nice for her sake or she would make all their lives hell. Or maybe not.

Or maybe she ought to let them fight it out and pretend she did not know what was happening. Or maybe not.

Then she was suddenly overcome by fear, that she could even consider them being together. He was dangerous, for her for her family. He did not mean to be but he was.

"Just fanaticising" she told herself, but it was a big admission to openly think she could possibly be with Cole again. Because although she did love Cole, without a doubt loved Cole, and a deep part of her soul missed him with a throbbing that was too painful to acknowledge, she resented it. She was angry with him because she did love him.

She had only seen him once and spoken to him once on the phone in six months. When pushed he had simply said, he loved her but needed to be away from her and he had stuck to that answer. Phoebe knew he was still working as a lawyer in San Francisco because in the last thee months he contacted her family fairly regularly. He sent Leo a box of cigars when Melinda was born to Piper's irritation. Apparently his desire to be good had not dulled his ability to be annoying, and then over the next few months, he had contacted Paige regularly, really just left a phone message on her cell, saying he was all right which Phoebe took as a code for he was still managing to be good.

She had seen him on the news when he defended an infamous murder case and got the guy off. Piper had wondered aloud if Cole was working for evil getting the man off. He contacted Paige not long after to say he was all right and she had had challenged why he did it. Cole had snapped at Paige, that lawyers did that, they defended people, guilty and innocent in court, Paige had snarled that getting guilty people off did not seem very good to her and Cole finally relented a little and said "Paige the guy was innocent".

Paige had asked "Are you sure? "

Cole had resorted to sarcasm. "Trust me " he had said.

So Phoebe knew he was still living in the same apartment, that he still worked for the same firm and that he apparently living like a mortal. She hoped, prayed that he was really all right, not just battling an eternal fight to be good. Because she did love him, really loved him and that meant she cared about him, cared about his well-being. She did not want him hurt or in pain. Well not unless she caused it and could control when, where and how it was inflicted on him.

Phoebe sitting in her office without a deadline to worry about rethought all the thoughts she had been recently thinking about Cole. She stared at the phone anon her desk and it almost seemed it whispered a message to her "Call him, call him, call him",

"Why not" she spoke out loud. As much as she resented it, she loved him, she was stuck with him being the love of her life. They were soul mates and besides which she wanted a really great fuck, badly.

She thought what is the worst he can do." Hang up on me."

Then she shuddered a little at the fantasy that she could just say "Hey Cole I want you and hell the past is over.'

Reality set in and she knew that hanging up in her was not the worst Cole could do. For a second she hesitated and then called his office number. It did not occur to her to question why she could still remember it.

A woman who Phoebe did not recognise answered "Cole Turner's office, Francesca Rinaldi speaking."

For a second Phoebe was a little daunted ' Then in as neutral a voice as she could she said "My name is Phoebe Halliwell, May I speak to Mr Turner"

The woman very efficiently and coolly said that she would check whether he was available and in about 2 seconds Phoebe's heart skipped a beat as Cole answered quite sharply Phoebe "What's wrong?"

"Nothing" she answered quickly "I just wanted to know how you are"

He sucked his breath in a little and said quite shortly "I'm good". The last time he had said that word to Phoebe he almost caressed it, it was a promise, a hope. This time it was short sharp and dismissive.

"I'm glad." Phoebe started to say.

Cole cut her short "I'm with a client Phoebe ' he said, "I'll call you back"

Phoebe stared at the phone in her hand, in fury. She really could not believe that Cole had cut her off. Even if it was not the worst thing he could do, it was…it was infuriating.

In a temper she dialled Cole's number again but the terribly efficient assistant who had obviously been warned by Cole answered the call. She told Phoebe that Mr Turner was with a client and he would call her back.

Phoebe slammed the phone down and glared at it, then stared at the wall for a few seconds taking deep gulping breaths. In a few minutes she was able to breath normally and as much to distract herself, as anything, picked up the next letter she had to answer. It was from some one called Restless who said she was a divorced woman, the marriage had been over a year and it was so bad she was not ready even to consider dating but she was desperate for sex. What should do?

These days Phoebe's sense of humour was far better developed because she had stopped making the whole world about her. But for a second she could not help herself. She typed into her computer "I suggest you don't ring your ex and ask him to scratch the itch. You'll feel like shit afterwards"

**……………………………………………………………………………………..**


	2. Chapter 2

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 1:Better to have loved and lost

Chapter 2

Cole stared at the phone he had put down for a second and then looked at the client sitting opposite him. Tom Reynolds was a very well known San Francisco ship owner. He was a man in his fifties, expensively dressed and immaculately groomed in a rather flashy manner.

Cole realised he was still staring at the phone He shrugged a little awkwardly. "Ex wife" he said "You know what they're like""

"Yes I do" said Reynolds dryly "I've got three'

Cole laughed. "You know what they say, marriage is until divorce us do part; ex wives last forever."

Reynolds laughed "The only way I know how to get rid of an ex wife is to kill her or marry her"

"Don't tempt me" Cole said. He picked up the notebook opposite. "I'll get some details Tom but I have to warn you this could get messy." If Reynolds had known Cole better, he just might have recognised the smile Cole gave him was sardonic rather than supportive.

Cole was instinctively suspicious of this client. He had been called into a meeting with the three senior partners, Arthur Jackman, Henry Kline and Harold Carter. Of late Cole's standing at Jackman, Carter and Kline was not good. He only held the job by the support of Harold Carter a, a charming clever lawyer, who had an excellent understanding of clients requirements and some judicious use of magic. The other two partners were unhappy with his attitude, his disappearances over the last year, his public marital woes and his erratic behaviour. Jackman a small fussy man who had made his mark writing difficult and unbreakable contracts, made no secret of his annoyance with Cole.

At the meeting, the partners had told him that using some very hard won favours, they, Cole assumed Carter, had a new client. Thomas Reynolds, the well known owner of Tiberius Shipping. Cole had inwardly groaned. He had seen the papers. Reynolds had lately been the subject of a very nasty scandal when a young officer on a ship of his had been charged with smuggling huge amounts of heroin in from Thailand. The stories had strongly implied that Reynolds himself may have been implicated in the smuggling.

The partners told Cole that Reynolds wanted to help the officer who was arrested for smuggling. His own legal companies felt they could be compromised acting for Reynolds and his employee. Carter had used his contacts to convince Reynolds they had a junior partner in the firm who had previously been an ADA and had very good contacts and an excellent record of making criminal cases _go away._ The partners were very insistent that Cole's role was to make this _go away. _

It was made very clear to Cole that his tenure at Jackman Carter and Kline depended on his ability to make the case_ go away. _And that alone made Cole suspicious. The cases that Cole had made _go away_ were ones of the partner's chief complaints about him. Because he would not reveal how he did it. In the last six months, Cole had handled 10 criminal cases. 6 had been for rich clients who were as guilty as sin ,cases about of drink driving, a criminal assault on a wife, perjury, manslaughter after a car accident and possession of narcotics and each time he had used his contacts to deal and only one client had done jail time and then a great deal less than he deserved. The other four had been pro bono cases. And all of them had been innocent.

Something of his own history made Cole strongly resent that an innocent person should even need to defend themselves in court. He made one case go away by magically providing evidence for an alibi so the judge threw the case out of court. In another a witness had been mistakenly convinced when she identified a man as a rapist. Cole had used magic to assist her in changing her evidence. A third had been a case where 2 witnesses out right lied about an employee accused of embezzling huge amounts of money. Darryl Morris had asked for help because he felt strongly that the witnesses were lying but he ADA in the case was refusing to consider the possibility. Cole had used his powers to put such a fear of god into the witnesses that they had retracted their evidence. The fourth one, went to trial and earned some notoriety for Cole as the defending lawyer. It was the one that had annoyed Paige. None of the partners had approved of these cases and Cole was immediately suspicious when they were cited to attract Tom Reynolds as a client or at least have Reynolds ask them to represent an employee and to make the case _go away. _

Sitting uncomfortably in Cole's office, Reynolds became serious. "I don't import drugs Mr Turner"

"Call me Cole" Cole said

"This is not just about me and I owe people who work for me some loyalty," Reynolds continued

Cole leaned back, but his expression was genuine admiration as he said "That's not an attitude you see much these days"

"For that I need to apologise " Reynolds said.

Cole shook his head. He looked at the notes he had taken. The case was a mess. In a routine search of one of Reynolds ships that had come into Port from Thailand, customs had found a huge stash of heroin in the cabin of one of the. younger officers. The ship's captain, all the officers had sworn that the boy was clean of anything to do with drugs, a kid from a good family who were distraught at their son's arrest. Reynolds thought the whole thing was a plant, dishonest officials taking bribes. He had some problems with one of the dock unions, which had crime connections, and he believed the resulting news stories about him being implicated in drug importing was a ruse to make him more manageable when dealing with this element. He was quite honest that he would have been if it were not for the consequences to the crewmember.

Cole sighed. "First off we better be clear that if I take this on, even if you are paying, it is Mr Rodriguez who is the client and what he wants goes"

Reynolds nodded "That is understood."

"Second" Cole said, "I better warn you that if this is a plant, a set up, it will damn hard to prove him innocent. Those guys aren't stupid; they usually make sure these sets ups are air tight"

"I saw what you did for that boy who was accused of murder a couple of month's ago" Reynolds said.

"Yes well I get all the shit cases around here" Cole answered honestly "It's my punishment for getting the firm to do pro bono work"

Reynolds looked at him as if he could not believe his ears "I thought you would be a more committed person" he said disapproving

"Avenging the innocent" Cole said with a rueful smile "You think I would be any more honest if I said that I did it to right a wrong, assure justice, protect those who can't protect themselves"

Reynolds looked nonplussed. "No I guess not. Mt Turner" he said "Cole, I think maybe I have come to the wrong place. I saw what you did for that man and I thought here is some one who knows how to fight for what's right, I did not realise its just luck or fame. I want someone who will believe Eddie because that is all he has at the moment."

Cole did not answer, then as Reynolds stood up Cole said slowly " He has you Tom. That sounds like a pretty big plus to me"' Cole sighed "Will you sit down for a minute"

Reynolds hesitated but he looked back at the intensity in Cole's eyes and something caught him and he sat down.

Cole laughed easily and pleasantly "just so we are being completely honest. I ought to tell you that I am not the most popular lawyer around her with the senior partner anyway. It was fairly well laid on the line; if I screw this case, get you off side I am out of this firm. Just so we understand each other."

Reynolds looked around as if he thought he was in a room with a madman. Cole openly grinned. "Just as well you don't know," he thought. Out loud he said, "Defending an innocent person is damned difficult. "

At Reynolds suspicious look he continued, "For three reasons Mr Reynolds. Firstly innocent rarely help themselves. Because until the time they are accused they never think they could be accused and they do stupid and inexplicable things, things that juries never understand only innocent people do. "

Cole continued "Secondly because innocent people are always guilty of something" almost casually he looked across and held Reynolds gaze, smiling quietly. Reynolds quickly looked away." Always" Cole stressed "and because they can't believe they could be accused of something they didn't do, they often start acting like they are guilty. Make the case about things they have done."

When Reynolds did not reply, Cole continued "Thirdly because the system is stacked against the innocent. It's everyone's worst nightmare to be accused of something they didn't do, so the system tries to make out it can't happen. The person who pleads innocent and is convicted gets a worse sentence because they don't show remorse. And in a case like this where there are no mistakes by the police the only real defence is to accuse the authorities of corruption and that is about the least believed defence, even if it is true."

Cole stopped. "I don't like defending the innocent Mr Reynolds. It offends me that an innocent needs to be defended, being innocent should be enough but it isn't. However as it isn't enough and Mr Rodriguez needs defending, I will"

Reynolds leant forward and took forward, He took a deep breath and said "You must be a demon in court Mr Turner.. Cole"

Cole smiled "I have that reputation" he said Then he grimanced and said. "It would be better for everyone if we just found a way to make it go way." Cole smiled his charming smile "To protect the guily secrets of all the innocent parties'"

Reynold took a deep breath and not quite meeting Cole's eyes asked, "Can you do that? "

"I can give it a good shot" Cole answered honestly.

Reynolds left obviously not sure what he had run into with Cole. Cole's assistant Francesca Rinaldi, watched him leave with a bemused and confused expression. It was one she had seen on the faces of quite a number of clients who had left Cole's office.

"Do you think they are all innocent" she asked Cole.

He nodded cryptically " Of smuggling heroin anyway, which I suppose is all we're interested 

**.................................................................................**


	3. Chapter 3

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 1:Better to have loved and lost

Chapter 3

Francesca was not a young or particularly attractive woman. She was into her late fifties and was always beautifully dressed but if you missed the humour in her eyes, you saw a plain woman of average height and slightly overweight who had a determined mouth and a pushy manner. She had become Cole's assistant because the partners hoped she could manage Cole and limit his erratic behaviour. The partners, Jackman and Kline who mostly felt Turner's erratic behaviour over the first 9 months of his employment was not an asset to the firm, could never quite bring themselves to fire him . Cole who had decided to stay to give himself a reason to get up in the morning and have somewhere to go, could have told them the reason they did not fire him but thought demon magic was probably not an explanation they would welcome. 

Francesca, a paralegal who had worked as an assistant on some very tough cases, had been assigned to him when he had returned to work after his last "illness" 6 months ago. She had been recommended to the partners from a long career as an assistant to a recently retired lawyer in another firm. They were told she was a very tough and determined lady. Cole did not have a good record with assistants. The one called Julie had disappeared and the one called Angela had accused Mr Turner of trying to strangle her and refused to work with him.

A few other girls who had taken one look at Mr Turner's blue eyes and tall good looks and decided it would be worth the risk if he tried to strangle them, had been discouraged by the partners from working with him, for fear of sexual harassment case. Harold Carter, one of the senior partners noticing 2 female lawyers, a receptionist and a paralegal staring at Cole as he walked down the corridor had commented dryly at the meeting to discussed Cole's employment " Who will sue for harassment, him or the girl?"

Cole, if pressed said he respected Mrs Rinaldi. He was never brave enough to call her Francesca although she called him Cole, in the tone of voice school principals reserved for very naughty little boys. In fact what he was, was terrified of her. She ruled his life. She never let him miss an appointment or fail to return a call. She made him keep records, go to meetings and read all the right papers before he went. If he was not at work by 9, she was on the phone calling him at 9 and 45 seconds. If he said he was working at home, she was checking on him every hour on the hour. He had tried to complain about her to the senior partners and was greeted by such an expression of irritation he gave it up. Somewhere in the discipline she imposed on him, Cole found a reason to keep going.

Francesca for her part was fonder of him than she cared to admit. For reasons she was not going to tell him, she admired his courage for working when he was fighting not to fall apart, for taking the shit cases, the pro bono ones and the unwinnable ones. She admired him because he did everything he could to protect the client and seemed totally unconcerned with promotion himself, because he avoided the press and seeking fame in the spectacular cases, because he offered sensible advice and she had never known him to even remotely promote his own interest over the client's

Francesca had found out what she could about him. Office gossip said he had started at the firm with big expectations, having been a top class ADA although he seemed to have left that job under some undisclosed shadow. He had been spectacularly successful in his first three months in the job and then the erratic behaviour had started.

The gossip said the erratic behaviours had all happened when his marriage that had seemed very happy, suddenly fell apart. He had disappeared, come back to work, started acting violently, suddenly stopped working, was suspected of drinking and then disappeared again, supposedly off sick. Six months ago he had returned to work, looking terrible, again unhappy, and the humour, which had always been a part of him, was missing for months. He was tense, always polite and distant with colleagues which was when Francesca had come to work for him.

Francesca of course asked about THE ex wife. Feeling about her was divided. It did not take long for Francesca top be told that the ex wife was the famous Ask Phoebe from the Bay Mirror. Some people who remembered her when Cole first came to work at to Jackman, Kline and Carter, described her a rather sweet but young girl, who was head over heels in love with him, a couple of others described her as a manipulative bitch who was always at him to do things for her and they never heard her say thank you. Almost everybody agreed that Cole's most erratic behaviour seemed to happen in the six months after his separation when she had appeared in the office. They would be heard shouting at each other and then Cole would do something very ..erratic,

Francesca had never seen the ex. Until she called Cole that day Francesca had been certain he never contacted her. He certainly never mentioned her. In fact all had ever said to Francesca was that if anyone called Halliwell called, they were to be put through to him immediately as they were his ex in-laws. Francesca had asked him about his own family. Cole said he did not have a family. He added that his father was dead, and he was an only child. He told her the only family he ever really had were his ex in-laws and he was not very popular with them these days. He did not explain why.

Francesca disapprovingly had a said " Your mother is alive "

Cole and sighed and nodded

"Don't you contact her" Francesca stated disapprovingly

"No" Cole had answered equivocally.

"No one should ignore their mother." Francesca said primly but for once she could not bully Cole into her point if view.

"That depends on the mother" he said gently.

**……………………………………………………………………… **

Cole after seeing Reynolds out returned to his own office. He tried sneaking past Francesca but she gave him the evil eye as she reminded him brusquely to phone his wife. She caught his face and said ex wife. He visibly winced and Francesca wondered how bad the ex was.

Phoebe had by this time decided to temporarily vanquish the demon of hormones by working and had become engrossed in responding to a really difficult problem of a teenage boy asking for advice on meeting girls, but reading between the lines she suspected was a boy with huge emotional problem. So she was carefully trying to find words that would not alarm the boy and would encourage him to seek help when the phone rang and she picked it up and murmured her name distractedly.

Cole had rehearsed six different ways to greet Phoebe but forgot all of them and asked "You called" and in the effort he was making not to let his voice shake must have sounded curt because Phoebe immediately took the defensive and replied sharply, "What do you want Cole?"

His audible sigh expressed his irritation "You called me" he said. "At the office about half an hour ago" Cole had to clutch his chair arm to keep hold of his emotions as he spoke "What do you want Phoebe?" he said dispassionately. He was very proud of himself for being so cool.

Phoebe when she heard his voice so calm and in control, was caught by a burst of intense annoyance that he could be so off hand and she could feel a rush of warmth in her loins that reminded her of why she called him. To hide both she replied in a voice as cool as his that she called to see if he was all right.

"Didn't Paige pass messages onto you" Cole asked assuming the request was evidence that she was into not trusting him again.

"I haven't heard from you for .. some time and I thought I would just check with you" she replied in a tight school marmish voice to cover her embarrassment and her fear that he might some how pick up that she had called in a very weak and horny moment.

The school marm voice was one Cole had never responded to very well when they had been happily living together. With his nerves on edge and his emotions raw at speaking to Phoebe he reacted very badly "Yes Miss Halliwell M'am I'm all right. I'm even being really good. I'll let you know when I'm not Miss Halliwell ma'm" he snapped out before he could stop himself slammed the phone down.

Cole dragged several deep breaths out just getting hold of his temper. The hurt inside was as raw as it had been the first time Phoebe had turned her back on him a year ago. Just for a second the fear of eternity alone welled in him and he was almost overwhelmed by the sense of isolation.

Francesca appeared at his open door, She did not even pretend she had not heard. "That was very rude" she said. "You should ring your wife, ex wife back and apologise"

Without thinking Cole snapped "It will be a cold day in hell before I ever say I am sorry to Phoebe again"

Francesca's cold disapproving expression was so pointed that it all but reduced Cole back to little boy state "I'm sorry" he said to Francesca and then as he realised what he said, he had difficult holding back his laughter. Francesca returned to her desk and shut the door very loudly, leaving the laughter dying on Cole's lips and him reflecting with a rueful smile that only person who could have shared that joke was Phoebe. He picked up the file on Rodriguez and tried to lose himself in work.

When Cole slammed the phone down on her Phoebe was left staring at the handpiece with her temper doing a slow boil. That Cole had been so disinterested in her was hurtful, that he was so rude was unforgivable, that he had slammed the phone down on her was …it was humiliating.

She was furious. It was not as if she had got around to asking him to have sex, all she had said was hello, not even that and he got snippy.

"Well if he fells like that about speaking to me he's going learn to keep it nice." She promised her computer.

Phoebe had not calmed down by the time she got home that night. Phoebe always worked until about 8.00pm. It was not only a reason to get up in the morning. It was a reason to fill the day, even though her column was written about 2 weeks in advance She burst into the parlour where Piper was folding baby clothes as she watched television withy Leo and Paige was sitting curled on a chair reading a book on herbal magic.

Phoebe stormed in and threw herself down in the spare chair. She slammed her bag on the floor and only just remembered to not throw her notebook.

"I just can't believe he could do it " she fumed. "Sometimes I think the only reason he exists is to upset me"

Piper and Paige met each others eyes, and Leo asked gently "Who?"

"Cole, Cole, Cole, stormed Phoebe as Piper and Paige sat upright " you won't believed what he did today""

"What did he do today" Paige asked nervously and then as Phoebe kept muttering Piper asked very pointedly "What did Cole do?"

"He hung up on me, he slammed the phone down on me'" she raged. Leo and Piper glanced at each other. Paige stood up and knelt by Phoebe and asked in an overly calm voice "Honey why did he hang up on you."

Phoebe shook her head "I don't know" she said. "I asked him how he was and he hung up on me. Actually he was filthy rude and then he hung up on me"

Paige looked helplessly at Piper who said in a very sharp" Why did you call him Phoebe?"

Phoebe finally shrugged a little defensively " I just haven't heard from him for a while" she looked at Piper "I was concerned. I called him asked him how he was and he got nasty and he hung up."

Phoebe stood up 'He can't treat me like me that he at least owes me that" She went into the kitchen and started to make herself a sandwich. And somewhere in the midst of her annoyance she did find it in herself to laugh that she was so annoyed with Cole for hanging up on her, when she had so many other things she could be annoyed about.

When she left, Piper turned to Leo "You don't think she called him for anything else other than to check up on him do you?" She asked.

Leo just said "I hope not" and returned to watching television. There were only so many Cole and Phoebe dramas he could deal with.

Paige glared at him for his lack of concern but she said to Piper "Cole probably just got a bit pissed at Phoebe pushing at him. Probably just annoyed she thinks she has the right. You know Phoebe still thinks she owns him"

"She would ell us if she had some concerns about him" Piper said but she was worried. She got up and went into the kitchen where Phoebe was making a meal of a large sandwich "I can cook meals for you" Piper said.

"You have a daughter " Phoebe said " I'm a big girl I can look after myself. And no don't ask. As far as I know Cole is not evil or even being naughty. I just called him and he was rude and it just pisses me off""

Phoebe marched off to her room to think about Cole mostly and her family. Piper watched her go. Phoebe back to even thinking about Cole was not good news. Piper had been far more worried about her sister lately than she would say openly. Ever since the terrible confrontation with Cole six months ago Phoebe had been living in some sort of half life. Working, being a Charmed One, looking after Melinda, filling her time and focus, almost trying to lose herself.

Piper knew very well that as Phoebe worked her way through all those terrible anniversaries, she was bound to suffer, but her silence and determination to do it alone was what made Piper wary. She knew Phoebe and suffering in silence was not something Phoebe did unless she had a huge secret to hide. And that the secret was something to do with Cole was confirmed as far as Piper was concerned when Phoebe admitted to calling him on this day, the anniversary of their parting in the wasteland.

Cole, Cole, Cole. When she thought of the problems he had caused Phoebe and her family, Piper sometimes thought she would have given a great deal to never have heard his name. But then she remembered the Phoebe who was existed before Cole came into their lives, the difficult, difficult girl who ran away to New York, the lost soul sleeping around looking for love in all the wrong places. "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" Piper thought then she pursed her lips; either way was to doom her sister to a life of regret.

Cole, Cole, Cole. He ruined her sister's life but the problem for Piper was that he had made hers. There would have been no marriage to Leo, and consequently no Melinda, in fact he had saved her so many times there would be no Piper Halliwell without him and Piper nursed a deep guilt that her happiness was a consequence of the relationship that had torn Phoebe apart.

Cole, Cole, Cole. Perhaps that was why Piper wanted him to just move himself out of their existence, to ease her own guilt. Perhaps that was why she was so angry with him, because if he had been able to make it work with Phoebe, fight off the Source, done something, anything she Piper would no have to feel this gnawing guilt at her sister's unhappiness. Perhaps that was why she had not told Phoebe she had seen Cole fairly recently. Six weeks ago.

It was nothing very big, quite accidental but it had worried Piper. She had gone to a city hall meeting about zoning changes that had affected P3. She had bumped into Cole, literally in the foyer, cannoned into him in fact as she pushed her way through the crowd. She did not know it was him, until she found her self eyeballing a familiar blue tie. He had put a hand out to steady her and as she looked up into surprisingly angry and pained blue eyes, she had brushed his hand away.

"Hello Cole" Piper had said sweetly" How are you?"

"Pretty good" he answered just as sweetly " and you?"

"Much the same " Piper replied

"Pity" Cole answered with a nasty note in his voice.

"Been involved in any takeovers lately" Piper had asked just as nastily

"No . How about you" Cole had snarked

"Yes" she answered happily. "One that will last me the rest of my life."

Cole had suddenly softened "Congratulations on you daughter. Melinda isn't it"

"Thanks" Piper had muttered suddenly very uncomfortable.

As she moved away she heard Cole turn to some one beside him and say almost apologetically "My ex in law."

At the hearing, Piper had noticed Cole, sitting on the edge of the second row and at one point he got up to represent the man with him, a client who owned one of San Francisco's most exclusive restaurants that was also being effected by the zoning.

From where she was sitting, if she half turned she would have met his eyes so she carefully avoided sitting that way, except once when an alderman made a particularly stupid statement, and time and space disappeared and she met Cole's expression of disgust by raising her eyebrows and sticking her tongue out .He smiled in reply. When he had stood up to speak, his argument was good, clever and damning of the zoning. Many of the thousand of people present clapped him and as he returned to his seat, Cole had looked across to Piper and she had nodded.

It had bothered her, did bother her that after all that had happened, Cole still had a connection with her, that because of all the things the Halliwell family had shared with him, he could seek her approval, Piper of course, knew that Cole was hurting over losing Phoebe. It came as a shock to her to know he was hurting over losing her family. So she did not tell Phoebe because she could no way found the words to explain why she had responded to that connection.

**……………………………………………………………**


	4. Chapter 4

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 1:Better to have loved and lost

Chapter 4

Cole also worked late, partly because he wanted to get some contacts he knew on the waterfront outside work hours, partly because he had 2 other court cases going and 4 contracts to write. Jackman, Carter and Kline, to say nothing of Francesca were getting their pound of flesh out of him. Sometimes he was tempted to wave his hand and get the writing finished but he resisted the temptation partly because he had tried that once and at the resulting meeting he had barely a clue what was written on the paper and made an awful ass of himself and partly because when he worked he did not have to think about anything else.

After he finished work, Cole returned to the apartment, first stopping at a small café where he ate alone. He left the café, went out to the parking area, and stood and watched as some one backed their car into another one in the car park. They made a huge dent in a red sedan, got out, surveyed the damage and then jumped in their car and drove off. For a second Cole was temped to stop the driver and then he sighed. One of the things he knew about being the most powerful being in the realm was the danger of being a vigilante. It could not be done and remain good, so he took the easy way out and flicked a finger as he passed the red sedan and watched with amusement as the huge dent undented. People who had heard the squealing brakes came out and the owner of the red car examined it then turned to his female companion and said, "They must have missed it":

Cole grinned and got into his own car and drove off.

Cole spent a long and miserable night alone in the apartment, drinking most of the night. Something he had not done for quite some time, but Phoebe contacted him and he was back to where his guts felt like they had been torn out. He had a number of these nights in the last six months but they had been less and less of late. Partly because Francesca made his life so miserable when she knew he had been binging and partly because it had not been necessary. Lately he had been surviving. Since the day, THAT Day, as he thought of it when he had faced the fact that he could, had to, resist the evil, he had mostly, as he told Paige when he "reported in", been all right.

He had even come to terms with what he was and who he was. And he had learned some very hard lessons about good and evil. His powers were demonic, they were a legacy of evil and not in the eternity Cole faced as an immortal being would he easily forget the six months when he had feared that he had created a magical being of evil, so powerful he was stronger than the source, stronger than witches and warlocks and Elders combined. But he had learnt some things in the months that come and one of the things that he had learnt thaws that the creature he had become was meant to be good.

He had failed badly in those first six months, failed to understand and control what he was. When the Charmed Ones had saved him or convinced him to save himself, it came as a shock to know the danger to the realm was not him. If he was evil his fate was to be vanquished, at the cost of turning the Charmed Ones evil, of turning Phoebe evil. But then he was also tied to Pheobe and she was meant to be good. When she had been able to find her way back to being good, so had he.

After he pulled himself from the brink of evil and madness, he had at first been frightened to use the powers but as he got control of them the stunning realisation that the powers were only demonic, not evil came to him. He had finally learned to control the powers her had, he was no longer feeling the overwhelming temptation to evil when he made a discovery that explained much.

One temptation that Cole had never had the remotest trouble resisting, was trying to absorb any more powers. He had enough problems with the ones he had. And he was not seeking out evil because he was listening to a sense of vague disquiet that he felt at such action. However he did have some problems with evil locating him, sniffing out the powers even if they did not know who or what he was. Consequently he accidentally got caught in a fight between a middle level demon and a rogue warlock who were out of control of the new source. They had both confronted him as he was walking back to his car after working late one night obviously chasing his powers and decide to fight each other for them

The demon was a middle level demon who possessed the power to use a ray of light to cut victims to pieces. The warlock had won the battle and was extracting the power of the demon and Cole had misjudged the action and had unintentionally got between them, He had been caught in the movement of the power and had absorbed it. The warlock had attacked him and Cole in almost impulse reaction had destroyed the warlock with the laser power.

And then he had spent a week in a very bad way fighting a desire to be evil, so strong that he dared not work, or go near any-one else for days. He had felt for a few days that he was being dragged back to where he had been when the evil took over when he first returned from the wasteland And then after some very bad days, he noticed the impulse to use the power for evil had faded.. He simply absorbed it into his arsenal, so that within a week he had was able to draw on it selectively with no more impulse to hurt or destroy or be evil than before.

And the secret finally came to him of the powers. They were demonic but not necessarily evil but it took him a very few days before what he ruefully thought of as his better nature was able to control the powers. And he needed to be very careful during that time. It was no wonder that the amount of powers he took from the wasteland had overwhelmed him.

And then he did something that changed what he was. He simply wanted to make sure about the demonic powers and how they affected him. He found some spites who had demonic powers that were not lethal. They were annoying creatures who had a simple power to discover what others were feeling by touching their auras. Cole hung around watching until one of them annoyed a more powerful demon into vanquishing it and he was able to absorb the power during the vanquish. He had been prepared for the temptation to evil, but not for the level of it from what was supposed to be such a simple non-lethal power. For a week he fought a battle that was followed by more complaints by senior partners about erratic behaviour. Cole promised himself he would never willing absorb another power again.

The power did not work for Cole h as it did for spites because as his own nature took over the power, the ability to join auras connected to his soul. Cole's human form had always been slightly empathic. He was not so powerful that he could absorb emotions from other people but enough to sense some things about them. When the very first time he talked to Phoebe and told her he sensed she was a goods person struggling with the truth, he had not been lying.

.

He inherited the power small as it was, from his father one. Cole's father had been mortal but possessed of low level magic empathic abilities, and this inheritance was one he had hidden from the demonic world all his life. It was a proof of a good magic soul and it would have been his death warrant in the underworld. Mostly it was a power so small Cole had to concentrate very hard to access it, usually to understand good beings when he needed to and often using that knowledge for demonic purposes.

However this time the power of the spite seem to merge with the empathic ability and he found himself caught in connections about which he had no true understanding. With some concentration he could touch auras and understand what others were feeling , which was something he very rarely wanted to know. But more than knowing whether a particular creature was good or evil, it seemed in the joining of the powers he had connected with some higher realm or greater being and he became more and more conscious of the balance of good and evil around him and some times he could almost feel that balance shudder. It frightened the hell out of him.

But he learned to listen to the feeling, and discovered he could use his power to keep a job, or finish some work or fix a court case and nothing seemed disturbed. He could use the powers to counteract his own legacy from the time the Source. When any the laws of the old order were contravened, and beings both good and evil interfered with the Angels of Fate, Destiny, Time, Death, or dragged opponents to realms they had no right to take them, Cole experienced no terrible feeling of the balance shifting if he intervened. However even thinking of interfering with the battle of good and evil, siding with one or the other, left him with such a strong feeling of foreboding, unease and disquiet that he learned very quickly to leave it alone. It seemed he could protect and defend but not fight. 

Cole worried about the connection; he feared he was associated with something well beyond the magic world he had known, and then as he listened to those feelings he found a consequence was he could almost live a normal mortal life, and from sheer self defence he stopped worrying and just let destiny take its course.

**…………………………………………………………….. **

One of the controls he had developed in all the powers he had taken out of the wasteland was the ability to control the way his blood could turn acid. It was very much tied to the ability of his body to heal itself and a side effect of keeping it under control was that alcohol affected him, or he could let it. And he needed it to get through a whole night after hearing Phoebe's voice. A couple of seconds with her being bitchy, just being Phoebe and he was an alcoholic basket case again.

He fell into a drunken sleep about 5.30 and woke up three hours later with a hangover that would have done credit to a month long binge, and left with the alternative of acid blood and control, he chose to live with the hangover. He fell into the shower and as he was still in it after 9 he could hear the phone ringing. Francesca! He called and told her he would be in late.

When he arrived at work, looking grey around the eyes and mouth, and the worse for wear, Francesca made no secret of her disapproval. She told him he had missed a partner's meeting. Cole knew he would be in trouble with them again. Francesca handed him a list of phone messages. Two of them were from Phoebe. Cole went into his office and the senior partner Jackman rang and told him off or missing a meeting and he had to listen to an ear full about how the firm had stood by him and how he needed to prove he could be responsible. Cole put the phone down and sighed. He was not overly fond of the Arthur Jackman, a pompous man who could not tolerant opposition. Cole had resorted to magic a few times to just push things like pro bono work into the firm's schedule.

Cole found some grim amusement in the fact that the man thought he was dressing down a junior partner when he was really dressing down a being of such power that he could vaporise him in an instant. Only vaporising the man would give Cole about 2 seconds satisfaction and an eternity to face the consequence so he ruefully agreed to try and be a better asset to the firm The partner informed him it was lucky Reynolds had made such a fuss and the contact was the only reason Cole's termination was not being considered. Cole grimanced.

Cole also rang Darryl Morris who was not as unhappy to hear from him as he had once been although Darryl actively winced when Cole mentioned corruption. Cole had kept his promise to help if Darryl really needed it. Over the last few months Cole had regularly seen Darryl, partly through work and partly because Darryl was the only person who knew what he was but managed to not treat him as something other than a freak. Darryl bitched and complained but over a few beers he had offered Cole some very good advice which he did not always take and for Cole it as a relief to talk and just be with someone who did not need explanations or pretence.

"Just check out Reynold's connections and see if you can find out what the feds really want with him" Cole asked.

Darryl agreed and said he would call back.

Cole glanced at the messages from Phoebe and moaned out loud. He speaks to her once in three months and the life he had created such as it was, was spinning down around him. Francesca was obviously bent on making him miserable, the partners were furious with him and he was back to drowning painful memories with copious amounts of alcohol. 

Phoebe, Phoebe, Phoebe, just knowing Phoebe seemed to him to be a reason to have his life, good, evil, human, demon spun around and turned upside down. He looked at the message s. He loved her but he did not want to know her. Knowing Phoebe was the cause, as far as he could see of every problem he had had in the last three years. He would cut her out.

He walked out to the outer office and told Francesca that he was no longer available to Phoebe Halliwell. Francesca asked if he meant all Miss Halliwells, and Cole hesitated a second then said not all Halliwell's just Phoebe, and he felt like he had cut off his right arm as he did it.

And knowing Phoebe she was not going to be very happy when she found out.

Phoebe called Cole twice before she went to work. All she got was the terribly efficient assistant who said she would pass the message to Cole when he returned.

She got to work and there was no answer. She called him again and the efficient assistant simply said she would tell Mr Turner Phoebe had called. Phoebe insisted she be put through and there was a hesitation, which made Phoebe strongly suspect Cole, was there.

In fact he was, Francesca silently indicated who it was to him as they worked on notes for a case of a drug dealing kid who had such a bad time, Cole was working to keep him out of the jail system, in between depositions for firm clients. As Francesca indicated it was Phoebe, Cole stretched out his hand to take the phone and then quickly withdrew it shaking his head. He pulled a face and settled back to work, wondering why if he was the most powerful being in the realm he felt so nauseous from a hangover.

If Phoebe had been annoyed with Cole when he hung up on her, it was nothing to what she felt when it dawned on her that Cole was refusing to accept calls from her. She reserved for herself the right to judge his actions, tell him how to behave and to monitor what he was doing and for him to put himself beyond that she felt was a betrayal. And worse was the nagging feeling of hurt, bone aching agonising, unbelievable hurt that he could break the connection with her. Because behind all of it, good or evil, agony, ecstasy, pain, joy and beyond she had always been very secure in the knowledge that this powerful creature, this man loved her beyond redemption, beyond time and beyond all hope.

To accept that maybe he did not love her as much, she refused to consider the idea he did not love her at all, was a hurt that beyond her bearing. He had always been the one asking and it suddenly felt to her that she had lost the years their lives had been intertwined and it was not a feeling she had ever considered would happen. Cole loved her, she breathed oxygen, Cole loved her, she was a witch, Cole loved her, she was Phoebe Halliwell . Cole loving her was a fact of her existence. Her loving him was not a consideration. Because no matter what her life became she had been the object of love of one the most powerful beings in existence. Cole had to love her because it was who she was. Only she dared not say the words out loud so she just got angry and decided he was going to pay attention to her.

**…………………………………………………………… **


	5. Chapter 5

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 1:Better to have loved and lost

Chapter 5

After a day of leaving messages for Cole, which were unanswered Phoebe arrived home, calm of mind and determined. Piper sitting in the kitchen, breast feeding Melinda, eyed her sister curiously, as she came in smiling and seemingly happy, asked "Everything okay."

Phoebe put her things on the table and stopped to gently stroke Melinda's forehead. "Everything is fine" she said sweetly "I had a very easy day at work. Elise is in New York, I wrote the column, went to lunch with the fashion staff, finished by six, see I'm home early."

Piper eyed her suspiciously "Heard nothing from Cole', no problems from him" she asked.

"No" Phoebe answered brightly "Not a thing. No problems. Nothing"

Piper who would have liked to have the time to just enjoy her daughter and not worry about her sister eyed Phoebe with irritation. Phoebe bounced out the door to the stairs, a definite spring and purpose in her step "I know you, Phoebe" she muttered "You're up to something".

Phoebe rang Paige from her room and suggested the two have a night out. Paige came home a half an hour later and the two decided to go off to P3 together and check out the talent.

Phoebe dressed in her sexiest and skimpiest new outfit, a skirt that barely covered her hips and a silver and aqua lame tube top that did not cover her breasts and high, high stiletto heels and her hair longer and blond streaked now, Paige was wearing a body hugging red dress with spaghetti straps and a slit to her waist and even higher heels than Phoebe.

Piper put her daughter to bed before her sisters left. She was wearing old track pants, a tee shirt that was still stained after Melinda had thrown,. Her hair was not washed for two days and caught up in a clip just to keep it out of the way, and she was looking forward to a night of ironing baby clothes. She watched her sisters go and felt very old and matronly. She thought about the way her sisters were dressed, tits bouncing around under their clothes ,then became aware of the maternity bra she was wearing and wondered if she would ever feel sexy again.

As Paige and Phoebe left. Leo had orbed in. He too said goodbye to Paige and Phoebe while he stood slightly behind Piper, his fingers gently stroking he arm, as she leaned rather tiredly against him. Phoebe noticing this was almost overwhelmed by a nauseating rush of jealousy for the security of he sister's marriage and guiltily swallowed the thought.

Phoebe and Paige spent the night at P3. Paige managed to pick up 3 guys of various descriptions and physical types and have a pleasant night juggling them encouraging them and making them jealous while claiming she could not go off with them because she could not desert her sister ands somehow forgetting her cell phone number. She said her sister was minding her purse, she would give them the number later. When one pressed suspiciously "Can't you remember your cell phone number" Paige smiled innocently "I never dial myself".

Phoebe danced with a few guys and in between used the time to dial Cole on her cell and leave increasingly annoyed messages on his answering machine at the apartment. Toward midnight, Phoebe was on the sofa in the girls' favourite corner of P3 locked in a clinch with a guy she had danced with. He claimed to be a manager but was probably a clerk. He was a couple of years younger than her, and suitably scruffy and had an interesting little boy lost look and was plainly after sex as the amount of alcohol he was consuming, prompted his interest, and the level of his efforts. Phoebe was aware that all the aching warmth in her loins which had been her constant companion for the last few days died away as his efforts increased. Her mouth felt dirty from the taste of his tongue and her neck felt wet and unclean from the amount of saliva that had been distributed over it. Phoebe felt the nausea growing.

As she pretended to deep breathe while the guy, damn what was his name, she called him Joe, as the pet names she had used for Cole remained clearly off limits for any one else, sucked and licked and bit, Phoebe started to wonder what Joe would say is she suggested some of the more interesting things she had done with Cole. She shivered and as the guy felt her body shake he breathed deep and suggested they leave. Phoebe put him off by grabbing his face and tongue kissed as deep and hard as she could. " What in the hell was his name?" she thought. He came up for air, wondering what he had got himself into and thinking that his chances were very good.

As Phoebe gave him a chance to check his options, she had a nasty and intruding thought about a time when she could suggest, hell she could demand anything she wanted, go where she wanted and play the games she wanted and feel safe and sure in how they would be received, when teeth on her neck and saliva on her shoulder made her feel wet and exited, when a tongue in her mouth was tempting and teasing and sweet. Damn it damn it damn it, why when she thought of sex did he have to think of Cole?

The guy, opted for a little more alcohol courage and offered to get a drink of some Perrier water for Phoebe. She sent him on his way and lent back trying to swallow the dirty feeling of stale alcohol from her mouth.

As Phoebe sat on the sofa she sighed "Damn Cole, damn Cole, damn Cole." She had three time called him at the apartment that night, leaving increasingly longer and annoyed messages, and it was obvious Cole must be ignoring any messages from her cell .She spied Paige's purse on the table beside her, opened it and saw Paige's cell phone, she took it out and dialled Cole's number. 

She reached the answering machine and for a second Phoebe listened with a sigh to Cole's voice telling her to leave a message. Phoebe felt another sudden rush of warmth to her loins, damn Cole damn Cole, damn Cole. When she thought of sex she thought of Cole, when she heard Cole's voice she thought of sex. The answering machine clocked off and Cole interrupted the message to say "Paige what's the problem" Phoebe hung up,. Then with an annoyed glare, she grabbed her own phone and dialled Cole's number. He did not answer.

To say that she was furious was an understatement.

The guy came back with Perrier water and smelling strongly of brandy. Phoebe smiled and drank the water while more saliva was liberally applied to her neck and face and shoulder. "God" she though "Did he have to use his whole tongue, why couldn't he use the tip of it". She sighed deeply "Maybe I ought to give him Cole's number to get a few lessons" she thought. "I wonder if Cole would answer the phone for him"

The guy slobbered over her some more. The smell of brandy nauseated her. Phoebe felt he whole body go cold. Smiling she planted a big kiss on his lips, and whispered sexily. " I have to go to the bathroom." She picked up her purse and Paige's. She pushed her way through the crowded dance floor to where Paige was entwined around a guy with his hair in dyed blond dreadlocks and a dreamy expression on his face. She tapped Paige on the shoulder. It took a couple of taps to get Paige's attention but she finally turned to Phoebe. Paige sighed dreamily "What" and then a little sharper as she saw Phoebe's expression said "What Phoebe?"

"We're going home" Phoebe said in a no nonsense voice

"What. Okay" Paige said as she was hauled away from the dreadlocked dancer.

"Okay bye I'll call you" Paige said over her shoulder.

'You don't have my number" dreadlock answered a little stunned

'"I'll find it" Paige called as she was dragged up the P3 stairs.

"What was that all about" she demanded as Phoebe pulled her into the car park.

Phoebe shuddered "That guy he was horrible. I had to get away from him"

Paige gasped "You were all over him, you were encouraging him. Hell you were practically jumping him"

Phoebe stood "I did not" she answered indignantly "He was just a slob. I bet he's never made love in his life"

Paige pursed her lips "I doubt he's a virgin" she said dryly.

Phoebe put her hands on her hips "I'm not talking about sex" she said "I'm talking about making love."

Paige stopped in front of her car and turned to Phoebe "Sometimes Phoebe I feel I just don't know you." She unlocked the car and the girls got into it.

Just before Paige started the engine she sighed. "Although if I ever found a guy who knew how to turn sex into making love every time he touched me, I think I would grab so tight, the poor bastard would never have a hope of escaping." She started the car and in the dark did could not see her sister turn a sickly shade of white.

The girls went home and Paige went to bed where she fell into a peaceful sleep. Phoebe was restless all night long. She got up several times and finally when she could not sleep she went downstairs to make some camomile tea at 4.00 in the morning . She spied Paige's purse on the bench and gave way to temptation. She picked up the cell and dialled Cole's number. He answered immediately "What Paige" and his voice was not sleepy. Phoebe hung up. After that she went back to bed and slept.

In fact, Cole did not arrive at the apartment until nearly 11. He had worked late and then spent some time chasing some information about the Rodriquez case that was only available at night and then he had got distracted with preventing a drug store robbery where he had stopped to buy alcohol. Cole wondered if San Francisco was the crime centre of the world or it simply followed him.

He was curiously depressed from the information about Rodriguez case. He knew evil, god he knew evil. He had hoped that the case was just Reynolds doing his best to help an innocent, but he wasn't surprised that what he was really seeing was a dark plot of corruption, blackmail and crooked lawyers. As the Source, he had used Jackman, Carter and Kline because he knew that certain unethical practices happened there. He should not resent it when others used the firm for such things. But he did.

When he arrived back at the apartment and saw thew answering machine flashing he played the tape and it had four messages all from Phoebe and for nearly an hour he distracted himself from alcohol and other thoughts by listening to her yell at him. He finally removed the tape put it in a safe spot and replaced it just in time for the phone to ring again. He recognised the number as Paige's. He answered and the phone went dead. As Phoebe called a few minutes later he guessed the other call was probably Phoebe on Paige's phone. The call at 4 worried him more. As he could not sleep he had distracted himself with drafting complicated tender negotiations and was still awake when it came.

The next morning, hangover less he was at work before Francesca. She came in at 8.30, late for her and he went to a 9.00 am meeting with the partners, They wanted a report on the Reynolds interview and again made it very clear that Cole's last lapse had not resulted in termination because they needed him for the Reynolds case. Cole was tempted to correct them and say Rodriguez case but thought better of it. Jackman made a fuss threatening with removal from the firm if he could not keep Reynolds happy and it was with a real effort that Cole kept energy balls out of his hand, not because of the threat but because of the pomposity of the partner. Francesca had been at the meeting and had sent him a glare when his temper was strained. It settled him down, Cole sighed. Phoebe contacts him and he was thinking of fireballs. Carter interrupted and pointed out that he did not have to win the case, as long as he got it resolved to Reynolds satisfaction.

"Make it go away will be the best result" he encouraged "No one wins if this gets to court Make sure Reynolds and Rodriguez know this" Carter was sure the authorities would really deal or be reasonable if Cole approached it the right way,

Cole smiled easily and promised he would do what was best for the client.

He and Francesca went back to the office and around 10.00 am and there were two messages from Phoebe. Cole swallowed and said he would deal with it as Francesca expressed her disapproval of Cole's disrespectful attitude to the senior partners.

He was distracted for an hour by a meeting with a client but all those calls during the night got to him and mostly all he could think of what in the hell was going on in Phoebe's head And he worked himself up to being furious with her as he thought about it. Then he seriously began worry that the Charmed ones had a problem after all. He finally got to the point where he decided that Phoebe's calls were genuine, that at Paige had been trying to contact him because they were in serious trouble and that he killed Phoebe because he had ignored her calls.

He dialled Paige's cell. After a few seconds which seemed like an eternity to Cole, Paige answered sleepy and distracted because after her late night and because she was not working anyway she was in the habit of sleeping late.

"Paige" Cole asked anxiously "What's wrong? Is Phoebe all right? "

"What" Paige asked totally disorientated "Yeah Cole? " she asked waking up in a hurry.

"Is Phoebe all right?" Cole asked urgently.

"Yeah I think so" Paige said sitting up in bed. "I'll check." She got up and wandered over to Phoebe's bedroom. The bed was neatly made and the room was tidy.

Paige said into the phone "Looks okay to me, and how are you" she asked chattily to Cole. "Are you being good" she said to him "No nasty urges to go kill landlords or biker? "

I'm fine" he snapped tightly "You didn't call me, did you?"

"No" Paige answered "Why do you think I did?"

Cole said as disinterestedly as he could "I had a couple of calls on your number. I assume it was Phoebe. Could you just make sure she is where she is supposed to be?"

Paige wandered down the stairs and found Piper in the kitchen with Melinda awake in the day cot. "Where's Phoebe?" she asked Piper not covering the phone.

"At work" Piper answered distractedly she unloaded the dishwasher

"I can do that" Paige said to Piper

"What?" said Cole.

"Stop trying to be the perfect mother and housewife" Paige said to Piper

"What?" said Cole.

"Nothing?" said Paige.

"What?"´ said Piper.

"Phoebe's okay" asked Cole

"She's okay? " Paige asked

"She's okay?" said Piper "Why wouldn't she be? "

"She 's okay" Paige said to Cole.

"What?" said Piper

"Hold it?" Paige said to Cole.

"What?" said Piper and Cole.

"Cole " Paige said "Shut up"

"Is Phoebe okay?" Paige asked with some exasperation.

"Yes" Piper said "Why? "

"Doesn't matter" said Paige "Cole, Phoebe's fine. If you're worried why not ring her. "

"No thanks" Cole said and then his nerves snapped "Paige just tell her something for me will you?"

"Okay " said Paige doubtfully.

"Just tell her" Cole snarled, letting is temper get the better of him "Tell her to leave me alone. You tell her that I'm fine. I'm okay. That means I'm being good if she needs a translation. You can tell her I am being better than good. You tell her that yesterday I made someone's life just that much better by fixing something up instead of going out to stop the bad guy. I wasn't evil, I didn't act like a vigilante and if she doesn't like that making me better than she's been acting then she can take it and stick it somewhere I used to enjoy sticking something else" and Cole slammed the phone down.

Paige gulped twice and stared at her cell phone.

"What?" said Piper.

Paige very slowly told Piper what Cole had just said.

"What do you think Phoebe had been saying to him? " Paige asked distracted.

"Well knowing Phoebe" Piper said "I don't care to think". She and Paige both sighed.

Paige suddenly giggled "Just sometimes, only sometimes I almost feel sorry for Cole "

Piper stared at Paige . "Paige " she said in a horrified tone then she too laughed "Me too" she said

**………………………………………………………………….. **

Cole sat and stared at the phone in its cradle. He wondered how just thinking about Phoebe got him in such a state. He looked up to see Francesca standing at the door to his office with a disapproving expression. "I expect better of you" she said and turned away.

Cole grimanced and turned back to the pile of paper on his desk.

Francesca went to morning coffee with a couple of the other paralegals. They talked generally and then one could not resist telling her that the office gossip was that her boss Cole was acting very erratic again.

The other paralegal laughed "Must be his ex wife again. He always goes off the rails when she's involved. "

Francesca did not answer directly but could not resist asking if the girls had ever met Cole's wife, ex wife

They both nodded and said she had been round the office quite a bit when the two were still married and just getting divorced.

"What's she like? " Francesca could not resist asking.

Mary and Jessica exchanged glances

Mary answered "She's a manipulative bitch"

Jessica smiled "She's a real sweetie" and the two looked at each other in surprise.

Francesca went back to her office. Cole was working away with the door open between the offices, she checked her messages then answered two from Cole's ex wife. She went into his office and told him he would have to do something about Phoebe.

Cole regretfully nodded.

"I will;" he said "I'll talk to her" he promised.

Francesca stood in front of Cole's desk, a severe expression on her face that made him feel he was a very naughty schoolboy "some people might think what she is doing is irrational" she said " Some people might even think what she is doing is stalking. " Somehow Francesca made it sound as if it was Cole's fault.

Cole looked up from his work. Suddenly he smiled and the effect was not lost, even on Francesca.

"I know" he said gently "Phoebe would to, if she was doing it to anybody but me "

"That does not make sense" Francesca said primly.

Cole only laughed "Not to you maybe but Phoebe had this idea she has ownership rights on me. She has the right to tell me how to behave, how to feel, how to think "

"That does not seem very reasonable" Francesca said

Cole openly laughed, "Yeah well she only does it because she thinks I'm in love with her. She thinks I love her unconditionally, irrevocability, eternally"

"Why would she think that? " Francesca asked severely

Cole winced "Because I told her" he said

"Did you mean it" Francesca asked even more severely

Cole nodded "Yes" he said in a sad tone.

" I'm very confused" Francesca answered almost defeated

"Well" he smiled " To know Phoebe is to live in a state of total confusion. "

**...............................................................................**


	6. Chapter 6

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 1:Better to have loved and lost

Chapter 6

Paige and Piper spent a very hectic day, scrying for evil and checking through San Francisco for unusual evil activity and magic. The next day, Saturday, was summer solstice and for the last five years Piper and Phoebe had known that this was a time with so many witches and Wicca followers celebrating, that demonic activity became very hectic. Sometimes just held their breath and hoped for the best. Last year the underworld had been in chaos. Even those demons that were outside the old Source's hierarchy were to disorganised they were not a serious threat but this year would be different. Ever since Tempus became the new Source, the Charmed Ones had been fighting demon cults and lodges which were on the outside the main hierarchy or had openly been at odds with the old Source but to frightened of him to act independently. The Elders believed that now they were fighting their way up the hierarchy and operating out of control, trying to establish their own power base. 

Evil may not have been as strong but the nests of activity this year were disturbing In same way when evil was strong it was easier because they could focus on the enemy but now, the rogues and cults were doing what they wanted and how and when they liked and it was harder to keep track of what was happening.

Leo was back and forth between his charges and the Elders and Paige and Piper managed to map the biggest pockets in the city. They had some anxiety about swarming demons and were very concerned about a huge activity around the edge of San Francisco where some of the major Wiccan feasts and activities happened.

Phoebe came home early from work, missing the usual Friday night out with her colleagues to be with her sisters. She almost wished she had not when Paige passed on Cole's message and Piper challenged her to know why Cole was so annoyed. Phoebe was stunned, caught between the venom of Cole's message and guilt because what drove her to contact him originally was tat she ws feeling downright horny. Even if the other calls had been about making him acknowledge her. Phoebe stumbled over the words, trying to find a way of explaining.

Piper stood with her hands on her hips glaring "Phoebe" she asked in her severest tone "Why have you been calling Cole?"

"I .".Phoebe stammered.

"Phoebe "stormed Piper "I know you so don't lie to me"

Phoebe gave in with a sigh " I just wanted to make sure he was all right, " she answered half truthfully" I just wanted to be really certain he was keeping his promises "she said "And he was filthy rude and he annoyed me."

"I have a right to know what he is doing" Phoebe said falling back on self righteous anger " and damn it he is not going to get away with hiding so he does not have to explain himself to me" she added.

"Phoebe" Paige tried to be reasonable "Don't you think Cole has maybe a right not to account himself to you"

"No of course not" Phoebe said in a voice clearly stated such an idea was preposterous "Cole was the Source of all; evil, and he went pretty well off the rails in the New Year. Of course I have to check on him, of course he has to explain himself otherwise he might turn evil again" 

Piper sighed "Oh Phoebe" she said in the voice of someone explaining to a child "Cole is not your Cole any longer. You divorced him remember. He isn't your husband. He isn't the Source. He isn't evil"

Phoebe looked more and more confused. "I know he's not evil. I'm just making sure he does not go back that way" she said" Weren't you the ones who said if he goes I go" and she smiled with the satisfaction of some one who had won an argument and had avoided explaining something she did not want to explain.

Piper knew Phoebe in this mood was beyond reason and gave up. Piper went into the kitchen to check on some casseroles she was making in case they did not have tome to prepare meals in the next few days. Paige opened her mouth to keep on arguing, but caught her sisters smug smile. For a second she clearly considered it would be a pleasure to slap Phoebe then satisfied herself by saying "You listen to me madam. If you want to go bitching around at Cole and arguing with him, you keep it between yourselves. Whatever he does for you, being woken up by Cole is not my idea of pleasure" and she stalked into the kitchen after Piper.

Phoebe guiltily swallowed.

"She really is screwing Cole around isn't she" Paige said to Piper almost in despair" I'm feeling more and more sorry for him every day"

Piper shook her head "Well Cole had better do something about it. He seems to be the only one who can get through to her in this mood"

Paige returned to the parlour and made Phoebe go to the attic to do some serious scrying while Piper called the baby sitter for Melinda. The woman was a witch but not very powerful. She understood magic enough not to be shocked at the goings on in the Halliwell household. She was unmarried in her forties and very, very shy. Piper had found Marly quite by accident when the Charmed Ones had been involved in protecting witch some not very powerful witches from some rogue warlocks who were out of Tempus' control. When asked if she wanted to celebrate solstice with a coven Marly said that she was more than happy to celebrate as a sole practitioner. She was rather overwhelmed at working for the Charmed Ones but the arrangement, aside from Phoebe being extremely uncomfortable with the hero worship, was working. The baby sitter said she would be happy to be there in the morning, or as soon as they wanted her.

The scrying told them of massive demon activity north of the city. Phoebe and Paige went to check it out. Piper called Leo and as a little surprised he did not answer but she knew this as a busy time for him and that the solstice was well on its way in some parts of the world and he would be busy. She called him several times in the next hour but he did not come.

Paige and Paige returned home and reported huge activities from a lower level sect but an all purpose demon be gone spell had frightened most off and the others they had dispatched with a fairly one side fight, then they returned home tired and sleepy.

Piper put Melinda to bed and went herself, She called Leo again before she went to bed and he did not answer which was unusual because he usually tried to let her know he was all right. But this was an unusual time of year. She slept fitfully always a little annoyed at the times she spent alone and woke at two to feed Melinda. She called Leo again but still no answer. She finished breast-feeding Melinda and put her daughter back to sleep and she checked her sisters.

Paige was asleep but when Piper went into Phoebe's room Phoebe was lying awake staring at the ceiling. Piper sat down on the edge of the bed and said" Hi sweetie."

Phoebe looked as she sat on the bed

"What's wrong love?" Piper said

Phoebe sighed "Have you ever thought about how big a double bed is"? She asked "when you sleep in it alone "

"Often" Piper said "lately alot . I know Leo does his best" she said "You know we promised he would not let US get in the way of his work But hell it gets lonely sometimes " she said wistfully. "Phoebe Is that why you were calling Cole" Piper asked. 

Phoebe nodded "I just feel so alone and so frightened of being alone. She smiled a little "And well there is an itch I so need to scratch it but I do have to talk to Cole about a few things before I, before both of us can move on" she looked a little teary" Piper I am tired of living in the past. I need a future." 

Piper answered carefully "Cole could be a be a pretty dangerous scratch " she said "Are sure there is no other medicine?"

"I've been looking" Phoebe said ruefully " But lately I've been thinking that has its own problems too. I keep wondering what if I meet some-one, not Cole, I mean and he was great but well the itch did not go away."

Then Phoebe giggled "Apart from all the other stuff, have you any idea how great Cole was in bed?"

" No" Piper answered dryly "its not something I ever thought to find out from him"

Phoebe giggled again "Well he was fantastic" she said and then she took a deep breath "Piper, would you understand if I said he was also safe "

Piper said, "What do you mean?"

Phoebe smiled a little wistfully and in the dark as the two sisters huddled close to whisper. Phoebe continued "I mean when everything was good, before it was shot to hell. He never judged, or made me feel, freaky, no matter what I wanted, and it was not the sex, it was having it with me, that mattered'

Phoebe whispered confidentially "I tried to fake it with him once you know, I was tired and a bit PMT and he wanted to, but I could not get there. I wanted the sex but I just wanted comfort sex, you know but then I thought hell, he'll think there was something wrong with him so I faked it. He knew straight away. I'm not sure how. I thought I was better than that but he was furious with me, not, for not getting there but for thinking he needed me to fake it to keep his ego going. He said being with me was enough." Phoebe took he sister's hands "I need to find some one who can make me feel like that again. Safe" but then she giggled nervously " But then I think if I find someone like that he might think it was all I needed. Cole never thought that"

Piper gulped and Phoebe giggle again " Actually" she said "I just meant to say sex with some one you love and trust is better" She looked at her sister hoping for understanding" If I ever get the chance of that again, I'm grabbing with both hands and never letting go"

"I know honey" Piper said sympathetically. Then after a few seconds she said gently and as carefully as she could. " Phoebe, Cole isn't safe though, whether he is good or evil, human or demon he is the most dangerous being any of us have ever faced and nothing is going to change that"

Phoebe nodded through her tears " I know how dangerous he really is, he just never was to me, at least until the end"

Piper nodded sympathetically and leant over to hug her sister but she could say no more. Both girls jumped as the phone rang. Phoebe who had an extension in her room reached out and took the call. She said yes in a tight voice and handed it to Piper.

Piper spoke for a few seconds and then said "Oui" and called Leo. He did not answer. "Okay "she said "Okay oui" into the phone. She turned toward Phoebe he face white.

"What's wrong?" said Phoebe getting out of bed

Piper answered grimly " That was Marie Claire in Toulouse? Another witch Leo looks after, I met her once. Leo is not answering her calls. She did not want to worry me but as its solstice…". Phoebe started to get dressed and Piper went to wake Paige.

Paige jumped out of bed and ran to get dressed. Phoebe threw on clothes then with a quick conference they decide that Paige and Phoebe would orb to Toulouse and see Marie Claire while Piper organised the baby sitter.

Half an hour later Phoebe and Paige returned very worried because, there was no sign of Leo and no calling from any of them got his attention. Piper trying not to panic said to Paige to try and get _up there_ to where she could contact the elders. Paige agreed when all of a sudden there was a flash and they turned and a rather odd shaped demon with a human from that was almost translucent green in the face, very skeletal and dressed in a black robe appeared behind them. Piper lifted her hand to blow it up when it gestured to stop and then with a skeletal smile that looked hideous said evilly "Stay away. Let us feast or it suffers and forever" and then in a burst of almost bilious green light it disappeared.

The girls looked at each other in horror and surprise.

"What was that?" Paige said in stunned voice Paige and Phoebe went upstairs to check the Book of Shadows and Piper went to check her daughter. Melinda was thankfully all right and with a coldness that belied her fear she slowly put into action the arrangements they had made for emergencies. She called the baby sitter and arranged to take Melinda there rather than stay in the manor, and pulled out the protection spell that would keep magic good and bad from working near the baby. Marly whose powers whose witchcraft was herbal lore, not magic was more than happy to have this arrangement.

Paige and Phoebe came back down carrying the Book of Shadows with a big picture of a being very like the skeletal green creature they had seen.

"What was it?" Piper asked.

"Soul sucker" Paige said reading from the Book. "Not much about them, a lower level cult, feeding off good magical souls. Something way off the usual evil radar. Don't kill good magical souls just leave them as immortal zombies. Does not say just mortal souls, so if they have Leo he is in huge trouble, not to be killed by them but …." she caught Piper's distraught face and stopped.

Phoebe continued "I'm guessing with so many witches gathering tomorrow they think if they can blackmail us into not protecting the witches by taking Leo"

"Why didn't this happen in other years" Piper demanded

Paige and Piper exchanged looks. Phoebe said slowly, "because the Source obviously ordered them off but you know the new one isn't strong and these guys are looking for a feast."

The girl had a quick discussion. Phoebe would drive Melinda to Marly's place because with the magic protection, she could not be orbed there. Piper said Paige should go up there to talk to the elders.

Paige bit her lip then as calmly as she could pointed out the Elders would not know how to get Leo back. "He'll be in the underworld, that's where they would hide him. We can't find him there" then she sighed. "But we know some one who can don't we?"

Piper with grim determination said "We'll meet you at Cole's, Phoebe"

Phoebe nodded, not voicing her concern. But she could not help wondering about the wisdom of falling back on old habits of asking Cole when it got to hard for the Charmed Ones. Wondering what it did to them, what it did to him.

  
**...........................................................................**


	7. Chapter 7

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 1:Better to have loved and lost

Chapter 7

  
It was five in the morning and Cole was actually asleep. Sleep was not something that came to him all that easily after a lifetime, a very long lifetime of denying it, and over the six months since Phoebe had stopped him, since he had stopped himself, falling into evil, he had learnt much about living as a human and one of the things that he learnt was unlike demons they did not function very well without sleep. Magical creatures like him could exist without it but he sometimes he wondered if some of the recent into madness had been because he deprived the human side of his nature. 

On this Friday night he had not felt like working. He had a few drinks with his colleagues at the law firm but felt very much an outsider so he left and wandered around the harbour watching the ships go under the bridge, even walking out across the bridge to feel the sea then he returned to his apartment. He sat in one of the chairs in the living room and read a long book because Cole hated being alone in the bedroom. It was one of the books that Phoebe told him she loved, one by Jane Austin. Previously he had always been put off by Phoebe's taste in literature but these days it brought him closer to her. He also secretly enjoyed the book but he was prepared to tell Phoebe how to vanquish him before he would admit it to her.

He read for a couple of hours and surprisingly even though he got lost in the book, started to feel healthily, sleepy. Sober but very tired about two in the morning he staggered into the bedroom, stripped off his clothes and left them distributed around the very untidy bedroom and fell onto the bed asleep.

He woke in confusion just after five, with dawn light coming through the window and the noise of the elevator buzzer being pressed urgently. Cole woke up enough to lean over to the buzzer beside the bed and press it "Yeah" he said.

"Cole" Piper said urgently "We have to come up. Now" she said when he hesitated.

"Who's we" he said sleepily

"Paige and me" said Piper urgently "Cole?" she demanded.

"Okay, okay" he said and punched the code in "Come on up" he muttered into the speaker. He caught Piper's angry sigh.

He staggered around the bedroom finding pants that were left on the floor and new underwear in a drawer and as he hear the elevator door ring, he went to come out of the room, then turned and found the shirt he had worn to work in a crumbled heap and thought as it was Piper he had better put it on.

He went out of the room still tucking his shirt in and caught Paige purse her lips "What do you want? " he snarled.

"How come, I couldn't orb in" Paige demanded.

"Because I put a block on anyone else's magic materialising here" Cole answered in a voice that was barely reasonable. "What do you want?"

"We need your help "Piper said in a voice that was something only marginally less than a demand

"Phoebe" breathed Cole, ready for action "Where is she?"

"She's dropping Melinda off at the babysitters" Piper answered "Leo, Cole" Piper said and this time her voice wavered "We think demons have him in the underworld"

Cole hesitated for a second and then softened. Gently he asked, "What happened?"

Piper quickly told him about the soul sucker, leeches taking Leo. Cole's expression turned grim.

"They should not have taken Leo to the underworld. It's against all demonic law to kidnap innocents and drag them to the underground like warlocks stealing powers from demons. Punishable by death.

Paige eyed him. Phoebe told me that's what you did to that detective" she said.

"I was bad" he said unrepentantly "I'll see what I can find out "he said and went to shimmer then came back.

"Shoes" he answered as the girl's looked at him quizzically. He went into the bedroom and found a pair surprisingly easily. Piper and Paige who were used to Cole being more organised, exchanged a glance.

"Can I let Phoebe in while you're gone?" Paige asked.

Cole nodded and went to shimmer. Paige caught his arm. "What's the code Cole?" she asked.

Cole was genuinely embarrassed. "Phoebe's birthday" he mumbled. "Numbers" and shimmered out so he did not have to see their reaction.

He had not been in the underworld for three months and then it was only been quickly. A part of him was hoping that Leo was in the underworld because if he wasn't Cole could not, would not, must not help the Charmed Ones, and he was not looking forward to telling them, to telling Phoebe that. He found his way to the Source's new headquarters. Tempus, no fool had not left anything the way it was when the Charmed Ones had destroyed the Source and the upper levels of the underworld. He noted a few things. One was that there were blocks on good magic. Orbing down would have been very dangerous. He reminded himself that he should warn Paige. Cole did not risk going close enough to see Tempus but he did get to a meeting chamber. Cole mused to himself that if it weren't for running meetings, where factions fought and enemies could slip in and overhear plans, evil would have long since taken over the realm.

It did not take him very long to discover that Tempus hold over the underworld was very limited, that many of the demon cults and underground groups of warlocks were acting independently and in competition and without focus and cohesion. The soul suckers operation was not "official" but Tempus was operating on the principle of letting opposition and rogue groups do as much damage as they could and then fight each other. In time he would finish off the remaining ones. And that meant letting them break every law of the underworld including kidnapping innocents to the dark world. Leo was definitely somewhere in the underworld. And Cole guiltily felt some relief. He did not have to face Phoebe and her sisters and refuse to help them. Cole smiled softly to himself and thought of something he foun in all the reading he had doing to fill time "Chaos is the law of nature." It certainly was in the underworld"

He shimmered back to the apartment. Piper was anxiously pacing up and down while Paige sat nervously on the edge of the sofa. Phoebe was standing at the balcony window staring out at the view of across the harbour. She knew that view well. It seemed to be there for every ache she had in her heart.

She was almost immediately aware of Cole coming back and turned to face him. She had time to compose her expression but the sight of him, the first time in more than 3 months made her heart leap. He looked dishevelled, he needed a shave, his hair was uncombed and longer than it had been. He was wearing a crumbled blue shirt that had 4 buttons undone so that the hair on his chest showed, and blue grey trousers that badly needed pressing, the shirt was not tucked in properly. He took her breath away.

He had a about a second to compose himself and managed to give her a wry smile that did not reach his eyes. But inwardly his whole body tensed with the ache. She was plumper than she had been when he last saw, and the slightly fuller figure suited her, her breasts were fuller and jutted a under a sweater and a the fuller hips were displayed under rather tight stretch jeans. Her hair was longer and had blond streaks in the dark colour. Somehow or other she reminded him of the Phoebe he had fallen in love with. Her large brown eyes weren't smiling and she looked very, very worried. With an effort Cole pulled himself away from looking at her and turned to Piper.

"Well "Piper said anxiously

Cole sucked his lips together then answered "Good news and bad it isn't the new source Tempus, just a cult group. Lots of them seem to be operating at the moment. Tempus is choosing to let them. Does not want to risk losing a battle with them"

"We know about the cults " Piper snapped, "Where's Leo?. Can you find him?"

"I don't now" Cole answered "This group is operating out of someplace along way from Tempus. The underworld is riddled with pockets. Could be anywhere." 

Piper started to yell "Cole" she demanded.

"I'll do what I can Piper" he said. He turned to Paige "You've been able to sense him before. Can you do it again?"

"I can't sense him at the moment" Paige said "I tried that is why we are sure he's down below and unless they have a dark lighter still; alive "

Cole shook his head "Doubt they have a darklighter. Leeches don't work well with dark lighters" he said cryptically "Come down with me" he said to Paige

" I'll orb" Paige said hastily.

"You can't" he said and explained.

He stood facing Paige but eyeing Phoebe as she went to Piper and put her arms around her. As she turned her back on him, Cole noticed the Jane Austin book on the chair, so quietly he slide over and jammed it behind a cushion and looked up to see Paige watching him. She glared at him he sighed and held out his hand. Paige took it and he shimmed her down to the underworld. Paige felt nervous and the air of evil seemed to weigh her down. 

"Why is it worse than before?" she said to Cole who had to hold her

"Evil out of control" he whispered.

They tried a few spots and then a long way from San Francisco Paige was finally able to get a glimmer .She turned to Cole "I can't locate him but he's a long way from here. In that direction" she said pointing at stone, "In pain but still complete"

Cole nodded. He held out his hand and he and Paige shimmered back to the apartment. She immediately dropped her hand from him and told an anxious Piper what had happened 

Piper was brief in her reply. When she was frightened she was always sharp "Okay how do we find him?"

She said getting angry. She pointed at Cole accusingly "He can't find Leo, you can barely sense him." But her face was drawn and colourless, and she was wringing her hands in tension.

Phoebe looked at Cole and spoke to him for the first time "Maybe I can get a premonition down there" she said not taking her eyes of Cole's face. He sighed and looked away and missed the quick flash of longing.

"We'll do all we can Piper" he promised

"Everything" Phoebe said and held her hand out to Cole. He gingerly touched her fingers.

"I'll have to go to the manor and get something of Leo's" she said not looking at Cole. He nodded and shimmered them off.

Phoebe gulped mid shimmer because she had forgotten that unlike orbing the demonic movement involved total absorption of the person or object touched and she shuddered as she felt Cole totally surround and absorb her body. She had once loved that feeling of being lost in him. He brought them out of the shimmer in Piper and Leo's bedroom and immediately dropped her hand as if it burnt him. She snatched it back.

She moved over to Piper and Leo's dresser and smiled a little wryly to find that the dresser was covered with Piper's things. In the laundry basket she found an unwashed shirt of Leo's and picked it up.

"I hope this will do" she said a lite awkwardly to Cole who was almost cringing back against the bedroom door in order to put as much available space between them. She held out her hand and he touched her fingers. Throughout the shimmer she tried very hard not to be totally sensually aware that Cole had absorbed her body, but the sheer velocity of the evil as they went through the underworld actually overwhelmed her senses and as they came out of the shimmer she found herself clutching on to his shirt just to with stand the pressure. Cole dropped his hand and Phoebe dropped her hold as if his body burnt her. She glance sideways at him under her lashes and was frightened by the grimness of his expression.

Cole had brought them out in a dark caverned space where the only light seemed to come from a grim green glow on the walls. She whispered to Cole " Is this place safe?"

"Trust me" he said and she was confused as to whether he was being sarcastic or reassuring her or both.

Taking a deep breath, because the air on the underworld made her ill she held Leo's shirt against her and then willed and forced a premonition and it was horrific. It was a cavern with a stone of green and ochre colours, cold forbidding and she saw green translucent, demons swarming over Leo touching, evil sucking away his magic ands the whole force of his soul. She noted the place, the cold, nauseating light. Why was the green and ochre light so ugly,? She felt the damp, different to the rest of the underworld, she felt the feeding frenzy of those demons and she noted the feeling of lateness and time moving slowly pulling away from her.

She gasped and staggered back as Cole caught her and jumped as her body went on fire from his touch. He dropped her like hot coal. "Got something" he said

She told him what she had seen in a tight little voice that cut him into pieces

When he sighed she forgot the tension between them and asked concerned. "Anything there that can help you find Leo?"

"I have an idea nearly where he is being held and when that premonition happened "Cole said" I know where and when that ochre, green light happens but what you told me is but enough to go and get him." He caught the hurt and disappointment in her eyes

She spun on him " You're supposed to be unvanquishable. What's your problem?" she hissed at him

With more patience than he felt eh said quietly "Its not whether I can be vanquished. Its whether I can get in their close enough to Leo and get him out before they swarm on him and suck his soul out" Cole reached for her hand without being aware of it. "Phoebe, I'll do my best and my best includes not letting Leo end up a soulless zombie". He went to let her hand go when he realised he had taken it but she held on. He looked down at her with the special smile he saved for her and said with more determination than she had believed he felt "I'll get him back Phoebe.

He clasped her hand a little more tightly and shimmered them away. Phoebe knew Cole was doing his best not to connect and it left her feeling a sadness and rejection she never thought she would feel.

They arrived back at the apartment maybe 15 minutes in that time span after they had left. It was close to 6 am and Piper and Paige were both together sitting huddled on the sofa. Piper jumped up as Cole and Phoebe appeared and demanded" Well?"

Phoebe moved to sooth her and Cole smiled a little. He recognised Piper's bitchiness was a cover for pain. Phoebe explained the premonition and Piper concerned said "What does it mean. We just let Leo get hurt, without doing anything.

"It hasn't happened yet Piper " Phoebe answered

"How do you know that" Piper demanded.

"She doesn't, I do Piper " Cole said as patiently as he could

Cole met Phoebe's eyes over the top of her sister's head. "I know fairly well where they are but not close enough to locate Leo exactly, but that premonition was not until, later much later. There is no day or night in the underworld but ther eis a time of transition and that ochre light is the transition, about 10 hours from now" Cole said "I 'm guessing What Phoebe saw was what happens when you refuse to pay the ransom, when you don't back away from protecting witches in solstice and the soul suckers go back to exact vengeance, and suck Leo's soul out."

"You can't let that happen" Piper snarled

"Well I am going to do my best not to let that happen" Cole snapped and met Phoebe's eyes again

"I know" she mouthed he smiled a little

There was an awkward silence between all four, when Paige decided that this was not the time to deal with issues. Leo's problems were far more pressing. She said "Okay Cole what do you want to do what can we do""

'What are we going to do" bit out Piper "Cole is going to shimmer us down there and we are going to get him out, that's what we are going to do"

"No "Cole said very quietly " We aren't going to do that"

All thee girls stood to face him. "How many time had that happened" Cole thought to himself. "Fighting all the way."

He took a breath "You are going to do what you had to do for solstice to protect those who need protecting. Do what you have to do. when the leeches go back for Leo I follow them and get him. I know where they are going; they won't lose me in the move

Piper looked at Cole and gaped "If you know where he is why don't you go down there and just get him" she demanded hurt, aching in pain and Cole, felt it, every last aching pain, understanding the loss of some one you loved; being forced to make choices that hurt them so badly they maynever recover.

He turned away from the venomous stares the three witches were giving him to look over the harbour view which was now bright light. He took a deep breath and then turned back

"Because Piper" he said as gently as he could "There has been enough breaking of the rules. You are not going to the underworld to start blasting away at demons in their own territory. They don't go up there and you don't go down. "

Piper started to open her mouth to yell at Cole and he said softly "Piper shut up" and thought of all the times he wanted to say that to her and would have enjoyed it. "And " he continued, "You wouldn't be of any use. You all have good magic souls. They would just swarm you, and all you would do is put yourself at risk and not save Leo. And " he added pointedly" You would make me chose who I can save and you know who that would be " and he looked at Phoebe who glared.

"Don't even think it " she said

"Wouldn't be anything to do with you honey" Cole said "my choice not yours" Then as she looked ready to explode" But you're not going down there so it isn't going to happen"

"Then you just go down and get him. You're unvanquishable. You can take the demons out" Paige said 

Cole shook his head" If I go in there blasting demons away, they will swarm Leo and suck the life out of him. Before I can get to him and secondly" he said very slowly "because I no longer have the self defence, defence. I can't go in there and kill every creature in my way and claim it 's to protect my life, because they can't kill me. Hell I could be blasting some bloody demon that is on the verge of crossing into good, I don't know if any are, do you?"

Piper stared at Cole who crossed his arms and challenged her with the stance of his body. Numerous emotions crossed Piper's face until the one Cole least expected which was that she crumpled into tears. "You have no idea what it is like to be so frightened of losing some one you love" she said to Cole and he then with a glance at Phoebe who lowered her eyes, Cole said "I'll get him back Piper."

"He's right Piper" Paige said in the voice of someone who hated herself for saying it. Phoebe said nothing but kept her eyes on Cole's face until he looked away.

The girls, with Piper summoning her courage arranged to go to the solstice festival.. Cole shimmered after them and had plenty of opportunity to consider what he was about to do. He knew he was very close to crossing the line where he should not interfere and if he did anything that was not involved in rescuing Leo he would. He also knew the risk he was taking to himself. Because those demons smelt good magic souls and when they smelt as powerful a soul as Cole's in the underworld, he was gambling that the demonic origin of his powers would confuse the swarm long enough to stop them swarming Leo. He also swallowed a bitter hurt that none of the witches had questioned whether his soul was at risk

Cole spent the day watching the girls and several other witches at various times and in various ways battle the soul sucking demons, who attached their sucker right near the heart at the close point of the aura. They sucked on the aura and took the magic and spirit from the soul, leaving a soulless zombie in their place. The soul suckers appeared to have won the battle for the rights to attack in San Francisco on this Solstice. They were attracted to magic human by scent almost and once hanging on were extremely difficult to get to let go, because if they left their tentacles in, it took very powerful good magic to heal.

They also fought in a way that always repelled Cole. They sent in their weaker soldier demons to fight and distract and be vanquished while the more powerful of the swarm hung back waiting until the victim was distracted by the swarming lower level demons then they stuck their leech sucker s in and fed and became powerful, while the soldiers who survived were lucky if they got a taste.

Cole watched the girls efficiently dispatched the soldier resisting the impulse to protect when it wasn't necessary. After failing to feast all day it took quite a few minutes of this fight before the upper level more powerful members of the swarm realised that the Charmed ones were fighting. They were standing back in human form, watching the ceremony and suddenly one almost erupted as it realised the flashes and bangs that looked part of the ceremony were the Charmed ones were getting rid of soldiers. It took, off to fast for Cole to catch it but when a second one left, he was able to track it straight away and he followed it to a strange fluorescent green cavern where it was almost impossible to tell which were demons and what was walls until the wall began to shake and he realised it was the demons swarming Leo.

The soldiers sniffed Cole immediately and spun toward him. It was a crazy swarm like bees or insects beating at him but the size of the swarm protected Cole and no upper level sucker demon was able to get hold of him. And the swarm left Leo free of all but a few high ranked demons which had attached themselves to Leo. Cole felt himself stung but the demons seemed confused at the demonic power and nothing attached to him. He was able to shimmer from the swarm to Leo where he zapped the demon attached to the whitelighter. He decided that was a handy power he had acquired recently, and fireballed two more before reaching Leo touching him and shimmering out.

Leo tried to gasp something which Cole was unable to understand but Leo seemed pissed. Leo was in a bad way. The demon had got suckers into his aura and he needed some very powerful whitelighter power to heal him, or his soul would slowly ebb away through the injury. Cole shimmered Leo to the manor left him there and shimmered to the girls to find Paige. It hurt to shimmer. The bites he had taken from the soul suckers were starting to effect him, and as it was his soul that was effected not his body, all his healing powers did not work.

The swarms had got the Charmed Ones away from the other witches and the soul suckers had decided to to swarm to the largest power. Paige was surrounded and Piper was not keeping up with the number attacking her. Phoebe was on her own because it was obvious they were looking for her more powerful sister. The swarm stopped as Cole shimmered in and they felt for the powerful magic. Cole managed to quickly protect himself from the worst of the swarm who fortunately were low ranked soldiers while Phoebe and Piper wiped the others off Paige. Those demons left must have felt leaderless and outnumbered because they all disappeared in quick green light flashes. Cole glanced around, people were walking in the park, games were going on and no one noticed a full demon attack on a public park. Cole caught Phoebe glancing around just as nervously.. "San Francisco" she mouthed as passer by's paid no attention. Cole, raised his eyebrows. Just for an instant both forgot the past year.

Cole moved to where Piper was leaning over her sister. She looked up to him to ask "Leo? "

"Not good "he answered, "he's out but he has some suckers in him. He needs an elders or a powerful whitelighter to get it out. I was coming to get Paige here to orb him up there".

Paige weakly nodded but she was not able to do anything, even move

"Can you feel any talons, or claws or suckers in you" Piper anxiously asked.

"No "Paige whispered weakly " just stung – a lot. This feels worse than the bats."

"Cole, Leo?" Piper demanded her voice hoarse. "He needs to get up there. Paige can't help"

Phoebe hovering over Paige put out her hand and touched Cole and his body felt on fire" Can you get Leo up there?"

"You're joking" Cole said " You're not joking" he answered himself as he saw Phoebe annoyed face 

"You can try" she ordered him." Leo could go down, you can go up. What's with the not trying." She glared at him Phoebe of old pushing at him making him do what she wanted him to try.

"Phoebe he said we're talking about up there, elders, I'm you know what I am"

"I thought you weren't evil, Why can't you go up ther"' she said bitterly" What are you?"

Cole shrugged helplessly then he caught Piper's tear stained face and he gave up and shimmed out.

Back to the manor where Leo was lying in the sofa almost comatose, Cole took a deep breath, took some paper wrote a very clear note saying the Charmed Ones needed a white lighter and Leo had sucker demons talons in his soul and stuck it in Leo's shirt pocket. Then Cole took a deep breath as if he were about to dive into very deep water without an air supply, firmly grasped Leo's shoulders and shimmered.

It was agony, for Cole. It was like swimming with his lungs bursting for air and feeling he would never find any. He was drowning on the feel of it and it took all his efforts to drag himself through the barriers and finally he emerged on the edge of up there, where he was still gasping as he materialised and found the air seemed so light it barely filed his lungs. He gasped and gasped as he tried to take enough in and then slowly looked up to see the emerging forms of ghostly elders and white lighter's closing toward him. He slowly said choking to get the words out. "He needs help and lowered Leo to the ground."

**..............................................................................**


	8. Chapter 8

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 1:Better to have loved and lost

Chapter 8

  
Cole struggled for breathe again and then summoning all his energy shimmed away. He battled to get out of there, feeling like he was caught and in an endless choke. And he was well into the earth realm before he could half way breathe again. His lungs body and soul felt tortured, he had been bitten enough himself by the suckers and as he came out of the shimmer he became very aware of the pain from it. 

He shimmered onto a lonely beach on the pacific coast and collapsed, lying there on the sand gasping, using the fresh salt air and feeling to heal his soul and allowed the magical healing of his body to take over. Even for something as powerful as Cole, the process took nearly half an hour. He alone knew the hammering he had given his soul, both through the demons and taking Leo to the above. He was surprised he had got through; wondered how he did get through especially carrying demonic energy and venom in his soul. His body and soul and aura felt bent and battered. Finally when he could breath normally and hold his battered spirit and body together, he shimmered back to the manor.

Paige was lying barely awake on the sofa where Cole had laid Leo. Her sisters were both fussing over her, and a sombre white lighter in a robe stood back after he slowly ran his hand over her, healing her. Phoebe, Piper and the whitelighter looked at Cole as if they could not understand who he was. Cole started to ask if Paige was okay but the blank rigid expressions on Piper and Phoebe's faces were far to familiar. Cole knew them well; he was not welcome. He shrugged a little helplessly and shimmered away. After all what he had done. Nothing unusual, he had saved the family again and they did not say thanks.

Cole went back to the apartment and braced himself for a bad night. He finally decided he could not stand it there and because it hurt so much to shimmer, he drove to a beach south of San Francisco and sat on the beach and watched the sunset. He was not alone on the beach but even so the waves and air gave him some peace. His body could repair itself but the damage done to his soul was harder because the only way to heal was to attach to something and all he could think of was Phoebe and why he loved her.

And just thinking of the Phoebe he loved eased the pain in his soul. Phoebe who was so frightened of being evil, which was ironic when she was so very, very good. She could not have defeated evil when it attacked her so many times if she had not been, much of the reason he loved her was because she was good, not perfect but good. Cole smiled to himself; Phoebe was far from perfect. She could be difficult, outrageous, demanding, possessive, contrary, awkward, confident, fearful, loving, trusting, bitter when betrayed, sexually provocative, experienced and a total innocent. He was both fascinated and irritated by her.

There was passion between them, undeniable, exciting, flaming passion between Cole and Phoebe. Cole was well aware that even now he only had to be near her for the passion to explode. At the moment the passion showed itself in anger, irritation and annoyance, because that was the only way they could express it, but other ways were just as easy. However, aside from all the passion and deep soul wrenching attraction and heart ache she had brought him, Cole cared deeply for Phoebe. Mild as the word seemed he liked her. She irritated him and she amused him. When she chose to be outrageous even at his expense, he laughed. Phoebe was a contradiction upon a contradiction. To know Phoebe was to live in a world of confusion. The one thing that he and Piper and Prue all had in common was that knowing Phoebe they forgave her a great deal because she so damned sweet and good and she needed to be forgiven so badly.

He felt the warmth of her humour, her aggravating demands, and the integrity of her choice to follow her destiny, he felt her idealism and it healed his soul.

He found the Phoebe he loved on beaches. She healed his soul and his heart and as the sun went down he was calmer and more at peace than he had been for quite a few weeks.

Calm enough to be able to look at some things he had previously not dared. Today had been both good and bad. The Charmed Ones had come to him and asked, demanded his help and there was some satisfaction in that. He had taken risks but not reckless ones. He knew what it would cost him, although it was easier to accept that his soul was going to be badly hurt than to live the reality. He had been able to tell the Charmed Ones what he would do and what he would not do. That was today.

But Cole also knew that today he had come very close to the limits of what he could do without altering the balance between good and evil. This time he had not crossed the line, but he had gone very close because Piper had cried and he felt her hurt and because Phoebe had looked at him with big brown eyes, pleading, demanding, hoping. And he had not hesitated. Why had he done it?

Had he done it to please her, to be near her, to make her want him again? All that had happened was what had happened every time. The Charmed Ones, Phoebe, had barely acknowledged what he had done. Nothing changed. The next time would he take the risk, cross the line, do something so dangerous that it would cost all of them more than it was worth? As he had done when he had taken the Hollow.

For what? To win Phoebe, who if she no longer blamed him, resented him. He reminded her of things she did not want to be reminded about. He believed, he knew that on one level she loved him which meant when she was near him, she blew hot and cold, and it was tearing him apart. He loved her, would always love her but she was the worst temptation he could have. He feared that somewhere in the hurt she inflicted on him, his courage and resolve would fail, he would give into the hurt in an unguarded moment do something he would regret. And it came to him that in a choice between living with unrequited love and regret and having his guts ripped out, it was no contest. There was nothing left for him in San Francisco, the job that he held onto to was not worth it, the girl was not there for him. All he had to do was finish off with a couple of innocents who needed help in the court and move on, move away. 

He would never love again. It was not an option for him as far to much depended on him loving the witch his fate was tied to but if he could put some space between them then perhaps time could put distance and harmony between them too, instead of just being the agonising counting of minutes and seconds they were apart which it was now. He could live as a mortal, help the odd innocent, find a small life for a while at least, away from the battle of good and evil, of great fates and realms. Find some peace for his soul.

**…………………………………………………………….. **

**_On a beach in Ireland, on a summer solstice night so many, many years later a dark clad man stared into the fading light and listened as the waves crash, lost in his thoughts. She came to him on beaches. He found the Phoebe he loved on beaches, all the contrary, confusing, loving beauty of her and for a little while the memory of her brought peace to his soul._**

**…………………………………………………………….. **


	9. Chapter 9

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 2:Phoebe being Phoebe

Chapter 9

**_On an island beach at a time that was far away from what some called the present, a man sat quietly, appreciating the feeling of paradise, the warmth of the sun, the view of palm trees and white sands, and the sound of waves from a crystal blue sea lapping on the beach. His thoughts were gentle, looking back because he had no gift to look forward. Because she came to him on beaches he thought of Phoebe and when he thought of Phoebe the thought of love._**

**__**

**_He smiled wryly, thinking of a little girl he had tried to help not so long ago. She had not appreciated his help._**

**__**

**_She had screamed at him" When I see you all I see is a dark angel." In agony she had demanded, 'What do you know of love?"_**

**__**

**_And he had thought of Phoebe, her big brown eyes looking into his as she told him she would always love him_**

**__**

**_"What do I know about love? Everything" he had answered the girl firmly._**

**__**

**_And then he had thought of Phoebe in all her contradictions, demanding, loving, loyal, unyielding, teasing, passionate, understanding and unreasonable and then he had smiled, not to the girl, but a smile he saved for Phoebe. "What do I know about love" he had said to the girl "Not a damned thing"_**

**……………………………………………………………… **

At the manor, while the whitelighter healed Paige after the attack of the soul sucker demons, Phoebe had been aware that Cole shimmered in. She looked up at him, registered with amusement the whitelighter's shock and sobered as she saw Piper's grim face. She noticed the greyness of Cole's face, the dullness of his eyes and the drawn haunted expression. She stared at him and Piper must have noticed it too because she was staring as Cole hard as if she was wondering momentarily what the effort had cost him. Paige moaned and Phoebe was distracted by her sister and it was only when she heard Piper call Cole twice that she realised that Cole had gone.

Paige was very ill that night and to help her Piper grimly tried to keep her concern about Leo under control. The whitelighter firmly told them that the soul suckers talons had done some serious damage and it would be a few days before Leo would be healed. He needed magic and the power of the Elders and he would have to stay with them until then and Piper had to be satisfied with that.

Phoebe ran between her sisters, looking after Paige and comforting Piper and around 10 was relieved that the herbal tea they had made foe Paige had finally allowed her to sleep and not very long after both Phoebe and Piper tired and aching both feel into bed and asleep. Phoebe kept having this nagging feeling she had forgotten something. She woke up a couple ogf hours later as she heard Piper feeding Melinda. She went into Piper's room and stayed with her sister as she fed Melinda. Melinda finally finished and gurgled and Piper's eyes shut, tired worn out emotionally finished.

Phoebe took Melinda out of her mother's arms and burped her, then she changed the baby and put out her back in her cot, when the baby finally settled she gently kissed Melinda she went out to Piper's bedroom where found her sister asleep in a heap on top of the quilt. Phoebe carefully moved her until she was stretched in the bed and then covered her. She gently kissed her Piper on the forehead then it suddenly hit her what she had forgotten. OMG she thought. She glanced at Piper finally exhaustedly asleep, she checked Melinda again and she was asleep . She left the room and turned out the lights and walked across the hall. Paige was sleeping soundly. Phoebe went across to her own room, pulled on the first clothes she could find snuck downstairs into the kitchen, took the keys to Paige's car which was the last one in the drive and let herself out the house.

Cole finally arrived back at the apartment at midnight and went straight to bed, giving into his human nature, which was protesting at the battering it had taken during the day. He woke up a little while later and saw the bed clock that said 2.10. While he was still orientating himself the elevator bell rang and he jumped out of bed wondering who in the hell knew the code. He heard Phoebe call his name. He would have thought he was dreaming except she sounded pissed.

He snapped on the bedroom light and headed for the door, dragging on a pair of track pants that were conveniently on the floor beside the bed. It took him about five seconds. He turned on the living room light to see Phoebe was already out of the elevator, her hands on her hips, expressing her annoyance. For a second it crossed Cole's mind he would give a great deal to see her happy in his presence just once more. He sighed and leaned against the bedroom door. She was dressed in jeans and a T shirt, her hair uncombed. As if she had fallen out of bed and dragged her clothes on

"Paige gave me the code" she said in answer to his unspoken question.

Cole just raised his eyebrows. He could think of nothing to say.

He stood at the bedroom door from her just staring. He remembered the last time she had charged into the apartment, to tell him she would kill….vanquish him. Phoebe stood just inside the elevator, the apartment suddenly seemed huge, and the distance between them a world a universe apart.

Finally Cole bit out "What do you want Phoebe" harder, harsher than he meant.

She shuffled her feet then with an effort met his eyes. "I woke up" she said" I realised I had forgotten something"

He hesitated awkwardly "I didn't know anything of yours was still here" he said "but if you wait I'll look."

She moved deliberately across the room and the distance between them was so close, Cole was nearly overwhelmed by the scent of her then took a deep breath "I realised I forgot to say thank you" she said.

Cole's world spun. The room went around, the universe went around. He tried to think of a hundred things to say and then all he could do was sigh and smile, the smile he saved for her "You're welcome" he answered.

"I better go" she replied suddenly awkward, embarrassed. "What did you think he would do" Phoebe asked herself" Be so grateful for two little words he'd sweep you into his arms, play Prince Charming"

He nodded. "Good idea"

She turned to go and he watched her back and then he could not help himself. Just for a little while Phoebe was being sweet around him, caring, like she used to be, sometimes. Against all good sense he wanted to hold the memory, to drag out the moment. He asked, "Want a coffee or something, for friendship's sake"

" No" she answered, but saw his face, his disappointment. "Yes just a coffee."

Cole smiled, trying to keep it neutral, easy "Put it on" he said " Everything is in the same place" He indicated his shirtless state. "I'll just get dressed." He was like a little boy, grateful for a crumb of her company, wanting, caring, trying so hard.

Phoebe looked at him. She had had a day, really a week of him in her life. They had shared some good moments, then joined through shimmering and it had brought all the remembrance of happier time and besides there was the nagging itch she had had all week. Hope welled up and made her brain and her body ache with longing and Phoebe being Phoebe acted on her thoughts. She suddenly stared as if she was seeing Cole for the first time or the last. She shuddered, and her eyes were suddenly teary. She turned away and then looked back at him.

"Why bother?" she asked provocatively I've seen you naked. She stood arching her hips and wet her lips intentionally, or other wise he had no idea.

Cole stopped in his tracks, not the least because he felt a warmth flow though his lower body, that almost hurt. "Phoebe" he said slowly "Don't. Its been a long day and an emotional week. Stop teasing because I'm not that sure I can say no."

She pouted, provocatively, suggestively, innocently, naively, knowing precisely what she was asking.

"Phoebe" he sighed, No other words could come. Phoebe would always be Phoebe. Wanting what she wanted, when, how, on her terms He also knew Phoebe well enough to know what she wanted now was not always what she wanted tomorrow. Say yes to her now, tomorrow it would be his fault. "Phoebe" he sighed again.

"Aren't you interested" she asked the pout getting stronger. Her hips arched so far forward she was touching against him, her breasts, with nipple clearly protruding through the T-shirt right in his sight. She moved her hand so she touched his groin lightly, then eyes bright and tongue protruding through her lips, she moved her hand to his face.

He caught it and held it away from him, "Phoebe" he sighed again "Stop it! This is not us. Its just because I'm here and you want to make a point"

"I want. You" Phoebe bit out.

"You want sex Phoebe" he said, his voice wavering. He knew her well. "We had a day of shimmering and fighting demons and you want to finish the day the way we used to, Old habits die hard"

"I thought you wanted me" she sulked.

"I want you," he said "but getting what you want isn't always…good."

.

"Aren't you still in love with me" she pouted, a little girl demanding sweets.

He could honestly deny that, what he felt for her was something so far beyond being in love and there was a little thrill in him that saying no would hurt her, just a little the way she hurt him. "No" he said "I'm not IN love with you, but I want you badly." She glanced down and then looked into his face and happily smiled seeing how badly he wanted her.

"Go" he said. In agony "Just get out of here" he snapped.

He shouldn't have said it. No to Phoebe was an invitation to do anything she could, just to get her own way, at least it always was when she was with him. She moved even closer to him standing on tiptoe to rub herself against him.

Cole sighed mightily. He put his hands on her shoulders and deliberately pushed her away and stepped back "Go home" he said

And just for a second Phoebe ached. She saw him hurting and a little of the Phoebe who loved him so dearly whispered "Cole"

He stopped, then walked back to her gently touching her face "Honey. You had better go" he said firmly, never wanting to harm her again " Go for your sake, if not for me"

She stood still and he hesitated and then moving behind her gently put his hands on her shoulders, turned her around and steered her to the elevator "Honey, go " he said. He pushed her into it.

When she was safely in the back of it, Cole quietly said "Thank you."

"For what "she asked

"For the thanks" he answered simply.

The doors shut, he turned away. She was gone leaving Cole relieved, angry, aching with the need of her, bemused. Then he laughed out loud Phoebe would always be Phoebe. Thankfully. He had barely reached the bedroom door when the bell on the elevator again and the doors opened she ran across the room so that he had to catch her and lift her in self defence.

She kissed his mouth, his face, She caught her hand in his hair and he held his arm under her arms and was a foot off the ground as she dragged him down to her. Then he just ran out of strength to fight her as she offered what he had wanted so badly, dreamed off and then he pulled back his mouth against hers very still.

" I need to feel you one more time" she whispered.

"Oh Phoebe" he muttered as the vague hope it wasn't just sex faded.

"You sound like Piper" she giggled.

"Bitch" he sighed

He wanted her, she was offering and she knew what she wanted, even if tomorrow, she was going to claim he seduced her, or she was overwrought or whatever reason she could come up with that would make it his fault. He gave in to the tide, one more time, something to remember for eternity.

He moved into the bedroom, while she was still wrapped around him. He threw himself on the bed and took her with him, just turning enough to make sure she did not take his full weight. He ripped the t shirt off her. and leant down so he could feel he breasts pressed against him. She kicked her shoes off and the pants went the same way. She felt him inside her, she had cried for him to be inside her and her whole body responded. She ripped her nails into him And gave way to the sheer overwhelming relief of being desired, wanted again, being loved again. Only afterwards instead of teasing, pleasing wonderful words of love Cole rolled off Phoebe breathing hard and lay on his back staring at the ceiling.

"If you dare say you're sorry I'm going to kill you" she breathed at him and when he did not respond she moved as far away from him as she could.

Neither spoke nor looked each other. Time stopped spinning and the sobering fact of what they had done hit them.

Phoebe broke first. She sat up. "I'm going" she announced. Then almost accusingly she said " I tasted blood. What happened to the acid?" she demanded accusingly

.

Cole sat up to and sighed "it's just another power Phoebe. I can control it. It doesn't control me. Ever"

She snorted, whether from derision, disgust or disbelief he wasn't sure.

"You know where the shower is" he said.

Phoebe moved off the bed and started shuffling around. "That's okay" she said. "Where are my clothes?"

Cole put on the bedside light and she looked.

"This place is a pigsty" she announced looking at his clothes around the floor, the bed that had not been made in days and another pile of clothes on the bedroom chair.

Cole tense was pushed into saying "None of your business."

Phoebe gave him a filthy glare and he lay back watching as she crawled naked around the floor, looking for clothes and shoes. She did not find her t shirt but she found one of Cole's on the floor and put it on. "This stinks" she told him sniffing at it and tuning up her nose, but she kept it.

Cole did not get out of bed. Phoebe found her car keys in her jeans pocket. She prayed for him to say it, but pride, ego, fear kept the words away. All he did was silently watch her dress, taking in every movement. She walked away, for the moment just angry that she had given into the need, her head determinedly up.

"Thanks" she said sarcastically over her shoulder not looking back

"Glad to be of …service" Cole drawled.

He heard the elevator go and lent back against the pillow, feeling disturbed and more hurt than he had been by all the bitter words that had passed between them. That he knew Phoebe had left hating herself for giving into the ache was just one more nail in the coffin of their relationship.

He finally got up and showered and shaved and found clean clothes. He did have some in the closet but he glumly thought his laundry bills were getting beyond a joke and wandered around the apartment for a while, only staying long enough to see the dawn, and then felt the need strongly to be somewhere else. He found his wallet, he remembered shimmering off once without it and it damnably inconvenient. He hoped he never had to answer in court why his credit card bills stretched all around the world.

He found a beach in Ireland that was deserted and wandered along it, watching craggy cliffs and wild seas even though it a summer. The cold and the green hills, and the peace took a little while to get into his soul but between at least touching Phoebe and the seeing the sea and breathing the salty air, surprisingly his soul was doing fairly well after yesterday, better than he would have thought. His body was still feeling the effects. He had a number of bite and scratch marks on his back and chest and neck and not all were from the soul suckers. He was very reluctant to heal them.

The beach gave him time to find his thoughts. God was it less than 12 hours ago that he had sat on another beach and made up his mind to walk away from it all. The last 24 hours seemed to be a micro spectrum of his whole relationship with Phoebe and her family, from servant to saviour, to background shadow to stud to a source of all evil. Nothing had changed.

He looked at the waves crashing on the beach thinking how beaches never really changed and then as he watched he was distracted by a noise when a small part of the high cliff cracked and slide to the beach. And in ever such a small way the beach had changed. He stared at the pile of rock on the sand and watched as the water lapped around it taking some smaller pieces out to seas. And it occurred to Cole in ever such a small way, something had changed yesterday. He had set limits, and he had said no to Phoebe. Okay she did not listen but he did say no. And she said thank you and meant it.

It was evening Irish time when Cole left the beach, although mid morning in San Francisco. He was not that far from a small town, big enough for locals not to notice he had not driven in so he shimmered over and found a pub where he had a breakfast of two Guinness beers and watched the local show in the pub .As he watched, people playing music and heard the music, he felt lonelier than he could ever recall in his whole very long life. He watched the noise and the fellowship around him and eternity seemed a very long time.

One of the local girls came around selling hand made jewellery to the tourists. He bought a cross. A present for Phoebe. He had a drawer full of presents for Phoebe He collected them from all the beaches and far places he had run to in the last year to recover from every soul destroying, painful meeting with a Halliwell where he was told he was evil, or Phoebe hated him, or lately where he had gone to avoid running to her and begging her to love him again.

It was the middle of the afternoon in San Francisco when he arrived back at his apartment. The answering machine was flashing. Phoebe!! He knew that last night, early this morning was not going to be the last he heard from Phoebe. Knowing Phoebe this was going to be a drawn out drag it down, push as far as it could, ending. There was no way known she would let it go before she took the opportunity to make sure he knew exactly why he was to blame for last night and why it meant nothing and probably would want a repeat performance just to make doubly sure he knew.

While Cole knew Phoebe well enough to know the thank you was both genuine and unconditional, he had also so often been the satisfied recipient of what he privately called Phoebe's "in heat" mood, he had no doubts regarding what last night was about. Feeling it all one more time. Scratching the itch, exorcising old demons or ex demon husbands. And he knew he was going to call back, just so Phoebe would make the whole process as difficult a possible. He had great faith in Phoebe's ability to make things difficult.

It crossed his mind to shimmer away and not come back, then he remembered innocents who depended on him for unfinished court cases and almost convinced himself that was the reason he stayed. 

**……………………………………………………………………………………..**


	10. Chapter 10

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 2:Phoebe being Phoebe

Chapter 10

Phoebe went home, feeling far from having completed any exorcism. The problem she acknowledged was that fucking for fucking's sake and that is what she had done with Cole, left you unfulfilled. Then she grinned to herself well actually this hadn't left her unfulfilled, in fact she was down right sated as far as sex was concerned when they finished. But even feeling totally replete sexually made her uncomfortable because she had not felt like that since, well since the last time with Cole.

However the feeling of sexual satisfaction only lasted about as long as it took him to roll off her and put that whole wide bed between them physically, and an impenetrable wall between them mentally. She had not even been able to insult Cole into bringing it down and then all the insecurities and nagging doubts and guilt starting climbing in her. She desperately needed him to say it, hell he had been able to say it so easily when she had not wanted to hear those words, why couldn't he say I love you when she needed it so badly. And then she could have said it and explained enough time had passed. She could have told him he was dear to her, if he had just let the fucking barrier down enough to talk to her.

She snuck into the manor creeping up the stairs to make sure her sisters did not hear her. She had not done that since Grams was alive. She froze as her foot struck the same creaking fifth stair that it always did when she was eighteen. She made it back to her bedroom and glanced at the clock, it was just after 4.00 am, not much over 2 hours since she had left the house and so much had happened. She dragged her clothes off and lay on the bed feeling very restless. Then she got up, found the t shirt of Cole's that she had been wearing. and held it close to her. She started to feel terribly guilty for demanding he fuck her not only because of all the issues between them but because it as Cole and he did care maybe not like he had but he did care and what she had done, got him to do, left him hurting. Cole got nasty when he was hurting and he had been nasty at the end.

Then she thought damn it, why should I feel guilty. It was only fucking, and it was not as if she had never done that in her life before, only as she lifted the t shirt nearer her, it wasn't fucking it was Cole. And then she started to get angry. She threw the T shirt across the bed. How dare he do that, there she was itching for a good fuck and he screwed it up by making it personal, by pretending a it was something else. Damn him and his obsessive, possessive, neurotic, unrelenting love. She sighed then lent over and retrieved the T shirt, hugged it close and on a promise to herself that she would never fuck him again she fell asleep.

She awoke in a couple of hours and felt her body resist the movement, and then when she remembered why, she got up and inspected the damage. She did not even remember the bite marks getting there and when she turned around, there were Cole finger size bruises on her back and the inside of her thighs were tender and well, no doubts, last night wasn't a dream or a premonition. She licked around her mouth, lips were sore but at least her mouth did not taste like stale brandy, actually it tasted of Cole, and she smelt of Cole.

With a surprising amount of reluctance she had a quick shower, the addition of a small ensuite to her bedroom was one of the luxuries, her well paying job had brought, one in each of the other bedrooms. Piper and Leo got the main bathroom mostly to themselves. It had been a while since she had anyone to share the bath with. She got dressed, comfortable stretch pants a nice modest shirt that hid the bite marks even from Piper's quick eyes. She made her bed and found Cole's T-shirt under the sheets, Quickly before she could stop herself, she folded it and pushed it as far as she could to the back of the top drawer of her dresser where she kept her treasures. Then she went into the hall. Piper's door was open and she could hear the murmur of a TV down in the kitchen, which meant Piper was up.

Phoebe went over to Paige's room and opened the door, Paige was lying there with her eyes shut but she opened them when Phoebe came in.

"How are you doing?" Phoebe asked her sister.

"Mm" Paige said "I slept okay but I woke up about an hour ago. I know that white lighter healed me but I feel like my soul, feel like part of who I am has been battered so hard, it feels I don't know ..cold" she said weakly. Paige smiled "Does that makes sense."

"Yes" Phoebe said "big time sense" She leant over and hugged her sister, "You stay in bed and think, think of good things, nice things. I'll get you some breakfast.

"Feels better already" Paige smiled

Phoebe went downstairs. Piper had Melinda in the day cot and Phoebe could hear the washer going and could smell baking. Piper was being very efficient, that meant she was going to have a panic attack in about two days time, when she couldn't juggle all the balls.

"I was going to make Paige breakfast" Phoebe told Piper.

"Already on it "Piper said.

"Leo?" Phoebe asked.

"White lighter, this morning" said Piper with a briskness that in no way hid her worry from her sister "Said it would take a couple of days."

"So you're baking" Phoebe said dryly.

Piper smiled.

Phoebe took a tray from the cupboard and found Grams best breakfast set and even a flower, a red geranium from garden. She put the coffee in a pot the muffins, butter and Paige's favourite strawberry jam on the tray and took it upstairs Paige was lying in bed with her CD player going and happily accepted the breakfast.

"You want me to stay" Phoebe asked and Paige said no but asked for some magazines on the dresser and Phoebe left he sister feeling spoilt and happier.

Piper was by this time cleaning the kitchen. Phoebe helped herself to muffins and coffee and watched Piper work. Finally she said Piper "you are going to talk about this if you get worried aren't you?"

Piper nodded "I'm not upset, just a bit anxious" she stopped cleaning, "you know just filling waiting time, until I am sure Leo's okay . How about you?" she asked.

Phoebe said "Me nothing happen to me yesterday" a little to quickly.

Piper pursed her clips "Seeing Cole again" she said.

Phoebe answered "No that it all happens do fast I really did not get a chance to think about it being Cole" she said honestly.

Piper grimanced "Well I thought about him" she said "Do you know, I saw some one I used to be very fond of .. not doing so well. It worried me the way he just pulled back and went off like that, just like he did after the demon of fear and well you know what.. shit happened after that"

Piper narrowed her eyes, as Phoebe did not answer.

Piper said "I've been thinking that you need both of you to close it put an end for his sake as much as yours"

"Why are you suddenly so concerned about Cole?" Phoebe asked.

"Because he just saved my husband and I owe him" Piper said honestly , and then relented. "I did hold Cole in some affection before all the shit started" she said, then Piper shook her head "when he wasn't being an arsehole."

"I thought you said he never anything but an arsehole" Phoebe smiled then she leant over and took Piper's hand. "There's something I need to warn you about." She gulped a little "I think I .. there is a future for me Piper. There is some one for me. Has been for quite some time. I just needed to get past this year."

"And I going to be told who this man is" Piper said

"He's some one I used to know and I'll tell you when and if it works out" Phoebe said.

"And does Cole know about this mystery man" Pipe asked.

"No" Phoebe said." I tried to tell him last week but he did not give me a chance."

Piper shook her head at her sister "He's going to be hurt "she said.

"I think he's going to be relieved, to know its all finally at an end" Phoebe said primly and picked up the morning paper.

Piper looked at her in disbelief, wondering if Phoebe really understood how much Cole loved her. And she started to get that awkward feeling that even though Cole had given her back a future with Leo he was going to get torn apart himself as a result. Piper swallowed a really selfish thought that she could have a guilt free life if Cole and Phoebe ever found a way to get together, that and if she did not have to wean Melinda.

After breakfast Phoebe did Sunday things, cleaned her room, washed some clothes, played with Melinda, took her car for a wash but about 11.30 after promising she wouldn't she gave into temptation and dialled Cole's number. When he did not answer she had a panic and thought maybe he was refusing to take her calls again and she yelled down the phone to call her back and then slammed it down. The frightening feeling of rejections shuddered through, that he would say he did not want to contact her because it was bad for him, when he came into contact was one thing, that he would he would have her like he did last night and then reject her was. Sickening.

Paige got up and Phoebe took her and Piper and Melinda out to lunch at a special bakery shop and the three sisters had a couple of hours together just being sisters and a mother and aunts and Paige was much happier than she had been that morning. After lunch, as they walked back to the car Paige caught her sisters in a hug and said "Do you know how special it is to have sister, too have some one to are when you are hurt " and tears came to both Phoebe and Piper and Phoebe gulped a little guiltily, because she knew someone who was hurting and alone but her concern was missed by both hers sisters.

They went back home so Melinda could have her afternoon sleep and Paige decided to go running. Piper started some more cooking for the family meal they usually had on Sundays and Phoebe gave way to the need for sleep to make up for the night before and lay down. She was awoken around six by her cell phone ringing. It was Cole.

When Cole had got back and seen that message from Phoebe he had known a couple of things. No matter how much he resisted temptation, he was going to call back and that when he did he was going to be on the receiving end of some sharp words from a very annoyed and irritated Phoebe.

He called her, asked if she was okay but his voice was very distant and Phoebe felt the barriers were well and truly up. Phoebe badly needed him to tell her he loved her but for all the times he had said it as a reason in the first months after he returned from the wasteland, he seemed no longer to be able to say it as a promise and Phoebe badly needed that promise. As it did not come she almost enjoyed pushing him to the limit.

The call was fairly short, but she got her point across. She said that she had no regrets about last night but she just needed to exorcise a few old memories, that he would not see her again and that it would not happen again, which was why knowing Phoebe, Cole was not even remotely surprised when shortly after midnight, the elevator bell rang and the doors opened and Phoebe was there.

He was lying back in his favourite chair, bare topped and bare feet on the table watching TV, a late night political commentary. The more Cole lived human, the more he realised for all his years he had big gaps in his understanding of how they lived. His confidence as a demon when he thought that he could blend in with them, he now felt was had been a more than a little misplaced. The room had a very lived in look, papers books everywhere, unwashed glasses and mugs, cushions at odd angles Phoebe barged out of the elevator This time she had a large cotton shoulder bag.

She met Cole's eyes as he looked up at her sardonically, then she glanced around. She bet herself there was not one glass or mug left in the kitchen cupboard. "You live like a pig" she said.

He stood up " Is that what you came to tell me" he drawled.

"No" she snapped "I came to tell you, to make sure you really understand that last night was all that is going to happen, that we have no future" he winced a little "that I just needed to make sure. Get it?"

"Tell me you love me" she pleaded silently. But Cole did nothing more than keep looking at her quizzically. He offered her no reaction at all. She tried to read something in his face and he just looked at her cynically. She turned with a short sob and went to leave.

He stood up. He nodded then stuck his hands in his trousers pockets. "Yeah" he said slowly "I get it. Are we going to bed?"

"What" she demanded "Didn't you hear what I just said"

"Yeah" he said taking his hands out of his pockets because he had a pretty good idea of what was about to happen. "Are we going to be? Sex?" he asked in case she misunderstood him.

She hesitated a fraction, then muttered "Yes" and launched herself at him. He caught her, and with her hanging off his neck, they kissed hard and deep.

"Floor or bed" Cole asked in between kisses.

"Bed" Phoebe muttered indignantly.

"Just asked" he said and headed into the bedroom.

He lay her on the bed and leant down over her. She lay there very passively as he kissed her gently on the lips.

She happily savoured the feel and taste of him, but as he stood up to strip off she sat up to watch him hungrily and to his amusement glanced round and said accusingly. "Clean sheets you cleaned up in here"

"For you" he answered "I knew you were coming" he said lowering himself beside her.

"You don't know me that well" she whispered in his face because it was so close.

"Yes I do" he whispered smugly.

She tried to pull back enough to hit him, but he caught her hand easily. He caught the other one and forced them on either side of her head then bent over her. She lay there, still brown eyes wide open, indrawn breath. He stopped just above her mouth and then gently touched her lips, She had to lift he head to deepen the kiss and he let go her hands and rolled on his back, taking her with him, letting her be on top of him while he savoured every touch of her, the feel of her skin, the smell of he hair, her breath, the taste of her. They made love, played some remembered games, explored some new places, gentle passionate, loving.

But when it was over Cole rolled off her again and lay on his back staring at the ceiling. This time though he did not move to the edge of the bed, he stayed close beside her. Phoebe lay quietly beside him. She moved her leg so it was touching his.

"You say something?" Cole asked after a few minutes, in a very flat voice.

"No" she answered not looking at him.

'You going?" he asked in the same flat voice.

"Not yet" she said.

Silence was heavy between them. To many things to say; all to hard. They lay side by side staring at the ceiling.

Finally Phoebe had to ask "When was the last time you made love?" She could not look at him.

He did not hesitate "28 January" he said "last year. In the morning" He kept staring at the ceiling. He did not look at her.

"Oh" she said. She knew that date. It was the day they vanquished the old source.

"Participated in a few good fucks after that though" he added. Then asked "You?"

She hesitated and then answered. "Same day, in the morning."

"Oh" he said, "Seems we've got quite a bit in common."

"Had a few good fucks since then though" she said still staring at the ceiling. "Last night was one of the best"

"I'm glad" he said flat voiced still staring at the ceiling.

She moved her leg across his leg and started rubbing against it.

"What are you thinking?" she asked.

"I wish I smoked" he said "I really could do with a cigarette right now" and Phoebe started to laugh. He sat up to rest on one arm and he watched her laughing eyes, bright, happy. One wish had been granted to him, he saw her happy again. She met his scrutiny and she reached up and caught his hair pulling him over onto her.

After making love they didn't really sleep, but this time he did not roll away, stayed close beside her, stroking her and petting her.

Much to soon Phoebe said finally "I better go"

"Yeah" he said She sat up, he made no attempt to stop her. In the dawn light coming into the apartment, she could see his face. It was not happy.

She started top lean over him to switch the light on, familiar easy, but he stopped her and did himself. She got out of bed and found her clothes where they still ended on the floor, found her bag and caught Cole's amused eyes watching her as she pulled out the spare underwear she had brought.

"What?" she said and blushed. "All right I knew I was going to stay"

He did not get up and she leant forward and went to kiss him on the mouth. He pulled back so it was a light brush.

"Bye" she said. She waited held her breath for the words. They did not come.

"Goodbye" he said pointedly. 

**……………………………………………………………………………………..**


	11. Chapter 11

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 2:Phoebe being Phoebe

Chapter 11

Cole heard the elevator go. He got up and went and made coffee, drinking it alone, not angry just very unhappy. He showered and shaved and dressed pulling an impeccably cleaned suit and shirt from the closet. His untidiness had not quite extended to work clothes and went into the office. He was there in time to see the cleaners who over the last few months had become used to him at very irregular hours

He worked on reports, he planned a defence for a boy guilty of robbery but with extenuating circumstances that was due in court in a couple of weeks. One of the innocents he stayed to help. He planned out an affidavit session that he had to do on Wednesday and he then when the cleaners finished their work he quickly shimmered into the partners offices and checked their diaries and private files, which he read with a cynical smile.

He had the coffee on for Francesca when she arrived at work. Francesca glared at him because she did thought working erratic hours was not good sign with him, but he was on time for the Monday morning meeting about cases and took the dressing down and warnings about not messing up Rodriguez with a relatively composed demeanour.. He went back to his office and asked Francesca if Phoebe had rang, Francesca suspiciously said "I thought you did not want calls from her?"

"I….you better put her through" Cole answered.

"Why?" asked Francesca bluntly.

"Because I want to talk to her" Cole answered as bluntly, turning away so he did not have to see Francesca's response. He went back to his office and ran Darryl Morris about Rodriguez

Darryl met him at small café a quick walk away from police headquarters. He had had to be careful how he asked questions and he had no concrete evidence but a couple of contacts who did undercover work on the docks had reported that some very bad people were interested in Reynolds importing connections. When Cole pushed him, he also admitted that the search on the ship included an officer who had been investigated twice by internal affairs and a couple who were rumoured to have some connections to the same bad people who were interested in Reynolds connections, although the officer who found the drugs was beyond reproach. Darryl was not thrilled about Cole's interest in corrupt officials.

Daryl suspiciously said "you're not going on a vendetta against the police department or the feds? I know there are some rotten apples but to many innocent people get hurt when you start vendettas."

"Do you think I don't know that me of all.." Cole answered sharply.

"All what" Darryl asked almost as a dare.

Cole stiffened then straight faced answered "People, demons, and all powerful magical beings in the universe"

"That about covers it" Darryl agreed.

Cole offered to deal with Darryl "Give me what you can to help make Rodriguez case go away and I'll give you anything I have on the corruption and the police can deal with it. " but his voice was angry when he said it."

"You sound bitter" said Darryl "Sure you don't want to take care of it yourself?"

Cole grinned "A little bitter" he admitted. "Tired of finding evil and just plain bad wherever I look. Want it simpler."

"But you know last year after I came back from." Cole spied a waitress close, "Well you know where I came back from" he added as Darryl grinned,

Cole shook his head "I started seeking out evil and destroying it. Trying to prove I was good that way, nearly sent some good people I still hold in some affection, believe it or not, evil. So no I can't be a vigilante and be good. And I don't intend to fall ever..again. For my sake." he declared with an intensity that took Daryl by surprise.

Darryl grinned "Probably not a bad thing for the rest of the world's sake either."

Cole grinned. "That too"

Darryl asked suspiciously when they were all but through why Cole had not asked about the Halliwell's, which he invariably did when he saw Darryl.

Cole admitted he had seen the Halliwell family on the weekend.

"Phoebe too?" Darryl asked

Cole flushed

"You're an idiot " Darryl said bluntly.

Cole shrugged.

And Darryl pushed "How are you helping her, you. You get near her and you fall apart for months. Loving her is nothing, to do with it. Just for once look after yourself will you?"

"What I mean Cole" Darryl said "that much as I love her, you know her, I know her – things will get emotional. You'll both get hurt, she'll fall back on her family to pick her up and you'll be alone tearing your guts out. That 's the way its going to be so get out of it before it gets any worse and you get more hurt." Darryl shook his head 'Its not like you are doing her any favours is it."

Cole did not respond and Darryl pressed the point "Is it?"

Cole raised his eyed and winced "No" he said "I'm not."

As Cole done had over the last six months with so many aspects of his life, he had spent some time understanding the nature of his friendship with Darryl. In fact, sometimes Cole felt he had spent the last year learning the whole nature of human experience and emotion. The friendship with Darryl was genuine and something Cole treasured. Not the least because Darryl had forgiven him a great deal and not just in regard to Phoebe's family.

As a demon and even as a human Cole had never really understood the nature of friendship or even the concept of it. In the demon world, you created allies, allegiances, you made contracts and treaties and they were all based on convenience and the ability of the other party to satisfy a need and they were broken without a backward glance when a better offer came or the purpose was no longer satisfied.

Cole had been friendly with Darryl because he was a friend of the Halliwell's, because he had useful contacts, and because he knew what Cole was and seemed to accept it, Darryl was convenient and Cole was at ease with him, he liked Darryl, had gone to some trouble to maintain the relationship, but he never questioned the nature of that relationship or why he bothered. To many other things to worry about.

Then not long after he had taken the power of touching auras from the spites, he had used the power to connect with Daryl simply because demon that he had been, he was highly suspicious why Darryl would be as friendly as he was without having an ulterior purpose. Cole had connected with and indeed joined to Darryl through his emotional response, through his feelings of friendship.

He discovered what Darryl felt was a very strong affection and concern for Cole, even admired him and respected him and did not quite trust him. Cole had been shocked that so mild a word as friendship covered such a level of emotion. He immediately tried to break the connection and to his horror discovered he could not. But even worse Darryl was able to get a little bit into his feelings. The bad ones.

He discovered it when just after he touched Darryl's aura, Darryl asked Cole about getting over any hurt and bitterness he felt to the Halliwell family. Cole had lied and said he had none and to his shock Darryl knew he was lying.

Fortunately, in a way at least, Darryl when he felt the lie was instantly concerned for the Halliwell's well being and frightened at the level of hurt, bitterness and anger that Cole was giving off and for a second all his own doubt fears and anger, and even hatred of Cole returned. Cole felt the negative emotion and almost immediately Darryl was able to break the connection, to Cole's relief.

"What the hell did you do?" Darryl had demanded angrily and fearfully at what he felt from Cole.

And Cole who had suddenly learnt the real nature of friendship, and realised what he would lose if he lost Darryl's, did the only thing he could do to retrieve it. He told Darryl the truth. Darryl, to say the least was furious and he walked away expressing his disgust, but he had called a few days later and had acted as if nothing had interfered with their friendship.

Cole somewhat bewildered had finally asked him what was going on and Darryl had really enjoyed himself, "You really know shit about humans don't you?" he had asked then he grinned.

Cole could do nothing but agree.

Darryl then asked 'You really can tell the bad guys just by touching their..aura?"

Cole nodded awkwardly "That could be very useful" Darryl said.

Cole had learnt a number of things from that experience. He learnt joining with bad people, or people who had no emotional connection to him, caused him no problems, they neither knew he was doing it, or had any response to his own feelings, in fact was a very useful power. He also learnt the real nature of friendship, and he learnt how very dangerous it was to touch auras with some one who had an emotional connection to him.

Because even though he could feel the emotional reaction, they could connect to any evil emotions coming from him, not the least of which was they could tell when he was lying. And he could not break the connection, only they could by losing their emotional response to him.

He went back to the office after he promised he would phone Phoebe end it and began dialling three times and couldn't do it so he went to the gaol to talk to Rodriguez. The boy was hanging in there but not well. He was a nice kid far more concerned about the effect on his family and shipmates than with consequence to himself. Cole presented to him all the choices including the dangers of fighting the charges and the advantage of pleading guilty to lesser charges and cooperating with authorities.

He was surprised that Rodriguez for all the fact he was a scared rather nice kid, flatly refused to. Cole sighed "We fight or we try and find a way to make it go away."

"Can that be done?" Rodriguez said

Cole answered "I'm doing my best" then he asked "Is there anything I need to know that I don't want the police finding out."

Rodriguez nodded and Cole' managed a professional detachment on his face 'What?" he asked.

"I got busted for smoking marijuana when I was 17 " Rodriquez said nervously.

"Just the once?" Cole asked inwardly groaning. Every innocent was always guilty of something.

"And" Rodriguez continued confidentially while the groan inside Cole's head became a roar. "There were some things on that ship. I got a share. I mean.."

"What was on the ship? Cole asked in a matter of fact tone.

Rodriguez moved closer to whisper "Not drugs. Just things, Computers, you know some booze, no excise paid on it, and car parts."

Cole managed to maintain his professional detachment. "I wonder why that does not surprise me" he said. "Have you told any one else this?" he asked.

Rodriguez shook his head.

"I'm the first and last person you tell this to" Cole said firmly "You understand, not cell mates, the police, your family , not Reynolds. Just shut up"

Rodriquez nodded.

Cole left Rodriguez saying he thought he could do something about the marijuana conviction, without saying it may be magic.

On the way back he called in at the DA's offices where he used to work. Cole's relationship with his old workplace was strained. Cole had with Darryl's somewhat reluctant help got of any legal complications about the death of his land lady and the detective who had investigated it by providing real DNA evidence at the death of the detective and manufactured evidence of a family emergency in Canada for the death of the landlady. Cole had claimed his year "in hiding" had been because he believed he would wrongly be arrested if he turned up. Everyone had agreed that the best solution was to let him quietly resign. He had however, maintained the contacts with previous colleagues after he started work at Jackman, Carter and Kline and had used those contacts to make several cases against innocents go away.

He made an unscheduled call on one of his previous colleagues, a sharp tempered young man who was a little to keen on winning cases rather than achieving justice. Cole asked him in tones of mock humility, if the ADA could just check the records and make sure his client Rodriguez had no prior convictions. The ADA smirked and asked "Are you sure you want to check? If I find anything it goes into evidence."

"I'm sure you won't" Cole answered humbly. "My client swears there is nothing. I just want to be in a position to stipulate."

With a flourish that made Cole fairly certain the he already knew there was something in the records, the ADA searched the computer and as the name came up, Cole flicked a finger and removed all records from state and national data bases. The ADA started banging keys to Cole's amusement.

The ADA finally conceded there was no records and Cole thanked him humbly telling the ADA quite truthfully he had no idea how much he had helped the case.

The ADA all but snapped an acknowledgement. Cole laughed to himself as he left. It was not often that he got any pleasure from being the most powerful being in the realm, but just occasionally he really enjoyed it.

.**.........................................................**


	12. Chapter 12

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 2:Phoebe being Phoebe

Chapter 12

Phoebe had driven home and crept up the manor steps and only got back to bed a few minutes before she heard Piper restlessly moving around the hall. She was very, very sleepy and in fell asleep immediately. She woke up nearly four hours later, smiling to herself. She actually bounced out of bed. And for the first time Cole's ghost seemed exorcised from that room. It felt like a place where she could live again, not a place where she hurt.

Not even the fact that she was going to be very late for work worried her. They knew her, they were used to it.

She dressed in revealing clothes for work, a top that showed her bra and a very tight skirt which very clearly stated she was a sexual person again. She left her hair loose and put two clips shaped like butterflies in it, and no makeup. Sexual maybe but not a tart.

She came down stairs and Paige who was reading the paper challenged her immediately "Where were you last night?"

Phoebe said cautiously "What do you mean?"

Paige grinned "I heard you coming in sis, who is he?"

Many thoughts flashed through Phoebe's brain, particularly the one that her sister's did not need to worry about her being with Cole just yet "Some one I used to know" she answered after a hesitation.

"And he's really great isn't he, performance wise anyway" Paige grinned,

"How did you know?" Phoebe demanded.

Paige laughed "Well right know you look like a girl who has had great sex recently. You finally found some one who made you glow again. And that has not happened since Cole" which Phoebe acknowledged by putting her ahead on her side.

"And" continued Paige "When you blow Cole off and then that gorgeous guy at P3. I knew you were falling for some one" Paige smiled "I know you."

Phoebe gulped. "Blow Cole off?"

Paige smiled "You saw him the other day and you aren't even upset. You've not said anything about finally being over Cole, or even mentioned him., You are over him aren't you?" But Paige said the last question with more than a hint of suspicion in her voice.

Phoebe swallowed "I guess I'm finally over the bad stuff. Cole is always part of me. I loved him and he did save me, I don't even remember how many times I owe him for that"

Paige said "You don't owe Cole anything. "

Phoebe swallowed again. "Maybe not but I don't want to hurt him either. Maybe I care enough about .. about what we had, not to want that for him."

"Phoebe you get another boyfriend" Paige said incredulously "Cole's going to get hurt." Paige eyed her sister "Where and when did you meet this new one? " Paige demanded a little sceptically.

Thoughts rushed through Phoebe's head "I just knew him on and off, and he used to be interested, but he thought I wouldn't be so he didn't ask. "

"I know you Phoebe" Paige said. "There's more to this than you're telling" Paige continued. "And I take it he asked" 

"Not in so many words" Phoebe answered honestly "But he will.. I hope"

"And when do we meet him?" Paige asked

.

Phoebe grabbed her purse and started to run for the door. She stopped. "You and Piper have seen me through so much. This one I need to make work on my own. You'll meet him when I'm sure. If it doesn't work, then you don't need to know anything." Phoebe ran off just as Piper came in to hear the end of the conversation.

Piper looked at Paige "Why do I always hate it when I don't know who she is mixed up with?" she sighed "Why do I always hate it when I do."

Paige had an odd expression, almost frightened as watched he sister leave with. "Do you finally think there is some one who can make Phoebe as happy as she was with Cole, before everything, before he went to hell? Because I never thought there would be."

Phoebe bounced happily through life all day. She smiled at every one, wrote bright optimistic advice and was aching for the night. She seriously considered ringing Cole to tell him to expect but she thought the bastard probably did and she was not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was right.

A month ago Cole was a black hole in her life, a reminder of passion and pain, a shadow who followed her, haunted her, now suddenly he was haunting her every waking moment but for a different reason. She had found passion again, feeling, happiness a belief there that there was a future.

A year had happened. She passed all the bitter anniversaries and survived and came through stronger than even when her soul had healed or was at least intact, battered and scarred but intact. She had looked up and found herself again , and better she had looked up and found Cole there, not the source, not a symbol of torture or evil, just the person she loved, trying to be good, torn, fighting the fight, wanting, brave, loving, wry, sardonic, humourous, passionate, amused, angry; the man she had thought was lost.

Like her he was battered and scarred but he too had survived that year. They could never go back she knew but perhaps there was a chance and it occurred to her that it was a good chance that they could go forward.

Phoebe went home and collected a night bag, happily kissed Melinda and waved her sisters goodbye and with a grin told them she was off for a night of sex and depravity.

Paige and Piper exchanged glances.

Phoebe bounced into Cole's apartment, a little after 10. She greeted him with a big smile and he backed off. He had been sitting at the table working but he stood up when he heard the elevator bell ring. He was still dressed in his work pants and shirt, but tieless and had a casual sweater over the shirt. As she came toward him he put his hand up and stopped her "I want you to go Phoebe" he said.

" What do you mean?" she asked stunned.

"I mean I want you to go" he said. "You may need this, a last fling to end it but I don't. Phoebe you have to understand. I love you but it took me to long to learn to live without you and this game hurts to much and I can't or at least I won't go on playing"

She was stunned "We're not hurting any one" she said archly – going to him.

He backed away " We're hurting me" he said "and I'm not going there anymore Are you going?" he asked conversationally.

"No" she said archly "Then I am" he answered and shimmered out; the last view of her was her startled and hurt expression.

She was shocked. "You stinking bastard" she yelled at the place he had shimmered from "You stinking gutless bastard. Now you say it, you can say I love you and run but you can't say it when I need it"

She dropped her bag and glared at the space where he had stood then burst into tear. Now you can say it you gutless bastard." She repeated". and sank onto the sofa. She cried for nearly half an hour and then gulping managed to stop. And started to wonder what she would tell her sisters about coming home early. The truth? No they had seen her through to many ups and downs about Cole to even dare. One of the reasons she did not want to tell them she was seeing him again was because she knew the road would be rocky and they did not need to be made to travel it again.

So she stayed in than apartment hoping he would come back. She wandered into the kitchen. It needed cleaning badly. About the only thing he had in there was coffee and fruit juice. No sign of glasses being used, she bet herself he swigged the juice out of the bottle. The pig. He really needed some one to look after him, keep him on the straight and narrow. She decided male creatures, demons humans, and what was he now anyway, all powerful being in the realm or maybe the universe was to big a mouthful, men covered it, were totally incapable of taking care of themselves.

"Oh the cleaners must love coming in after you Cole" she thought. There were some booze but not empty after empty. The living room had about 200 books on a shelf, not neatly but jammed against each other and there were about 50 CD's and lots of papers everywhere, newspapers, magazines, work papers, a mess. The bedroom he had cleaned up the night before but the laundry basket had the sheets from the day before and there was a whole hamper full of laundry shirts, tees, and underwear and socks. Keeping the laundry economy going and still he managed to have clothes on the floor even since last night; the closet had 6 suits in it. Nothing new she recognised them all, and the sheep skin jacket he liked and about 8 freshly laundered shirts and ties to match the suits. How he could dress so well and be so damned untidy was beyond Phoebe. She found a book beside the bed, Jane Eyre, one she loved, she sighed. She checked the bookcase again. Half of the books were her favourites.

"Oh Cole "she sighed.

The bathroom was messy, wet towels and half used toiletries left everywhere "Oh Cole "she repeated because there was nothing else she could say

She lay down on his bed just to think and fell asleep because the bed smelled of him and the room reeked of him and it comforted her. She woke up about 3 hours later and felt strangely familiar and then remembered why this bed and room was familiar. She had nasty feeling back to when Cole was the Source and jumped off the bed knowing she had to get out. She found her bag and left, getting home to the manor and sneaking to bed, where she fell asleep after a few minutes.

Cole came back from a night trip to a beach in Hawaii and was almost disappointed Phoebe was not there. He too slept, believed that he had made a decision and the last thing he thought before falling asleep was that the time had come to move to New York.

  
**.........................................................**


	13. Chapter 13

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 2:Phoebe being Phoebe

Chapter 13

Phoebe woke early to the sound of Piper yelling about a magic emergency and the need to call the baby sitter. Piper had heard on the TV of a problem at a children's park nearby The report said last evening in a nearby park, in sight of their parents 2 children had been approached by a strange man with an odd shaped head and in front of witnesses seemed to disappear, and there had been another sighting at a nearby park, the previous night of a similar man shortly before 3 other children disappeared. The report warned not to leave children unsupervised in the area.

Paige was also up and the girl's waited only long enough to look at the report, then as the park was only about 10 minutes away drove there, rather than risk being noticed orbing in daylight hours. The area where the children had been last seen was cordoned off. Piper would have liked to freeze it but it was a wide open space and she could not isolate the scene, so she distracted the policeman guarding it by throwing a pretend hysterical tantrum while Paige orbed Phoebe.

"No one acts out hysteria better than Piper" Paige observed as she saw the policeman's bewilderment and confusion.

"The place reeked of demonic activity and Phoebe had a flashing premonition of the demon, another one of the almost human kind. A little like a grimloch but the head was misshapen and red. It had a very unusual stripped crescent shaped marking on its face and it's eyed were a curious orange slit and looked evil incarnate on the red odd face. In her premonition, she saw the demons catch the children and shimmer away.

She nodded to Paige and the two quickly orbed out. Phoebe went back to where Piper in a high shrill voice was telling two very uncomfortable policemen, that San Francisco was a hotbed of evil, not safe for decent people. Phoebe barely containing her smile told the policeman not untruthfully that her sister was always inclined to exaggerate every situation and led her away from the policeman.

Piper hissing in Phoebe's ear "I do not exaggerate EVERY situation"

They drove back to the house and got out the Book of shadows. They found the demon after a fair amount of work and it as not good. The demon as one of the grimloch type who preyed on innocent child creatures, it was called a Moloch and it traded children to use the power of their innocence to protect demon communities from enemies. Molochs stole children, sold their innocence to other demons and then completed the deal by sacrificing them for the other demons.

The girls all looked at each other. That meant the children were still alive if they had not been sold. There was a vanquishing spell and the book said the demons usually did their dealing in local cemeteries. The girls scryed for the demons and the children but nothing. Paige orbed them to local cemeteries and they scryed again but nothing. If the children were still alive, there was only one place they could be. Phoebe put her hand on the demon image in the Book of Shadows, and she had another vision this time of one killing a child with an athame, in the underworld. She fell out of the premonition, gasping in revulsion. Breaking all laws of good and evil, all laws of demon rule, the Molochs had openly taken the stolen innocents to the underworld.

""We need to get to them fast. Down below fast. Piper said.

Paige shook her head. "You know what Cole said Tempus had done to protect the underworld from orbing."

"That's probably why the Molochs took the children there" Piper snapped.

"I can try" Paige said determined.

"And do what "Phoebe said, "get yourself injured without Leo around to heal you"

Piper looked at Phoebe and Phoebe had no doubts "He won't be happy, twice in one week after all, this time" she said.

"Who cares if Cole's happy" said Paige.

"Call him" Piper said.

Phoebe glanced at the clock it was nearly 9 and Cole would probably be at work. She called nervously and reached the harpy as she privately called Francesca. She was surprised Francesca said she would put her through without the expected an argument. Cole answered almost immediately

Cole had actually been sitting in his office and working with Francesca and let her take the call. He took the phone out of Francesca's hand when he realised it was Phoebe "Phoebe " he started to say" I meant all I said last night " as he said last night he caught the look on Francesca's face.

"Haven't got time to talk about it" Phoebe interrupted "What do you know about Molochs?" she asked quickly. Cole did not even bother to go on with the argument

"Shit" he said and caught Francesca expression "I mean damn"

"Have you seen Bay news this morning" Phoebe asked. When Cole answered no Phoebe explained "They took children at dusk last night. The Book of Shadows said they trade to the highest bidder keep children alive until they sell them. There's a hope they, could be alive. "

Cole took a deep breath "Its not really something I should help you with" he started to say.

But Phoebe interrupted "I know we shouldn't ask you but they're in the underworld, we think"

Cole vaguely registered she had accepted he may say no "I'll come straight away"

"You don't have a problem – doing this" Phoebe asked

"Not with that". Cole was still amazed she seemed to accept he had limits "No I don't. I'm on my way"

Phoebe sighed to herself Cole had his good points and one was that he knew when not to argue.

"I have to go" he said unnecessarily to Francesca. "I'll be back" and he was off out the door. Francesco noticed but did not comment on the fact that he did not take his car keys.

Cole shimmered to the manor and into the attic, where Paige was reading the Book of Shadows and Piper and Phoebe were anxiously hovering over her.

Phoebe was almost instantaneously aware he was there, and avoiding his eyes said "Thanks for coming"

"You know I would if I could" he said softly.

"You sure Molochs have turned up" he said to Piper finding it easier to talk to her.

"Yes" Piper answered "They took 2 children last night. Maybe a few more the night before. Can you get to them and get the children before they trade?"

Paige explained Phoebe's premonition, while Phoebe stood silent, a little behind Cole, her eyes fixed on the back of his head.

Cole nodded "Give me a few minutes. If they are in the underworld, they should be easy to find"

He shimmered to the underworld. Molochs appeared when demonic wars and fighting were happening, to trade child powers for both sides. Parasites of war. Molochs set up quarters and offered their trade, their special skill of extracting the child's innocence as they killed it. Only they had never openly done it in the underworld before. Usually that was done in neutral realms, like earth. Tempus must have very little control, or be crazy or hell bent on chaos, if innocents were openly being taken below by lower level demon cults.

Molochs were fairly safe from attack because their wares were to valuable so they did not hide. It took Cole just a few minutes to discover their lair in a demon burial ground and he found the children. There were two younger Molochs guarding six children who were huddled in a cage. He dispatched one pretty quickly and got the second to tell him there were 4 more Molochs hunting in the earth realm. Cole dispatched him so he could not rush for help. He smiled to himself. Another test. There was no shudder of the balance between good and evil as he fireballed the Moloch.

The problem was Cole could only get two children out at a time. They were all very young under ten and they were frightened beyond reason. After they saw him blast the Molochs, they cringed away as if he was going to kill them, shrieking in fright. He knew he could not trust the children to remain touching during a shimmer. He caught hold of the two youngest who screamed in terror and wriggled like slippery eels. It was all he could do to hold onto them long enough to get them to the attic. He came out of the shimmer with both children screaming and pulling hysterically to get free. Piper to his relief froze them almost immediately.

He quickly explained the situation and then said "I need you two " "to Paige and Phoebe. The girls exchanged glances. Paige noting that he did not even attempt to get Piper to go.

With me now" he added quickly. He caught both their hands and shimmered down to the children who were only marginally less frightened of Paige and Phoebe. They each grabbed two children and held tight while Cole shimmered up. To Paige's disgust he caught her by the hair and Phoebe by the upper arm. Paige shrieked, the children wriggled and for all Cole's power shimmering reluctant and frightened children without hurting them left him gasping for breath. The seven of then, the four children, two witches and Cole landed in an undignified heap on the attic floor. Piper summed up the situation and froze the children but she could not freeze Cole.

The witches and Cole managed to extract themselves from the heap, with even less dignity than they had landed, to Piper's barely hidden amusement, especially as Paige's reaction was to aim a well directed kick at Cole's shin.

He yelled "Ouch what was that for"

"The hair. It hurt." She snapped

Cole turned to Phoebe to appeal fro help but she smiled and turned her back to him. Piper caught Cole's disgusted, frustrated and confused expression and met her sister's eyes, with an amused laugh.

Phoebe pretended to ignore what was happening asked "Got the spell written "Paige said she would work on it and Cole was left staring at Phoebe and Piper. And the frozen children.

"Did you get all the demons?" Piper asked.

"4 more about. I'll go get something you can scry with" Cole answered and shimmered to the underworld again, coming back with a piece of burned paper that smelled like brimstone. Piper wrinkled her nose but they were able to use the paper to scry and Paige quickly came back with the idea for a spell that would totally block the experience for the children.

Piper renewed the freeze on the children while they scryed for the demons. Of the four 2 were together and there was two others in a separate locations.

There was a quick discussion. Cole bluntly said he could not fight for the girls and surprisingly they accepted it without argument . Time was to precious. Piper asked if he could shimmer Phoebe about and he grimly said he could do that.

They decided that Phoebe should go with Cole and Paige orb Piper and separately go after the two Molochs who were working alone. Paige and Piper caught one demon in act of trying to take a child from the front of a suburban house. Paige distracted it by orbing in between it and the child and Piper blew it up.

Cole shimmered Phoebe into an alleyway where a group of children were playing unsupervised. The Moloch appeared about two seconds later and Phoebe attacked it, kicking it to the ground and saying the vanquishing spell before it recovered. The demon disappeared in a satisfactory explosion of green goo and ash. Phoebe was in no real danger, but even so Cole would have loved to interfere. Once he raised his hand half thinking about using a fireball and was immediately caught with the peculiar nauseating dizzy feeling that he recognised was the balance between good and evil being disturbed. He slowly lowered his hand. The children were openly staring at slim covered Phoebe standing over a pile of ash that had once been a demon and Cole barely keeping the smile off his face at the sight of her, silently held out his hand to shimmer her away. Phoebe enjoyed every second of the shimmer.

They met again at the manor. Piper added another freeze to the children as Paige scryed again and they located the last two Molochs near a school. Cole waited with the children and Paige orbed Piper and Phoebe and in few second they were able to make short work of the demons. When Paige orbed them back, Phoebe was covered in even more goo and Paige also had it dripping out of her hair and down her face. She gagged as some of it touched her mouth.

Cole openly laughed as she spat it out " Its not funny " Paige snarled at Cole.

"If you say so" he answered but he couldn't wipe the smile off his face.

Piper interrupted the snarking between Cole and Paige to demand they work out a way of getting the children back without anyone realising the Charmed Ones were involved, given the missing children were front news headlines.

Cole finally rang Darryl from his phone He called Darryl and said "you know who this is" and asked if Darryl could get a patrol to a downtown toy store in 15 minutes.

Piper kept the children frozen until Darryl called to say the patrol was in the area. Cole magically wiped the traces of the calls.

"Handy power" Paige commented dryly.

Cole grinned.

Piper unfroze the children, the girls quickly said the memory block spell and while the children were disorientated they managed to orb and shimmer the children to the store where Darryl had sent the patrol. Phoebe held onto two children while Cole held onto her and another child. Paige held onto one child and orbed Piper who held onto to another. The came out of the orb and shimmer in the store. Piper quickly froze the scene

Paige was breathing hard at the struggle she had to hold onto the children. She looked across at Cole who had struggled himself. "That was a bitch" she said to him in a natural friendly tone.

.

He nodded laughing. "Tell me about it."

Paige smiled at him a little awkwardly while Piper ignored Cole. Phoebe became aware of a peculiar sense of relief and jealousy that Paige and Cole seemed to be slipping back into the snarking relationship they had before every thing went to hell. She looked back at Cole who was watching her with an expression that said he thought he was seeing her for the last time.

"That's what you think you gutless bastard" Phoebe thought. As Cole went to shimmer away before Piper unfroze the scene, Phoebe stopped him "Thank you" she said.

He nodded but did not answer.

  
**.........................................................**


	14. Chapter 14

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 2:Phoebe being Phoebe

Chapter 14

  
Cole went back to work, accepted the dressing down he got for missing an appointment with a client and settled down to work. Francesca gave him a fishy stare which he pretended to ignore. He tried not to think about Phoebe, her family or any connections. He had a meeting with a client and focused totally on them. He dealt with a number of phone calls. There was one about the probate case he had coming up next week and another a meeting to cut a deal on a property purchase for a client. He said he would see them in the morning. 

He arranged a meeting with two lawyers who were involved with depositions with on shipping cases. He answered a client's query about a divorce problem.

"That's something you know everything about" Francesca told him as she passed the call to him.

Someone from the law society rang about a late subscription. Each call, he answered anxiously expecting it to be Phoebe and he felt a soul wrench on each time it was not her. He had finally decided maybe he did not know her as well as he thought and she would not call so he was not prepared for her when she did.

"Hi' she said quietly

"Hi" he answered warily

"Thanks for today" she said.

"Glad to help" he answered. Then he took a deep breath "You understand. These two were special cases. I need to be very careful, what I can do. "

He could almost see the smile "I know that Cole" Phoebe said "We only call you for the special stuff. "

"I'm not trying to make it hard. Its just that…" he tried to explain.

"I understand" Phoebe interrupted halfway between amusement and annoyance.

She took a deep breath "You want to meet me after work and talk about it, and things"

"No" Cole said far to fast.

"How about we.." Phoebe stopped "No why Cole?"

"Because Phoebe, because its not "He sighed and then decide to make a clean cut "because I don't want to Phoebe "

"You want me" she said in a voice he could not work out whether it was hurt, anger or satisfaction

"I may want you" he said exasperated "but even so I don't want to see you."

She got angry "Well don't get your hopes up Cole Turner" and slammed the phone down.

Phoebe looked at it "You are so not getting what you want buddy" she said to the phone .

Cole looked at the phone in his hand, and pulled a face. "Phoebe "he sighed.

He had simply run out of words and anger and the ability to fight her.

He looked up and saw Francesca in front of him. "Why in the hell did that woman have to always hanging around as he was hitting rock bottom?"

"She has you on a string" Francesca told him severely.

If Cole was not so scared of Francesca he would have told her it was it was none of her business but he was scared of her so he didn't.

"Why don't you just say no to her?" Francesca asked.

"Because she doesn't understand the meaning of no" he explained pushed to his limit. Then he relented "I know Phoebe, and Phoebe wants what Phoebe wants."

"What does Phoebe want?" Francesca asked.

"How the hell do I know?" Cole groaned.

"Poor Cole. She's got you like a puppet on a string and pulling it everyway she likes" Francesca said. She made it sound like Cole was to blame.

He took a deep breath "This is as good a time as any to tell you, I'm leaving San Francisco, the firm. I'm finishing up a few pro bono cases and going" Cole told her firmly "so you might want to start looking for another job" he said almost nastily.

Francesca eyed him with her best head mistress glare "My dear Cole" she said "I'm not out of a job. You're not going anywhere. That girl is having to much fun playing with her toy puppet to ever let you run."

Cole stared at her dumfounded.

"And" continued Francesca not without satisfaction, "if you really are the love of that girl's life, you can look forward to her jerking those strings for the rest of yours however long it is."

She watched his eyes, and the expression in them, satisfied with what she saw then turned on her heel and left him alone.

As Francesca returned to her desk she smiled to herself. In the last six months, she had seen many emotions flash in Cole's blue eyes because he was not good at hiding what he felt. She had seen self hate, courage, despair, determination, relief, humour, honesty, anger, irritation, concern.

But this time for an instant she had seen something that she had never seen before.

It was hope.

**…………………………………………………. **

**. **

Phoebe lay in bed that night alone, and she made a decision that Cole could agree to willingly or he could fight but he was going to accept. This was going to be the last night Phoebe Halliwell went to bed feeling she was alone. Because from tomorrow she was going to be one part of a couple and if Mr Cole Turner was unhappy about that, he could shut up and suffer. Then she giggled, the likelihood of him suffering in silence was.. remote.

As Phoebe had not been able to get thoughts of Cole out of her head over the last few weeks a, she finally made some decisions. What she and Cole had had was beautiful but the day he absorbed the Hollow, it was gone and they could not go back to that place. But then there were so many places they could not go back to, such as the day she took his powers away, or the day she vanquished the wizard, if only she hadn't. All the if's , if only they hadn't and what they would not have suffered. But ifs just meant another time lines. In this one all that was left was Phoebe and Cole, still tied together, still unable to pull away, still unable to break apart.

And all she could conclude was if they were not going to break apart; if their fates were tied together, why not their lives? What if all those ifs were just another bend in the long rocky road of their journey? Together? She found no premonition of their future, she could only judge by the things she knew.

What she knew was that she was alone and so was he. And if he wasn't evil no matter what happened before did not mean they could not go forward. Together.

For Phoebe the images that haunted her most was how many times she had told Cole " I will always love you," and the glimpses of her younger and older selves, the ones who came to visit the ones who helped her make the decision to marry. And as she had wondered so often she again asked what good the decision she had made then had done. Because unless she and Cole ended up together, all the bad things they survived were for nothing.

She had irrevocably fallen in love with Cole on sight and hindsight told her that one of the reasons was because she had hidden memories of an almighty crush on him when she was 10. He had already saved her and even if Grams had wiped the memory, her soul memory knew him. That was the circle, she loved him because he saved her as a child, he saved her as a child because he loved her as an adult. Just fated.

"Accept the fate" she told herself.

Phoebe also knew what she knew about the bitter older version of herself, the one who would die for Cole when she was 80 and she could only conclude that lonely bitter Phoebe never did stop loving Cole. That Phoebe lived a life of regret because it was a life without Cole. The Phoebe of now was already regretting being apart from him and it appeared she would always regret it.

And the truth dawned on her that he was all she would ever want. All the times she had of compared other men to him and found something missing, all her feelings of insecurity with them, the overpowering need to put walls between them, the reason she had never been able to keep a relationship going was because her 10 year old self fell in love and for 15 years never found anyone remotely as right for her as her prince who had saved her and if she let him go, for 50 years her lonely self would never find anyone to match him either.

Cole was dangerous, he had a very dark heritage that would haunt them both, but he tried, lord how he tried and it should not have counted but it did, he succeeded. Maybe it did count because he succeeded by what he was, because of his courage, his determination, his honesty in facing what he had been.

She had had an almighty crush on him since she was ten, she loved him on sight, he satisfied a dark part of her soul and because of him she found the best of herself, the Phoebe who was worthy of being called good. If she had no other reason to make him come back to her it was because for all his demonic heritage, she was a better person with him than without him. If it wasn't Cole it was not going to be any one. It was not a matter of healing or waiting or looking because no-one was coming. Without him the void in her life, in her soul and her heart would never be filled.

She wondered if Cole's future without her would be a bitter as hers without him and that frightened her because she thought he did not deserve it. He tried so hard and he deserved something he wanted for it. And what he wanted was her.

Poor Cole He was running now. In fact he had given up on her. Did that matter? Not one little bit, running away was not going to separate them. Did she love him? Yes, loving Cole was as much as part of her as breathing. Did she care about him? In the hurt and pain and horror of those six months when evil had nearly won she had closed off from his needs so badly? Could she make it up to him? No? Could she make it better for him? Yes.

Was he better off with her than without? He seemed to think without but he never knew what was good for him anyway. He wanted her and loved her. Was he running now because he just could no longer face being without her? Poor Cole. Stupid Cole. He thought he was so smart and he was giving up just as he was about to get what he wanted. She giggled happily to herself then she sobered. Perhaps it was the fear that she was about to lose him that spurred her on to take the risks to keep him.

All the consequences of being together, her family's reaction, ouch; the elders reaction, stuff them; Leo, he could learn to live with it; magic; magic would take care of itself; her father, Victor had made to many mistakes himself to get away with criticising anyone else; the ghost of Grams, ouch. But what had Grams said Magic doesn't keep a girl warm on a cold winter's night. Grams had married six times and never found true love or a soul mate. Phoebe had married once and that was it as far as she was concerned.

She hugged a pillow to herself "Well Mr Cole Turner" she said out loud "you say all the time how you want what's best for me. Well for better or worse you're what's best for me Accept it nice or accept it nasty."

"Poor Cole" she thought laughing "I really have screwed you around. You're going to be pissed as hell at having to do what I want"

Well considering his career as a demon if that was the worst penance he had to do he was getting out okay. She sobered a little and prayed it would be the worst penance he had to do,.

**……………………………………………………….. **

For Cole the night was the loneliest of all the lonely nights he had spent in the last year, mostly because he knew that it was getting close to the end of his twilight existence of living in unrequited love with Phoebe. For a second, that day as Francesca had bitched he had felt hope. And feeling hope just left him feeling bitter when hope faded while he lay awake and listened for the elevator bell which did not ring.

He went to work early the next day, even more determined to end his stay in San Francisco with the Rodriguez case and the couple of pro bono cases outstanding and leave, go away look for something else.

Darryl phoned him about the Rodriquez case. He said that he heard some gossip. He heard the prosecutors had found some nice handy evidence about a prior small time drug conviction and were congratulating themselves on having something to deal, but they were going crazy because all the records seemed to have got lost.

"But you wouldn't know about that would you" Darryl asked.

"I used to be an ADA" Cole said sanctimoniously, "They lost records all the time."

"God you can be a bastard" Darryl said pleasantly "And I don't suppose you knew that some people in your firm have worked for some of the same bad people who are screwing Reynolds around."

Cole did not lie to Darryl any more "I've known that for a couple of days" he said. "But I knew there were some bad guys here. I wouldn't have come to work here if they weren't."

Darryl groaned.

"Everything all right from yesterday?" Cole asked.

"Yeah" Darryl answered, "The officers found the kids about 3 minutes after you dropped them off. The kids are so confused about what happened, no one will ever find out. "

"Darryl" Cole said "Those kids have literally been to hell even if they don't remember. They need help."

"Its okay' Darryl answered" I dropped a few hints in the right places."

"Good" Cole answered and hung up. 

  
**.........................................................**


	15. Chapter 15

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 2:Phoebe being Phoebe

Chapter 15

  
Phoebe called about 10 and Francesca put her straight through to him. Cole told he her he did not want to talk to her. She called again about 11 and he told her the same thing. He told her to stop harassing him. His annoyance seemed to have no effect on her. 

At mid day his hand hovered over the phone expectantly but the only call was from the partner Jackman checking that Cole was working. Cole was only just civil and would not have been that if Francesca had not been watching and listening him. Phoebe rang about 12.20 and cheekily explained she was late calling him because a meeting ran overtime. Cole told her furiously that he did not want to talk to her. She told him that the least he could do was be civil.

"What do you want?" he asked in exasperation 

"To talk to you" Phoebe said as if she was explaining to a child.

"Phoebe' he sighed "We have said it all so there is nothing left to say or we have not said enough and never will. Just either way it doesn't get us anywhere." He hung up.

She called again an hour later. This time he said he not want to talk and told her to stop ringing him.

She hesitated, and then said enquiringly "Does it really bother you?"

"It bothers me" he answered.

"Ask me name nicely to stop" she said archly

"Phoebe will you please stop ringing me?" he asked caught between annoyance and amusement.

"See all you had to do was ask" she said brightly "Of course I will"

She did not ring at two and he was relieved, when she did not ring at 3 he was getting angry. Just before 3.30 Francesca came in to remind him of the meeting he had with to major industrial clients and one of the senior partners at 4.30, and she would not leave until he set his watch alarm.

He inwardly vowed to go somewhere where no women would ever order him about. Again. "Did my.. did Phoebe call" he asked Francesca for the fifth time and got a very nasty glare for his trouble.

She went out of his office and shut the door. Loudly.

She had barely reached her desk when there was a knock on her office door and a girl entered, Phoebe stood at the door just for a second a little awkward and wondering what the harpy would be like. The two women in Cole's life eyed each other off and both concluded that impressions on the phone and from talking to other people were deceptive.

Phoebe saw a plumb older women, who dressed very well and had an obvious glint of humour in her eyes and a manner that said she could not be intimidated by anyone.

Phoebe gulped and said very nervously I'm Phoebe Halliwell Cole's wi.. Cole's ex wife is he in."

She came into the room not quite as confidently as she had bounced out of her own workplace when she told them she was leaving personal reasons.

Francesca, from all the stories she had heard about Cole's wife had somehow expected a tall blond, very attractive career women wearing a tight business suit and who had a very pushy manner. She was somewhat stunned, to see this very petite girl/woman with her blond streaked dark hair clipped up in a rough bundle and falling attractively around a heart shaped face with biggest brown eyes Francesca had ever seen.

The girl had an earthy figure; she was dressed in a manner that should have been sexually provocative. She wore a tight sheer floral shirt tied unde her bust that clearly showed a bright pink satin bra. She also wore a pink silk jacket of and a floral cotton skirt that totally clashed with the shirt and jacket, the skirt sat enough on her hips to clearly show a tattoo. All this was combined with thick solid gold sandals and bright flower bag over her shoulder. Somehow the clashing pink florals made her look like an innocent little girl dressing up in her big sister's clothing.

"Is Cole in?" Phoebe repeated a little nervously as Francesca surveyed her intently. So this was the witchy ex- wife that office gossip said sent Cole, into a spin whenever she got near him Francesca thought.

Cole, must have a had a sixth sense for her presence because Phoebe had barely got the words out when he appeared at the door "You said you would stop contacting me" Cole accused.

"No I didn't" Phoebe smiled "I said I wouldn't ring you. Why do you think you are going to get out of talking to me?" She added very sweetly, obviously spoiling for a fight.

Cole barely contained a moan. Knowing Phoebe she was not going to let it end without her getting the last confrontation.

And at this point, pushed as far as he could go, Cole was willing to give her what she wanted. He strode to her and to Francesca's amusement he stepped straight into her personal space to tower over her as he talked. Phoebe should have been intimidated and stepped back but her reaction was to crowd him and thrust her hips in an invitation that was as unwitting as it was natural.

"What is there to say Phoebe?" Cole demanded, apparently so used to the invitation that he quite naturally moved even closer her to her so his lower body touching hers "I told you I'm not saying sorry again"

"You think sorry covers it" she snapped, letting her nerves feed into anger.

He responded to her anger immediately "Just go" he roared at her "I don't want to have anything to do with you any more." His lower body was so close to her he had to lean back to make eye contact.

"That's it Cole" she yelled "just run"

"I thought that was your role" he snarled and she looked up him at him getting redder and angrier.

Cole finally became aware of Francesca's somewhat amused face and was also noticed people passing the open office door very slowly. Rumour that Cole's ex-wife was in the building must have been rife already.

One look at Phoebe's face and he knew this was going to be the yelling match of the century. He glanced at his office and the audience around and he decided no. He put his hands on Phoebe's arms spun her around and pushed her out the door toward the elevator. She tried to stomp on his instep which he side stepped and when she resisted being pushed into the elevator, he stepped inside caught her wrist and hauled her in after him. He let her go as soon as they were in there and pushed the button for the lowered level car park

"You bastard" Phoebe snapped

"Shut up" he snarled back. The two stood in the elevator glaring at each other until it reached the lower floor car park and Cole strode out ahead leaving Phoebe to scurry along behind him. It was deserted of people as it always was at the time of day; No one left the building before 5.30. At least Cole thought it was deserted. The two cleaners who had come in early to start on some special work in an office and the cat that lived in the cleaner's room, all had an excellent view and hearing of the argument.

Cole stalked over to a corner of the car park far away from everything but where the sound easily carrying to the cleaners. Phoebe running along behind him finally caught Cole by the collar of his jacket and hauled him to a stop. She grabbed his arm and spun him around.

"Okay there you've had your fun Phoebe" he roared. "That's it .You can stop it . Lay off. "

She was close enough that he could smell the scent from her hair. "Whatever fun you're having getting your compensation for whatever it is you blame me for stop it. I've done as much penance as you're going to get.' He snarled down at her.

Phoebe had to bend her head back to meet his eyes. She caught hold of his jacket to balance herself and did not let go. "And since when do you get the right to say when its okay by me" she snapped back "You arrogant bastard. You think I'm sorry is enough. It does not even cover it."

"I know that" he answered, "so it isn't said. Let go Phoebe, and let me go" he added forcefully.

"What are you going to do? Run?" she snarled "Sit back . For the rest of your life. For eternity and cry and say I used to love a witch. I do love a witch. But she's gone, its ended so bad. Woe is me"

"How I spend eternity is nothing to do with you" Cole yelled because he was still not sure which universe he was in and what he was supposed to be arguing about. "I ruined your life. I made you miserable. I came back from the dead and made it worse, not better, I caused you and your family all that pain. Okay I get it."

He caught her red, angry, unyielding expression. "You want to move on, move on," he roared at her "Leave me to what I want. Get out of my life"

She screamed at him "I'll move on when I damn well please, and I'll let you off when I damned well please. You ruined my life. "

"You're 29 Phoebe" he bit out, almost deflated. He said almost pleading, "That' s not the end of your life". He shook his head sadly "What else do you want me to say? If I could change it don't you think I would." He took a deep breath "I did not mean to let the source take me over. If I had a chance to do it again I wouldn't. If I could go back to being mortal again I would but I can't change what happened"

Phoebe stepped back and put hands on her hips. Outraged she screamed "You bastard. You think that's what you did to ruin my life."

Cole was nearly lost "What else did I do" he said. Stunned.

"Before I met you" Phoebe yelled at him "I was just getting okay with who I was. I never met anybody who even came close to what I wanted but that was okay. I was okay with me and living just with me and then you have to come bouncing; along. ' Ladies my name is Cole Turner '" she screamed mimicking his voice " I was okay, before you did that and I haven't been okay since."

"Actually no it wasn't then, you ruined my life when I was ten years old.'" She managed to find another decibel to her voice level.

" I didn't know you when you were ten years old" Cole yelled in total confusion.

"Yes you did." She managed to get her voice up another level "How in the hell; was there going to be anyone else when this gorgeous dream man, smiles at you like you are the most special person in the world then jumps in front of a fireball, to pretend to be prince charming? How the hell was any one else going to be there for me? I remember the smile, the way you had to be all sweet and heroic?"

"You don't have any memory of that" Cole yelled back reaching her volume "Grams wiped it "

"I remember" Phoebe said, suddenly much quieter "I watched you do it. I watched you make me fall in love with you. And even if I didn't remember I knew, inside me, in my heart, in my soul. You bastard. And there were all those men and no one there for me because you had to play like you were some sort of hero. "

"And you know what else you have done you bastard" she yelled finding her range again "Its not the source okay, it happened, I went evil, you did what you did, and we came out so all 's fair Good won. I'm good, my sisters are good you're good isn't that nice. "

Somewhere in the middle of that Cole was left adrift. He was beyond even understanding what Phoebe was angry about.

Phoebe was on a roll. "I saw what I ended up, saw what I became because of you. You saw her, that bitter old bitch. I hate her and hate you for making me that way. For leaving me with that to become."

Cole totally on the defensive at where the attack was coming from '"You married, me, that didn't happen. What changed again? Phoebe?" he asked feeling helpless "All I did was love you"

"What changed?" she yelled, "You're running. You haven't even got the guts to ask what I want. You want to run away and leave me to be that bitter old bitch. You love me and that's what you make me, that's what you make me" she repeated the tears coming fast" I can't feel anything for anyone but you. You left me with only that. You run and I don't have a future, I only have that, just because you had to be prince freaking damn charming." She choked "Prince freaking damned charming"

She moved closer to him touching her body again and barely aware she did it Sobbing she cried "Don't you understand whatever we had, whatever happened is all I am going to get. You left me with no chance of anything else" She looked into his face, tears pouring down hers "I'm not going to find some one else. I happen to know I never do. I'm left regretting few short years with you, then everything was shot to hell. I'm left regretting that you are all I ever get for the rest of my life."

"I told you" she screamed at him between sobs "I told I would always love you and I was damned, well cursed well fucking well right. You're all I get. "

He shook his head uncertain even about what he was being accused. "Phoebe you're the one who says move on, there are others". He sighed, trying to be logical when logic wasn't what she needed.

"There isn't going to be anyone else for me" she was yelling so loud, the cleaners shut the door to their room. "Say it you bastard" she was screaming in her head "say it."

But he just stood looking down at her baffled.

Goaded she continued "You had to do it didn't you, make it this big love affair, this big time and space and life and death thing, coming from the dead even, couldn't even stay dead." She sobbed, "You stinking bastard you couldn't even stay dead."

"Say it please" she begged in her head.

She looked up into his confused bewildered blue eyes "What did Darryl call it epic? Well, you had to make it epic. I was loved by the most powerful creature good or bad on earth, and he gave up everything to be with me and now all I get offered is sex and games and bastards who haven't got the guts to love me like you do."

He tried to pull back but she caught his coat lapels and pulled him to her.

"Phoebe all I did was love you" he whispered "and want to be with you"

"Dammit" she screamed at him "I love you and you love me. What good has that done? You had to come bouncing out didn't you all sexy and playing your games. Oh I can hear you Phoebe whatever the future is I want it with you. "

She had tears pouring down her face. "You knew how to love me then" she cried " You knew loving me was not this, ...this obsessive passion. You just wanted to be with me and hold me and take care of me. You knew how to love me then."

'Please say it" she begged silently. But she saw nothing in his face, but puzzlement and anguish.

So all she could do was keep going "You keep saying you love me. What good as that done you?" she shook her head, still crying 'Have you seen yourself lately? You look like a bundle of misery. You look like a damned kicked puppy". Her voice gave way "Cole have you seen yourself lately? You look like a beaten dog. I made you that. I love you and I made you that." And she broke down in choking sobs.

Cole's world suddenly spun, faster, everything became a blur except the girl in front of him, clutching on to his jacket for support, staring into his face, her eyes red from tears, her face wet, her mouth open inviting him as it slowly dawned on him, that this whole scene was not an ending but a beginning. 

"Well damn you, you bastard it isn't going to happen." she continued "You're all I've got and I'm all you've got and that is what is going to happen. That's it." She softened "That's all we are ever going to have" she whispered.

He gulped out "You love me" then reached to touch the tear-wet face, the blue eyes so blue and vibrant and stunned and confused she almost laughed.

"Phoebe" he started to say.

He moved his hand to her mouth, and she kissed the finger that played with her lips.

"You're so smart" she said softly "Not wanting to talk to me, not wanting one more goodbye. Just thinking I wanted to see you gone. Well you don't know me as well as you think you do buster" she whispered hoarsely "You got what you want. You got me. Any problems with that?"

Cole stopped his hand then sighed gasping for air almost. He stared into her face, taking in every emotion, as if he was storing the memory of the moment for eternity. He took his hand away from he face and stepped back, almost to get a better view of her. A girl, his witch, pretty, looking at him with tear wet eyes, looking at him with something he had not seen for a year. Love. He leaned against the a nearest car park pillar and crossed his arms almost protecting himself

"In case it wasn't true" she thought.

"Any problems with that" Phoebe demanded again. Inside her head she begged him to say it. But the words did not come.

All he said was "No Phoebe" he said slowly shook his head "I don't have any problems with that."

"I do love you, you know" she whispered.

This time he managed to say something "Phoebe I know that, I do know you.. a little bit.. Do you think I would have stayed if I did not know that?"

He straightened up, unfolded his arms, and touched her face "Phoebe when you started contacting me, I knew something had changed. I thought you really had moved on, you were making sure you finished it. That's why I wanted to leave."

They stared at each other and the silence between them seemed an eternity.

"Say it "she pleaded with him silently.

The silence was broken by Cole's watch alarm going off. Both of them jumped, awkwardly as if brought out of a trance. Cole half turned away from her "I have a meeting. I have to go" he said awkwardly "I do have to go" he said again, half frightened she would think he was running.

Phoebe was out of words Now she had done it she felt teary, uncertain and frightened because he hadn't said the words she needed so badly. For all her efforts he had not said it. She nodded. "Okay" she said as if it was not an interruption of their world reforming. She smiled." I'll be back, when in an hour?"

"Hour and half" Cole muttered said as if the time apart was the most crucial thing in their relationship.

"Okay I'll take you to dinner" she said smiling through tears."My party. You can tell me what your problems are."

"I don't have any problems now" he said in a dull flat disbelieving voice. All the emotion drained out of him.

Phoebe nodded. It was all she could do. She needed to move, to break the tension. She slipped past him and then stopped and stepped back caught his hair and pulled his face down for a quick teasing brush on his lips, just touching them with her tongue. She felt him shudder.

Then she darted off to the elevator and pressed the button. He unfroze a few seconds later and followed. He stood beside her not sure what his role was. He reached to touch her as the elevator came and she slipped in away from him He followed her slowly She pressed the first floor button and then 15th for him and he had just had time to quickly peck her lips before the door opened and she went to runt out while 3 other people got in. Cole put his finger on the door open button and caught her hand stopping her leaving.

"I love you" he said and she stared at him, eyes wide, hearing the words she needed. For the first time since that day when the Source took him away from her, he said it, not as a reason, or a threat or an excuse. He said it as a promise.

She gulped and nodded and he let her go. She slipped out Cole stayed in the elevator, totally unaware of the three people who tried not stare at him and wondering which alternate universe he had been transported to.

Down in the basement, the cleaners looked at each other. Eric had always rather liked the charming Mr Turner despite his erratic behaviour. Mr Turner was polite considerate and always had a sense of humour. "

"What the hell do you think he really did? " he said to his friend.

"Beats the hell; out of me" said his friend "but I tell you I ain't gonna believe a word he says from now on"

  
**.........................................................**


	16. Chapter 16

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 2:Phoebe being Phoebe

Chapter 16

  


Cole arrived back in his office totally unaware of the stares he received in the corridor because the gossip had already flown about the firm that Turner's wife was around and he was being erratic again.

Francesca was still their office. Cole asked not all that interested " Have the clients arrived yet? "

"No" she answered "they called to say they would be ten minute late"

"Good" he said

"Yes' Francesca said "and lucky" She looked Cole in the eye and demanded, "What happened?"

He stopped "What happened?" he repeated. Then he continued in a bemused voice "I don't know "

"Did you sort everything out" Francesca persisted

"I'm not sure" Cole answered sounding even more puzzled

"You didn't do anything to her?" Francesca said getting concerned.

"Of course not" he said horrified she would ask, and vaguely wondering why " I agreed to what she wanted "

"What did she want?" Francesca asked

"I don't know Cole answered. "I think she wanted to get back together or she might have wanted to have an excusive be there for each other thing or she may have just want me there for stud when she wants to screw, I m not sure I agreed though" he said sadly.

Francesca could barely hold back her laughter.

Cole sighed and then added confidentially "She 's taking me out to dinner to night. I guess she'll tell me then what I agreed to"

He went into the office and Francesca gave way to laughter Cole returned a few seconds later carrying the folder for the meeting and observed Francesca laughing balefully.

"It's all right for you" he said bitterly "She's taking me to dinner, I bet it will be vegetarian. I hate vegetarian."

When he returned from the meeting nearly an hour and half later Phoebe was in his office talking happily to Francesca which Cole, could only regard as not good. He had fully expected her not to come back, or that some demon was playing with him again and the argument in the car park never happened.

Cole' senior partner, Carter was behind him, needing papers after the meeting. He openly eyed Phoebe and Cole forced into a corner had to introduce her to him "you may remember my wife. My ex wife Phoebe."

Phoebe held out her hand all sweetness and light She chatted in a friendly manner to Cole's boss while he went to get the folder which he handed to Carter. Cole was very suspicious of what Phoebe was up to. He noted some shopping bags she had not had earlier.

"Where have you been?" he asked curiously

"I brought you a present" Phoebe answered

"What" he asked even more apprehensively.

She reached in the bag and pulled out a sheer see through very short black nightdress. "Do you like it, I bought some suspenders too. Do you want to see them?"she asked holding the nightdress up against her.

Cole groaned but still felt the warmth rush to his lower body, Francesca laughed openly and Carter looked surprised and very interested,

They left Cole's workplace together, both of them decidedly awkward with each other. In deciding that they were getting back together Phoebe had steeled herself to batter down any resistance or rejection Cole might throw at her, but she had not quite worked out what do or say when she did not have anger, or fear to carry her through the moment. She was suddenly a very shy little girl, not sure what to say to him.

Cole also was feeling very disorientated. Two hours ago, he was hanging onto threads to keep a life going and suddenly he had it all and he did not know what to do with it. Once he would have caught Phoebe's arm or hand or crowded close to her for the pleasure of touching her, while they talked about little things between them, or magic or shared dreams. He followed behind her feeling very unsure.

Everything had been so big between them, they had lost all the small things. They had many bridges to build. Cole asked Phoebe where her car was and she said at work, and he gave her an odd sideways glance. Cole was not driving the same car as last year, to Phoebe's relief. This one was a dark green Mercedes.

"I hated that Porche" he said catching her expression.

He came around to open the door for her. He pulled it open and she went to step in and he pushed the door shut so she was caught with her back against the door. With his hand s on either side of her head, she stood there looking up at him eyes wide and bright and he lowered his mouth with a smile and a sigh. She gave herself to him, her lips, her mouth, her heart She tasted sweet. He allowed her enough room and she threw her arms around his neck and she pulled him to her so she could give him everything he asked.

When he finally lifted his mouth off hers, still keeping his lips with only an inch from hers, he whispered, "I missed that"

And she giggled.

**…………………………………. **

**. **

Cole was wrong. Phoebe had booked a table at a very cosy Italian restaurant in not far from Chinatown. The awkwardness was still there between them, but when they entered the restaurant with Phoebe walking ahead of Cole, she put her hand behind her back and he caught it as he followed her. They sat down and Phoebe made a big thing about being the one who ordered and choosing the wine. The waiter, who kept glancing at Cole while she fussed got nothing but a sardonic raised eyebrow for his trouble.

"This is more up market than the last time you bought me Italian" Cole smiled. It had been over 18 months ago when they were both unemployed.

"I like Jo's Pizza" Phoebe said. "You can take me there next week" she smiled.

"Next week" he repeated, still not quite comprehending there was going to be next week for them.

"Think you're going to wake up and this won't be true" she asked.

He nodded. She reached over the table to take his hand. "It's conditional Cole" she breathed.

.

"I know" he said, "You don't have to say it."

"I do" she said "Its conditional on you not being evil."

He suddenly laughed "You got me" he said.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I thought it was going to be on me being good." he sounded surprised.

She shook her head "I've learnt that even the best of us have problems with being that all the time" she said.

He laughed.

She talked about work at first awkwardly to fill the gap and then because it was just Cole, and she began to fall into old familiar comfortable habits with him. As she chatted away about her job, the problems of people he did not know, the politics in an office he did not care about, he sat opposite her listening to her voice, taking in every facial expression, every change in tone, every movement of her body.

He did not ask her what she meant by together, mostly because he suspected she did not know. Over dessert, Cole ordered lemon glazed tart, Phoebe had gone to a great deal of trouble to make sure there was something lemon on the menu. He did ask her if she was sure there was a future for them.

She met his eyes "We're stuck with other Cole. There is no moving away or finding someone else. I saw my future and it just isn't pleasant I don't have to see your future to know that you won't find a way to be happy without me. I just have to see you, the way I have in the last few days.

"Being stuck with each other isn't exactly the greatest reason to be together" he said but he softened it by reaching for her hand.

She was intense "Maybe for other people but what we had, we aren't going get any better and it seems neither of us can live with anything worse." She glanced at him uneasily from under her lashes. He knew about Miles, what he knew about the other two or dating she had no idea.

Nervously she added, "I know I looked "she said.

He sucked his breath" – and I didn't". He smiled gently and reached for her hand. "Phoebe" he said, "Just so we have no problems with this. I don't care what you did or who you did it with. If they made you decide to come to me I'm in their debt."

"Well it's the only time I'll say it, you were smarter." She put her head on the side and wet her lips in an invitation "I hate sex with some-one who.."

"Some-one who what? " he asked warily but his eyes where gentle.

"Who at the very least won't fight his way back from the wastelands of hell for me" she smirked.

He lifted her hand and kissed it "That answers that question" he said.

And they laughed together, comfortable with each other for the very first time in a very long while.

Cole even relaxed enough to tease her about her determined assault in the car park. "You never thought to just ask me" he said.

"You wouldn't talk to me" she said primly.

"That'll learn me" he smiled "I won't do that again"

"Good"" she muttered and his blue eyes flashed with a promise that took her breath away then very coyly she said "Tell me something "she said.

"What"" he said, wary.

"That you love me and want to be with me" she said.

He reached over and took her hands. "I love you and I don't know what the future is but whatever it is I want to spend it with you" he said meaning it but still suspicious.

"Thank you" she said like a little girl taking to much candy. "Now I'll tell why I stood so close to you when we were ..talking in the car park.

"Why?" he asked smiling at the word talking.

"Because I thought you would shimmer off and if you did I was going to jump you. So you didn't have a hope of running" She answered artfully " I love you" she added.

.**.....................................................**


	17. Chapter 17

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 2:Phoebe being Phoebe

Chapter 17

  
They left the restaurant and stood on the pavement. 

"What now" Phoebe asked.

"We're together tonight" Cole said it was a statement not a question.

"The manor?" Phoebe asked not meaning it. Which was just as well from the expression on Cole's face.

"The apartment?" he said.

And Phoebe nervously said "I hate that place. I don't want to start this off there."

"I thought we did" Cole said and Phoebe hit him.

They laughed.

They walked back to where the car was parked. A few doors up from the restaurant was a small old fashioned hotel in one of San Francisco's older buildings. They could see in the glass revolving door to an elegant and old fashioned foyer. Cole indicated with a nod of his head and Phoebe agreed with little hesitation but she refused to go there without a bag.

"They'll think we are just going there for sex" she said.

"Aren't we?" Cole asked. Phoebe hit him again.

He said he would go back to is place and get a bag and a few things. He asked Phoebe to come and she said no because she hated the apartment and did not want it to be even part of their beginning.

Cole shimmered off and Phoebe called home. Leo answered the phone.

Phoebe shrieked "Leo you're home. You're all right."

Leo confirmed he was and she told him that she was spending the night with her guy. Leo was plainly not thrilled "You're off with some stranger" he muttered "and Paige is off with some married guy."

"Married guy?" Phoebe asked

"He says he's separated' Leo answered "but I don't believe it." Then he made some noises about Phoebe's safety but Phoebe said to call her cell if they needed her and she laughed at what Leo's reaction would be if he came looking for her.

Leo turned to Piper who was checking P3 accounts and told her Phoebe was at the old Esmeralda hotel with her new boyfriend

"Are you worried?" he asked.

" What Phoebe? Knowing Phoebe's record of men. Of course I'm worried." Piper answered, with an expression that said she was sick to death of Phoebe and men.

She smiled across to Leo. "It's to quick with Phoebe. A week ago she was wondering if she would be alone all her life and suddenly she is saying there's a man and it she thinks its forever. Sisters" Piper sighed "I wish Phoebe would stop falling in love and I wish Paige would."

"What about Cole" Leo asked 'Does he know?"

Piper shrugged and that guilty shadow fell over her again. There she was sitting at the dining room table looking at accounts while her husband sat opposite ,catching up on reading the weeks newspapers. Leo looked over the top of the paper and smiled at her. When he had orbed in that afternoon Piper had just finished changing Melinda. She had thrust Melinda at Paige and ran to Leo, and hugged him with relief.

There she was sitting comfortably at home with her husband and daughter thanks to Cole, and Phoebe was about to tear him to pieces. Piper bitterly resented that the price of Cole helping them always seemed to be that she felt perpetually guilty because she was happy and he wasn't. She wished for a second that Cole would be happy and leave her free but the only thing that would make Cole happy was to be with Phoebe and Piper buried the thought because could not make that happen. Her happiness was not at the cost of Cole's so she had no reason to feel guilty. Only she did. 

Phoebe almost excitedly told Cole Leo was all right when he returned with a small overnight bag. He did not seem to share her joy.

They went to the hotel and had a small dispute over who paid for the room. Cole won because he found his wallet faster than she could dig around in her purse for hers. In the elevator up to their room, she arched against him, reaching up to pull his mouth to hers. A tear rolled down her face afterward.

"What's wrong?" he said nervously.

She shook her head "Nothing" she said "I'm happy."

If an ex demon could have had a prayer answered, Cole would have said thank you to have Phoebe beside him and happy.

They went upstairs to the room, Cole carrying his bag, and Phoebe's shopping bags. He opened the door and went to go in.

Phoebe refused to move "Aren't you going to carry me in?" she asked coyly.

Cole looked at the one hand full of bags, the key card in the other. He smiled politely said to Phoebe hold this, and gave her the card. He bent to put his right arm under her behind and hoisted her over his shoulder while she clutched at his jacket not to fall. She kicked and squealed to let go but he just walked into the room kicked the door shut and headed for the bed.

He pretended to drop her quite hard on the bed but bent low as he put her down and she did not have far to fall down. Phoebe caught hold of the back of his collar and pulled Cole down on to her as the bags went flying. He protected her from his full weight. They rolled around on the bed wrestling and laughing until they ended it in a deep and satisfying kiss.

When they finally came up for air, Cole leant on his arms smiling gently, his face so close to Phoebe she could fell his every breath.

"I do love you" he promised.

"I know" she whispered back, as his hand played with her hair and gently stroked her face. They had all the time in the world to play and laugh, to tease, to pet, to explore, to learn about each other again, to share and to give. They had all the time in the world for Phoebe to dance around the room in a short sheer black nightdress, to argue about clothes on the floor. All the time in to world to be together.

Phoebe for the first time in a very long while slept all night but she woke wondering why her pillow was hard and tickled until she realised she was actually snuggled against Cole's bare chest. He was awake just lying back on the pillow, stroking her. He had not slept all night. He was to scared to sleep in case when he woke it was all a dream and she was not really with him.

He smiled gently into those big brown eyes, the smile he saved for her. The smile froze on his face because she suddenly flung herself back away from him. She was half off the bed, as the tears came.

She screamed "I'm not here. I can't bear this any more I can't" then she glanced around, taking in the hotel room, the view across the roofs, the hotel opposite, clothes and bags thrown across chairs and she choked back another scream.

"Oh baby" she bit out " Baby I'm so sorry"

Cole was freaking. "This had better be good "he said his voice wavering

She threw herself on the bed and touched his face. "Baby, I'm so sorry."

He was freaking so much he barely registered she called him baby.

She gulped "I have this nightmare where I wake up with you. I keep going back to it, I wake up and feel safe for a second but then it turns out to be the source, not you and he always turns into some monster trying to kill me, trying to destroy me.

She held his eyes pleading fro understanding "Baby I'm sorry I thought was there again."

"Phoebe the monster's gone" Cole said, "Nobody left but me". 

She looked at him, still expecting his eyes to go black, for him to turn into a dark miss-shapen monster. But even though she stared and stared, all she saw was Cole, hair tousled, bare-chested and in need of a shave, sitting upright watching her with frightened intensity. Finally he put his hand out to hers, taking it gently. "Phoebe honey" he said very slowly "the nightmare's over."

She nodded a little tremulously, and then decided this was not the moment for another bout of tears. She pulled the cover s back and straddled him.

"Oh its that is it" he sighed and gave into pleasure as she touched him, feeling happy, free, safe to do what she wanted.

**………………………………………. **

Phoebe was sitting on the bed, crossed legged wearing a hotel towelling robe and drinking coffee with the remains of a breakfast on the tray, and enjoying watching Cole dress.. Normal life interrupted them. Cole had to go to a meeting. She tried to talk him out of it.

"You can miss one meeting" she pouted.

"I miss lots of meetings and don't give a stuff" he said "but this is a client out at the gaol and he needs help."

"Is he an innocent ?" she asked.

"He's innocent of what he is accused" Cole told her

And she pulled a face "I know almost nothing of what your life is. We've got a long way to go haven't we?"

"A long way to go, many, many things to deal with" he agreed, glancing out of the window at the light coming into the room. The cold hard light of day.

"I know" she said. She flicked her finger at him, summoning him to her.

"What? "he said as he leant forward.

"Your tie is crooked" she said fixing it and patting him on the cheek. Then she pulled him down to sit on the bed beside her.

She took a deep breath "Cole I've thought about what happened and I.." she smiled "I fanaticised about the advice I would give me if I wrote to me about this."

.

"I can hardly wait to hear it" he said pretending to be flippant and failing.

She hit him but caught his hand and looked down at it as she said "I would tell me to deal with the problems it caused when they happen, I would write don't forget it happened but it can't be changed. I would say if you talked about it for a lifetime you would never really understand why and all you would have done is talked for a life time instead of having a life time."

She looked into his face, meeting the intensity of his gaze "I would say to me" she continued "Can you forgive him, can he forgive you. If both of you can say that and mean it then damn it, put it behind you, get together and make a life ."

She clutched tightly at his hand, never taking her eyes off his face "Can we talk about it when have to Cole. Not deny it but just accept it happened, it effected us and leave it at that. If I say I forgive you, is that enough. Can you say you can forgive me?"

He sighed "You're really are good at what you do aren't you?"

He leant forward to kiss her. She stopped him "Say you forgive me" she said.

"I forgive you" he said.

She pulled back a little "Say it like you mean you really do. Not like you are trying to take on all the responsibility. Let me be responsible for me" she demanded.

He kissed her feeling the taste of her, the life of her. She felt the tears well up. Then he separated himself from her

He stood up and said in a different voice "I forgive you."

"Thank you" she smiled through tears. Then in a different voice she said, "Go to work baby."

"You'll be here tonight?" he asked stopping at the door

"There is nothing in this realm or any other that would keep me away" she promised and because she knew this goodbye could drag all day she picked up her glasses and the morning paper and started to read it.

Cole opened the door to leave but he turned back to look at her one more time.

To look at his witch, sitting cross legged on a bed , not even remotely covered by a hotel robe, hair lose and tangled, big brown eyes, not hidden behind the glasses. His witch. A vision of her to store, to remember all day, to remember for a lifetime; to remember for an eternity.

**………………………………. **

**_He sat on a deserted beach on an island paradise, as waves lapped gently on a white sandy beach. So many years ago and the vision was as clear to him as if he had just shut the door. She came to him on beaches. His witch. _**

****

**_Did he know everything about love or nothing? He saw so clearly the vision of his witch and he knew as much as he needed to know about love. He saw his witch and he knew he had loved and he had been loved. _**

.**.....................................................**


	18. Chapter 18

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 3:Keeping it in the Family

Chapter 18

  


**_He had spent lifetimes alone on beaches, alone watching feeling remembering. Beaches had called him, since times gone by because even alone on beaches he could never quite isolate himself. Intending to or not he become caught in the passion of nature, the turning of tides and joining with earth. _**

****

**_Some beaches called to him more than others and a certain beach on the west coast of Ireland always drew him back. He had sat on that beach through some very bad times, and the memories it evoked were not always happy ones, but in his long lifetime he had learned that there was no help for it, sometimes the only way to find a way forward was to go back, look honestly at the mistakes, relive the experience. And if the experience had been harsh, time could blunt the pain and you could see it for what it had been. And when he looked back mostly he saw that each experience was a contradiction, good and bad, happy and sad, high drama and comedy. Life._**

****

**_Sometimes he thought that he had learned everything he knew about life sitting on beaches. _**

**_…………………………………………………………… _**

It was one very happy ex-demon who drove out to see Rodriquez at the gaol. He hummed along to every love song he heard on the radio, humming one out loud as he entered the gaol.

He smiled to himself when he realised how embarrassed he would be to be overheard, then he decided he was so happy that he did not care. The visit was mostly one to reassure the boy that things were on track. He had been in gaol a week but it probably felt like an eternity. There were those who would feel he deserved it, he had a stupid drug conviction as a kid and he was mixed up in some smuggling but Cole had to much experience with the nature of evil to even question the wisdom of making Rodriguez problems go away. Although maybe a week realising the consequences of getting caught for other things might not do him any harm.

Because Cole was late for his appointment with Rodriguez, he was late getting back to work and these days he guessed one of the partners would already have checked up on him, which meant that Francesca would be mad at him. Cole was right on both scores, Jackman had been checking upon him and Francesca was mad at him.

"You're not going to ruin my day" Cole grinned at her happily when she pointedly looked at her watch as he came in.

"Speaking of your wife ex-wife, your brother in law ex brother in law is waiting in your office" Francesca said primly.

Cole could think of any number of reasons why Leo would wait to see him and none of them good. "You just ruined my day" he said.

He went in his office. Leo was sitting in a visitor's chair. He did not have the look of some one who had come to enquire after Cole's health. He stood to face Cole.

"You're looking better than the last time I saw you" Cole said to Leo. Was that only Saturday Cole thought? It seemed like a lifetime.

"Yeah I am" Leo snapped shortly, which made it apparent he had not come to say thanks "I want to talk to you" he said and he was not happy.

Thoughts that Leo knew about Phoebe and was warning him off, flashed through Cole's brain. But it was not about that. Leo faced Cole; "I wanted to ask you when you are going to stop taking such damned stupid risks as you took on Saturday"

Cole glanced at Francesca and kicked the office door shut. "What risks?" he said pleasantly.

"You know damned well" Leo snapped. "Those demons come after magic souls Cole, magic human souls and suck the power, the more magical and powerful the soul, he better they feed, the more power they get. "

"So" Cole answered sardonically.

Cole in that mood always annoyed Leo "You knew they would swarm to you because of your magic soul. "

Cole shrugged "The magic in my human soul is very weak. They would not get much of a feed off me. "

"Your demonic powers aren't weak" Cole Leo retorted, noting with surprise that Cole did not deny he was magical "When you went in there, you deliberately put yourself at risk. "

"So" Cole repeated just as sardonically and this time his smile did not reach his eyes.

Leo smacked his lips in self righteous annoyance "You did exactly what you always do Cole. You took it on yourself to go out and save someone but in the end you're the one who becomes the danger, you become a bigger threat than anything you fight" Leo eyed Cole with his best I am good and I know best expression, "You did exactly what you did with the seer, what you did back when the seekers came, you took into on yourself to fix it but in the end you become more of the problem. " 

Cole felt a sudden welling of anger that Leo should feel he had the right to come in sanctimoniously telling him when and where and what to do. Especially when he started spouting some of the things that Cole had spent the last six months trying to deal with alone.

He silently eyeballed, Leo thinking all that time he spent so painfully dealing with all the terror and fear that those demon powers had brought him, alone, no Charmed Ones, no whitelighter, no family, no wife there to help him. That he finally comes to some form of healing and understanding, alone, and then one contact with his ex-in laws, his ex family and Leo feels he has the right to just start preaching at him again. Especially when he no longer had any connection to the family, when he was not evil, when no innocents were at risk.

Then, Cole suddenly realised that he was going to have a connection to Phoebe's family whether any of them liked it or not. And if Leo knew that he would explode into a cloud of orbs. The image was so satisfying that Cole relaxed and felt his temper if not his irritation slide away.

Leo misinterpreting, Cole's easing temper as acknowledgement of his point, pressed it "Its what you always do, just never discuss anything Cole. You won't talk about it; you won't look for any other way. You put yourself in huge danger. If those demons had got hold of your power. Think of the consequences. "

Cole crossed his arms and sat casually on the edge of his desk. Very calmly he said "Leo, it was a considered risk. It worked; you aren't a zombie. " Then with calculated tones he looked Leo straight in the eye and said "So Leo stop squawking, nothing bad happened"

"This time" Leo snapped.

Cole answered evenly. "I knew what I was doing. It was not the same as happened with the Seer. There were no dark archangels seeking domination of all evil, through Charmed Ones through…innocents and premonition" Cole smiled unpleasantly, "not even any witches interfering so that a desperate demon of fear could steal the power. I can manage the powers Le. I know how when to use them and when not to. "

Leo snorted derisively.

Cole continued with only a thin veneer of pleasantry "They're just powers. All the soul suckers would have got was an assortment of demonic powers that were poison to them Leo. " Cole smiled almost evilly because he was feeling some very bad thoughts "I am what I am because of what I am, not by what powers I took but by the way I can put them together. Believe me" he smiled.

Leo's expression clearly said he did not.

"Sorry to disappoint you Leo, but the only risk was to me and that was my choice" Cole added.

"Cole you are going to have to learn you are unvanquishable not invincible. " Leo said.

"And you are going to have to learn it isn't any of your business. " Cole retorted.

Leo looked Cole up and down Cole he said "We used to be friends, so I'm here to give you some advice because of that. I would hate to see you go evil again, for your sake as much as anyone else's. "

Cole uncrossed his arms and stood up clearly indicating he wanted Leo to go. As he stood up he shook his head almost regretfully and said Leo, "It may surprise you but I do take advice off. friends. But he continued grimly I've spent the last six months learning, learning more than I ever believed I could, learning more than I want to, in fact. I'll tell you something I learned Leo. I learned what friendship really is. "

He smiled bitterly, cynically "You were never my friend Leo. If you were MY friend you would have been worried about ME, not what I can do. Even if Phoebe and I never got back together, you would have been there, just making sure I was okay. "

Leo was getting very red in the face. "My responsibility is to my family" he said.

Cole smiled ugly "I was supposed to be part of your family Leo " he said. "I screwed up with the seer, but if you were my friend you would have understood and forgiven me..a little.

Leo looked at him in disbelief "You were evil. "

Cole shook his head "No Leo I wasn't evil, just looking that way and needing help. A friend would have helped. You are not my friend so don't come in here giving me advice I would only take from a friend. "

The two stared at each other and then Leo realising he was getting no where, said, "Cole find a friend you will take advice from" as parting shot before he left.

"Yeah it was a pleasure helping you too Leo" Cole said "no thanks necessary. "

Leo walked out of the office, stopping only to wish Francesca a pleasant good morning.

"Thank you" she said and glanced toward the door to Cole's office where he stood watching Leo leave. Cole's expression was not happy.

"Ruined the day for you? " she asked Cole her tone although not sympathetic, was not quite judgemental.

Cole threw himself down on the visitor's chair in Francesca's office.

She stopped working and said, "Your brother in law isn't happy about you and your wife working things out? "

Cole shrugged "He doesn't know yet. You know if it piss.." He caught Francesca's expression "if it upsets him I can hardly wait to tell him. "

"That will make things better" Francesca answered sarcastically.

Cole grinned "Leo is upset because I helped my.. his family on the weekend. "

"How? " Francesca asked.

"Just used a .. um.. few talents I had to fix a problem. " He eyed Francesca but she did not push and he added, "Leo seems to think my helping caused more problems than it solved. "

"Did it? " Francesca asked bluntly.

"No" Cole answered "it solved the problem but um in the past well sometimes I did cause more problems than I solved, trying to help. "

"Then" Francesca said practically "you can't blame him for being concerned now can you. You might find her family are more forgiving than you think. "

Cole grinned "Hell will freeze over before they forgive me. " Cole shook his head wryly. "Leo isn't just my brother in law. When Phoebe and I first got together, I lived with her family, with Leo and his wife on and off for about 18 months, even after we were married, so well we shared a few things, when well Phoebe's older sister died and a few things after that. Leo hasn't quite forgiven me for... because when our marriage fell apart, it nearly pulled my.. his family apart too. " He sighed "That old cliché about marrying the family not just the girl was double for me. Leo doesn't trust me" he added.

Francesca looked severe "Why doesn't he trust you?" she asked.

Cole gulped "because of the things I did that led up to Phoebe and me separating."

"Do you want my opinion? " Francesca asked.

Cole sat forward resting his hands on his knees. He looked down and then he looked up at Francesca "Yeah I do" he said.

"Does the reason he won't not trust you still exist" she said.

"No" Cole answered.

"Then whether your brother in law trusts you or not isn't anything to do with you. He either works out he can or he lives in the past and you can't change it" She looked down at her nose at Cole dismissively.

He took the hint and got up to return to his office. He stopped "Thanks" he said "you're a smart lady aren't you?" he smiled, the little boy smile.

Francesca glanced over the top of her glasses as she if she did not understand what he was saying, but she was not quite as unaffected by the smile as she pretended.

Cole went back to his desk. He started to work and only about ten minutes later did he remember the last thing Leo had said was find some one you can talk to.

Cole slammed a copy of the California statutes onto his desk. What really pissed him off about Leo was not Leo's primness, his self righteousness, his inability to make a decision without taking it to the elders, the way he let his wife bully him, "Scratch that one" Cole thought. What really pissed him off about Leo was when Leo was right. 

  
**.........................................................**


	19. Chapter 19

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 3:Keeping it in the Family

Chapter 19

Phoebe left the hotel about an hour after Cole. She caught a taxi to her work, collected her car from the car park where she left it and drove home. She was both happier than she had ever been in her life and just a little confused and resentful.

She loved Cole and she could say it out loud, she could say it without bitterness or blame. She laughed out loud at Cole's perplexion and total of confusion. Poor Cole she bet herself he was spending half the day pinching himself wondering if yesterday really happened. Serves him right.

Last night had been wonderful, not just the sex, but being part of a couple, belonging to some-one she loved, being with some-one who cared about her more than life itself. Some one who more than anything else wanted her to be happy. Last night she had been part of the only couple she ever wanted to be part of. Each time she looked up and saw him there she had gulped a little, hard to believe that it was him in the flesh, more or less, all the laughter, smiles teasing playing. It was Cole, it was Cole, it was Cole.

And a small part of her resented it and resented him, because she had spent a year finding Phoebe, understanding Phoebe, knowing Phoebe, and the only time in that year she was replete, felt alive, felt fulfilled was last night with Cole. And it dawned on her that having your fate tied to some one else, was something of a two edged sword. She wondered if he ever resented loving her. She thought of the dry way he had of saying he accepted his fate. If he meant he had gotten past being resentful of it, he was smarter than her. Damn him.

When Phoebe arrived back at the manor, she found Piper at work in the sunroom washing floors. Phoebe stood at the door and watched Piper work. "Today's Thursday" she said. "I'm almost certain we pay for some one to come in and clean on Thursdays. "

"If they saw how bad this room was" Piper answered "they might not come again."

"Where's Paige? " Phoebe asked not even daring to answer.

"At the university researching more on witchcraft. " Piper answered derisively.

"What's wrong with the Internet? " Phoebe asked Piper.

"No married professors on the Internet" Piper answered. Then she looked at Phoebe and said "How was the big.. date? "

Phoebe smiled a little nervously "Great. " She gulped. "Really good um sex. "

"And when do we get to meet this mystery man?" Piper demanded.

"When I'm ready to talk you about him, when I am sure about a few things" Phoebe answered honestly.

"He's not married is he? " Piper demanded.

"Divorced" Phoebe answered honestly.

Piper put hands on her hips "I worry about you Phoebe" she said.

Phoebe hugged her "I know you do love she said but its just whether you'd worry more meeting him or not meeting him. Piper I'm your little sister but I'm nearly thirty, you'll just have to trust that I can make the right choices. "

She went upstairs to shower and change. Under the shower the day after the most momentous act of her life, she had plenty of time to think of the complications of demanding she and Cole be together. She knew very well that Cole in her life meant Cole was in her family's lives whether they wanted him or not and no matter how much she and Cole could put the past behind them, it was not only their past.

It was not just her who Cole had betrayed, who were betrayed when the Source took over Cole, her family and home had been his family and home. If it had just been a marriage breakup, between two people she could have insisted they all be polite to each other for her sake. How many letters had she answered where she had firmly stated that families should not interfere in marriages.

The little girl in her wanted to run to her family and tell them all about it. She was almost overwhelmed with the need but because she was not a little girl anymore, she knew she had to wait. Her families' reaction would be the same whether she told them today, next week or tomorrow. She thought about what would happen. Her sisters would be angry, fighting bitching, so would Cole but he was the one who was vulnerable.

He was still in such a state and so confused by the change that the chances of him being wise were not good at the moment. She was not going to chose between Cole and her family, she had learnt that lesson so that on some level he, they, were going to have to rebuild some sort of relationship that was really nothing to do with her. But she could perhaps manage the process, just a little. Wait.

She came downstairs dressed for work and carrying her overnight bag.

Leo had orbed in while Phoebe was upstairs. He was sitting in the kitchen, holding Melinda and talking to Piper. Phoebe ran over to him and gave him a big hug and kissed Melinda.

Leo returned the hug, then suspiciously eyed the bag "Off again tonight. " he said "Who is he? "

"Just a guy Leo, just a guy" Phoebe answered.

"Are you sure he is not some evil magic being or something? " Leo asked

"Pretty sure" Phoebe answered sweetly.

Leo sat rocking his daughter in his arms but as Phoebe turned to go, he decided to take the plunge. "Talking about men in your life Phoebe" he said hesitantly.

She turned around. "I saw Cole this morning" Leo said. "Thought I better tell you."

"Why? " Phoebe demanded "I mean, why did you see him? " she said nervously.

"Yeah why? " demanded Piper

"I wanted to warn him off about what he did on Saturday. "Leo answered

"Leo he saved you" Piper said surprised. "What was wrong with that? "

Leo looked as if he resented explaining, "Look Piper I know how worried you must have been about me but Cole interfering was dangerous. He hasn't changed good or evil. He is still a reckless idiot who puts himself in danger, without ever thinking of the consequence. If he would just think, maybe we would all avoid some very bad things. "

"What do you mean? " Phoebe asked almost choking.

"With the seer what he did" Leo said "if he had not rushed in and taken the Hollow then just think what would have avoided."

"I know what he did then" Phoebe said "I mean why do you think he was at risk?"

"Didn't he tell you? Him and his damned secretiveness" Leo said. "He let them swarm him to get them off then shimmered out and grabbed me and got me out of. Then he killed a few but he did not wipe them out. He should have got rid of them. "

Piper pursed her lips. "He said he was not because he was not killing when he did not have to and anyway he could not kill them fast enough to get you away. "

Leo shook his head in annoyance. "Is that what he says? "

"Leo, how was Cole in danger? " Phoebe asked all but stamping her foot. "Those demons go after magic human souls. Cole's human side isn't magic"

"Well" Leo said. "They went crazy when he came, when they scented the power he had. "

"They couldn't harm Cole" Phoebe said.

"They thought they could. He isn't invincible, just unvanquishable. I told him that he just got nasty" Leo added.

""Cole always said he was half human" Piper said, "he never said magical. When we vanquished Belthazor he lost his powers. "

"He certainly didn't deny it this morning" Leo said "he just said it was very weak magic. But I'm guessing weak or not that's how he survived Belthazor's death, that's why he survived the wastelands. You can't vanquish a magic human soul with demon vanquish spells or potions. And because he's magical that's why he could absorb all those power. "

Leo turned to Phoebe "I don't suppose he ever told you that did he? "

She shook her head. "Another of the many secrets Cole hadn't told her. "

"I told him he was a fool and if those demons had got hold of all his powers the danger would have been" Leo added

"And Cole agreed naturally?" Piper asked flat voiced. Leo recognised the sarcasm.

"Cole just said they would only have spread a lot of demon powers between them that it was the sum of the powers in him that made him what he is. He just would not accept the danger. " Leo answered.

Piper said "Leo I'm not saying you should not talk to Cole but he seemed pretty sure what he was doing on Saturday. I trusted him on Saturday. You're alive and he is all right. Maybe he had a better understanding of the risk. "Piper added carefully "This is Cole we're talking about. He never was stupid."

"Just reckless" Leo muttered unconvinced.

Phoebe had been very quiet. She did not know why hearing the soul he had always talked about was magical human not demonic was such a shock, except Cole and his damn secrets. Demons were spirit beings who manufactured bodies. She had never got him to explain why demon with a soul, meant unique. She had not understood the difference, Cole and his damn secrets.

"I'll talk to him" Phoebe sighed said quietly.

One thing about family she thought, they sure as hell can take the fantasy out of your fairy tale.

**……………………………………………… **

Cole felt his heart sink when Phoebe called him at work and asked if they could change from meeting at the hotel to a nearby restaurant, a good one that he had fairly private tables. "Leo" he thought.

Cole was on edge all day. A couple of partners muttered the word erratic when he was totally distracted at a meeting.

Cole was not supposed to meet Phoebe until 7.30 but he was at the restaurant before 7 sitting and drinking for a while and working himself up to a very nervous state.

She arrived a few minutes late and Cole stood up as she approached and found himself shaking. The nervous smile that did not quite reach her eyes did not reassure him and Cole was left feeling that this may be a very short reconciliation.

Phoebe approached and kissed him. On the cheek. "Bad" thought Cole, "very bad. "

She sat down and when the waited approached ordered a drink only. "Very bad" thought Cole.

"How was your day? " she asked awkwardly.

"Okay" he said then plunged in "How's Leo? "

She swallowed "He told me about seeing..you today," she hesitated. "What happened Cole? " she asked.

He met her eyes "Probably what he told you. He told me off, I got annoyed, he left. But that isn't the problem is it?"

She shook her head slowly, "Was he right Cole? Were you taking stupid risks just to be a hero again? " Her eyes were filled with tears.

"Yes and no" he said leaning back in his chair.

"I don't understand" she said.

"Yes I was taking risks, I don't think they were stupid, and no I was not trying to be a hero" Cole answered slowly and deliberately.

"How bad was the risk? " she said.

"Calculated enough, for me to think that I could do what needed to be done as efficiently as I could, with the best chance of getting Leo out of there" he said "without playing Judge or executioner or even Rambo. Without slaughtering everything in sight. Which believe it or not is something that means quite a bit to me. " 

He eyed her watching he reaction intensely.

She gulped "Paige was badly hurt when they got into her. So were you? " she said.

He did not miss the significance of the question "Yes" he answered "I was. Felt like my.. who I was got sucked out of me but I got some help to get over it" he answered dryly "had a visitor that night who distracted me. "

She softened but demanded "Cole" she said "how much danger were you in, we, everybody else in because of you?"

He sighed "Leo is a Leo a fussy old woman at times. No he's not, I don't know any the old woman who can be as pedantic about anything as Leo gets about good and bad. " He caught her stare "I really like Leo I do. In fact there are times when I would have said I was fond of him but he has the imagination of a gnat." And to his great relief he caught a glimmer of a smile on Phoebe's face. "I took a risk" he said "I took the same sort of risk you take every time you fight, every time you take on evil. There is always a chance something could go wrong and it does and Leo heals you. There was a chance but I know what I can do and I know how to use what I have and I know how much I can regenerate and all up it was worth the risk. "

The waiter came to take their order. To Cole's immense relief Phoebe did not tell him to go away but ordered. So did he slowly, deliberately, until the waiter showed signs of getting every impatient.

When the waiter left he got up his nerve, "I guess this is where we need to talk about it all isn't it. My that came fast" he added sarcastically because he was worried.

She went to interrupt and he stopped her "My turn" he said and she shut her mouth. "I have the powers and I've learnt alot about them. You want to know how dangerous it is, if anything evil got what I have and could learn to use the powers, which by he way I rather doubt they could because of what it takes me to use them, they would be the most dangerous creature in the realms. But mostly what I have is a collection of and he lowered his voice at the word demon powers which individually can be taken and destroyed like any other. And you have a whole Book of Shadows to do that, if the other powers did not stop you" he smiled "As Leo so rightly put it I'm unvanquishable not invincible. I can be ah conquered"

"And how can you be –ah conquered?" she asked a little nasty, reacting to Cole's temper and suspicion of her questions.

Cole took a deep breath because he had a feeling this could be the end. "I'm not going to tell you" he said.

"You just don't trust me" she gasped hurt not understanding, going back to those times when the Source had taken him over, secrets, always secrets. "Are you ever going to tell me these things?" she asked not able to hide her hurt.

Very deliberately he said "Its not I don't trust you I do but I need to trust your belief in me, well more than I do right now. I think you're doing pretty good" he added "Leo told you some things and instead of coming to threaten me you came to ask me and that" he smiled suddenly "is a long way from where we've been baby. "

"And so its better I don't know everything about you" she said bitterly hurt.

"Much better" he agreed. Then he met her eyes "Do you trust me?"

She looked at him, took a deep breath and said "Yes".

He eyed her sardonically "Where's the grimoire Phoebe?" he asked quietly.

Many thoughts flashed through her mind, she went to open her mouth then shut it, thought of the danger thought of her sisters, looked across at the man she loved and slowly shook her head.

He laughed a pleasant undeniable easy laugh. "Don't tell me Phoebe" he said gently. "Its much better I don't know. "

She visibly relaxed "Okay I get it" she said.

She did not respond to the smile. She rose and then sat, as if she needed the movement "What are you Cole?" she asked tightly.

He had waited a long time for her to ask "I'm human" he said very softly so people around did not hear him "I'm not mortal but I am human with a magic soul, much the same as you, except the demon powers I took from the wasteland to create a body, leave me pretty well immortal" he added dryly. "I was a human soul stranded in the wastelands. But because of what I was born that magic soul always had and it seems always will have, a demonic core that can absorb and control demon powers." He hesitated a little, "that's how the Source got me and that's how I got myself out of the wasteland."

"I will tell you something for the future" he said "its not the powers that are the problem. The part I can't control is the need to find powers, demons crave it. Take them away from me and I'll go looking or they'll find me. I know it was stupid to take on the Hollow but I had no idea about the craving for power that my demonic core has. "

Phoebe stared at him, eyes wide very apprehensive.

"Don't look at me like that" he snapped, "I'm telling the truth."

"Do you know how much I want to believe you?" she said

"But that's the rub isn't?" he said with a touch of irony. "You want to believe me but wanting to isn't enough, does not quieten down that little nagging doubt, especially when some-one on the family who you do trust flames it. Leo was wrong Phoebe" Cole said gently "I'm something beyond his experience and understanding and he knows it and he's panicking. "

Cole leant forward to take her hand over the table "All I can do is tell you, you can trust me and hope, pray you and your family will believe and then continue to be trustworthy. "

She gulped a little "I do understand and I so badly want to, need to trust you. But in the past things have happened."

He nodded and asked almost conversationally, "How badly do you want it. I mean" he said "If there was an I know I can trust Cole spell in the Book of Shadows would you use it?"

"You mean a make Cole trustworthy spell" she said smiling a little.

He matched the smile but answered "No, I mean a trust spell that would prove you could trust me would you use it. "

"Wouldn't that be personal gain?" she said.

He nodded "and there would be a backfire."

"What sort of backfire?" she asked.

"You'd know some of the bad stuff, the dark stuff Ihaven't told you." Cole said "Could you handle it?"

"There isn't a spell like that in the Book of Shadows." she said primly "I already know some of the bad stuff, " she added "I just risked humiliation; rejection and pissing you off to get you back knowing the bad stuff."

"Just as well" he smiled "Would you use it if you had one?"

"I don't know" she said. "Because what do you want me to say, I trust you forever, without any doubts. I don't have any now but twice, three times since I've know you you've been dragged into evil even when you did not want to and three times I've felt betrayed and I know it wasn't your intention but it happened. I don't know Cole, I feel I ought to trust you. " She looked into his eyes and was not quite able to read his mood "Lucky I don't have to decide whether to use the spell" she smiled.

He had thought about seriously since the day he had used the spite's power to connect with Darryl he had thought long and hard about it, when he thought of the whole miserable mess of the Source taking him over and no-one even recognising the lies and deceit, all of the family that were supposed to care and understand who he was, barely noticing anything wrong. Taking him on trust while he, while the Source took all that was good in him and used it to ruin the people he loved.

He thought about it because Phoebe trusting him, her family trusting him had nearly destroyed all of them. He thought about it because he needed them to be safe from him. Except she would probably kill him, no she would find a way to torture him for eternity, if she did not stop loving him, which would be eternal torture anyway.

"Ask her if she wanted it, " he told himself "that would be sensible but knowing Phoebe she would freak about using demonic power, and a little voice nagged at him and said do it and let the cards fall. Do it because its better that some-one knows, do it because for the rest of your lives it will hang over you, do it because the most dangerous evil thing you ever did was abusing Phoebe and her family trusting you on faith. And you can make no promises about the future."

The waiter came with their meals and he sat back silently watching Phoebe, taking in her face, every movement.

"Do you love me?" he asked. "I don' mean in love with me or frustrated as hell and wanting sex." She was genuinely horrified he knew about that "but do you love me for ever for life? What you said about always and being together did you mean it?"

"How did you know about the sex bit?" she said.

He laughed, "I do know you Phoebe. Do you love me?"

"Yes" she said simply,

"And the only condition is the not being evil one?" he asked.

She meet his eyes then looked down and slowly nodded her head.

He put the glass that he was holding down. "Are you sure that's the only one?" he asked. "Nothing else, not having to be nice to your family, pretend I like Piper, not get mad when Leo preaches, not bitch, do as you tell me, whenever you want me. Never get mad at you. Nothing like that?" he pressed.

"No" Cole she said getting angry "that was always the only one."

"Could you handle the dark side of me knowing about it?" he asked.

"I told you I do know your dark side." she said her voice getting sharper at every word.

"Even the little bit you know. It freaks you." he said very quietly.

"Only because I understand it. " she whispered.

He sighed.

"Are you trying to tell me there is some dark side I need to know about?" she said panicking "Are you really evil?"

He looked her in the eyes, shut his eyes and concentrated for a second and then he reached for her aura. He felt everything of her, how much she loved him, how much she feared what he could do to her and lead her to, all the conflict and confusion.

A second or two later her opened his eyes and said, "No I'm not evil."

He knew she felt something, because her face twisted a little as if she felt the impact of who he was and then softened. And he gave her the power over him. He could no longer break the connection.

"What the hell did you do?" Phoebe said angrily suddenly horribly aware that he had changed something.

"A trust Cole spell." he said because he could no longer lie to her. ""Sort of, my version."

"Take it off." she ordered him.

"Can't." he said happily "You can."

"How?" she hissed.

"Stop loving me." he said smugly.

"Bastard" she snarled at him, as people around started top stare. "Couldn't you have asked" she bit out between her teeth.

"You'd have said no." he replied.

"You always do that just act without asking without thinking where it could lead." she said in fury.

"Oh I thought." he said.

"I need to get out of here." she snapped standing up.

"Running, Pheobe?" he asked.

"No you're coming with me and you're paying too." she stormed standing up and walking off.

She stood up and stalked off then turned at him "Leo is right." she snapped loudly "you are a reckless bastard." as several people stared at them.

"What do you want to do?" he asked after paying the bill while a furious Phoebe stalked up and down outside the restaurant.

"Kill you." she snapped then caught his face "Stop worrying Cole. I promised nothing would keep me away from you tonight and it won't". She looked at him pensively "I didn't promise I wouldn't go out of my way to make you miserable though. "

"Want to walk?" he asked "Over the bridge. " He drove down to the bridge and parked the car and Phoebe was quiet all the way as they went to get out she said flat voiced "I hate you at times."

"No you don't" he answered almost surprised at the moment that she didn't because the most overwhelming emotion coming from her was relief.

They walked over the bridge and stood in the middle staring over the harbour.

"I love the view from here." Cole told her. "It helps makes sense of things. I come out here a lot just to .. find me and some peace. "

He turned to her. "Don't you want to know what I did? "

"Was it evil?" she asked.

"No" he answered and she knew he wasn't lying.

"Are you evil?" she asked.

"No" he answered seriously, looking down at her.

"Are you good?" she asked carefully.

"I'm trying damned hard to be." he said.

Standing on the walkway in the middle of the harbour bridge looking at the lights of the harbour and buildings, feeling the wind and the sea smell Cole leaned on the rail and did not look at Phoebe. Finally he said "Phoebe I can't lie to you so what I'm telling you is the truth but because I can't lie to you what I'm telling you isn't the whole truth. Its not just my secret. "he added quietly "My father's heritage was my humanity, but my mother's was demonic and the two couldn't merge so I became the some of my parts. He was a good man my father and that is what I inherited from him, that and his magic and the right to a human soul. You know what I got from my mother. I thought the demon heritage was the strongest" he added. Phoebe showed no response so he continued "but you said you fell in love with the good man you saw in me. I found that part of me because of you and it seems that is the strongest part because its still going when all the rest is gone. "

He turned to look down at her. "I had a human soul a good magical one in a demon world Phoebe. If they had known that it was my death warrant. I learned to protect myself in ways I won't tell you but before I could protect myself and even after other.. creatures protected me at a cost and I owe them and I need to protect them. "

"What sort of creatures?" she asked relenting.

"Creatures the Charmed Ones and the side of goodness and light may not consider should be protected. That's the problem, the good part of me knows what it owes those creatures you would call evil. So I hide the magical heritage. Usually." He winced a little "Leo damn him had a point I was reckless this morning. I let him push me into saying something I shouldn't. Tell Leo to shut up about it will you" he asked a little apprehensive of her reaction. "

"Maybe you should tell him." Phoebe answered carefully.

"I might not stop at shut up" Cole said ruefully.

"That's between you and Leo." Phoebe said firmly. She took a deep breath "What's the magic Cole?"

"Nothing much" he said "My father was a low level empath, I gather. Me I can just sense things, and I have to work hard to do it. If I was mortal, just human I'd have some small psychic ability and nothing more."

She turned to look at the view, leaning against the rail, Cole put his arm on the rail beside her so she was caught between him and the rail, and she snuggled closer

After a few minutes she giggled a little and asked "And does trying to be good include making nice with my family"

He took a deep breath and said "Yes." He did not have a hope of missing the elbow she sunk into him.

Phoebe turned to reach up and kiss him "Lying bastard" she said against his lips. 

  
**.........................................................**


	20. Chapter 20

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 3:Keeping it in the Family

Chapter 20

  


They went back to the hotel, easier and more comfortable, than they had been the night before. Phoebe spent most of the drive back to the hotel impressing on Cole how she was totally pissed at him, but even that was safe. He said he was sorry three times and she knew perfectly well he did not mean it. She wondered quizzically if she would ever convince him, not to believe he always knew best. She doubted it.

This time it was Cole who wanted sex badly and did not wait to ask or seduce. Phoebe gave way to his tension and passion and somewhere in the wildness and crazy thrill was aware she was touching a darkness in him that she had never touched before. It wasn't evil and it left her more exited than anything she had felt with him.

Afterward they lay on the bed naked, both quiet but it was peaceful, comfortable, safe.

"What you thinking?" Cole asked.

"Don't you know?" she snarked.

"You really are pissed at me aren't you?" he said sighing.

"Yeah" she said happily "Why were you thinking you could get away with being an arsehole?"

"I'm not." he said and was not lying.

"Good" she said turning and snuggling up to him. "Still pinching yourself. Can't believe its happened?" she asked smugly "You just made me break a promise to myself" she said.

"What?" he asked.

"I promised myself I wasn't ever going to fuck you again and look what you just made me do." she pouted.

"Yeah well Saturday night ago I promised myself I was going to get out of the past find a future. " He smiled "Go to New York, live as a human, have a life away from you" he answered.

"New York" she said I ran away to there once."

"I know." he said.

"That was stupid" she added. "I came back. You would have only had to come back" she added confidently.

"I know" he said.

"Anyway you are keeping the promise" she said "You are going to having a future, just with me not without. "

He was quiet for a little while then said "What sort of future is it Phoebe?"

She looked up and smiled shyly but shook her head. "I'm not sure." she said. She thought "That's the trouble when all your future depended on winning one thing, having a life, a future, future was a word without a real meaning. "

Phoebe woke up at dawn. She was lying on her back and Cole was on his side His face buried into her neck and one leg over hers and arm across her, almost pining he down as if he thought she would run, if he did not hold her there. She had to prove it, she moved a little and his am tightened across. He had a case to think she might run and then she smiled ruefully he also had an answer. The times she had run from him and he stopped her, found a way to keep her, even if it was to get himself into her memory and her feelings and heart so she only felt half alive without him.

Fated together, her hold on the deeper recesses of her soul so tied to his. She wriggled a little to move so she could look at his face as he slept. When he slept she saw something that never showed when he was awake and laughing or exasperated or angry. His face showed the care of the 120 years he had lived; the hardness of his life was a shadow that made him look wilder, older; something ,some one outside her world but in spite of the age weariness that showed, as she looked and tried hard to see something else, as she felt his breath evenly on her shoulder all she could see in his face was the good man she loved.

After half an hour just watching him she wriggled out from under him. He woke and muttered "Where are you going?"

"Bathroom." she said.

"Coming back?" he asked only half joking.

"No" she said "I'm climbing out the 10-storey window and parasailing down the wall. " He sent her on her way with harder smack across her bottom than she thought necessary.

She glared at him over her shoulder but when she came he was well awake, resting on his arm. She slide in beside him and they had a short wrestling match while he caught her hands either side of her head and he caught her lip in his and then teased and played as she wrapped her legs tightly around him. The sort of sex you had with some when you felt very safe.

Cole was once again late getting to work. Francesca gave him a fishy stare

"I've come to the conclusion you're more erratic when you're happy than when you're unhappy." she told Cole.

He just laughed and said "You can't ruin my day. "

She handed him some messages, one each from Jackman and Carter each asking why the Rodriguez case had not gone away yet and one from the DA's office asking to be contacted about Rodriguez

"That's the one I've been waiting for" Cole said happily.

"You worry me when you enjoy your work" Francesca told him "You only ever enjoy it when you think you are being very smart."

He dialled the number and worked his way through a conversation where the ADA who made an offer that if Rodriquez was willing to plead guilty and testify against his boss, they would not ask for gaol time.

"It's a good offer" the ADA said "it will make the case go right away for the kid?"

He had barely put the phone down when Francesca said that the partners wanted to see him.

"You had better come to keep me behaving myself" he told Francesca. Cole followed by Francesca went over to Jackman's office where he was not even offered a seat. They asked him very bluntly why the case was taking to long to go away.

"These things take time." Cole answered very politely

"Well they shouldn't" Jackman snapped. "You need to fix this and fix it fast. "

"Had any offers?" Carter asked, sitting on the sofa in Jackman's office, making himself at home, Cole turned very slowly to him and said he had just had one but he knew Rodriguez would not accept it.

"Talk some sense into him." Carter recommended bluntly.

"He does not want to plead to something he isn't guilty of. "Cole replied meekly. Francesca thought he was overdoing it.

"Talk down to no contest." Carter insisted.

"I doubt he'll do it." Cole answered politely while Jackman snapped at him, "You can talk them down in other cases, find a way to do it this time. "

"We need to make sure Reynolds understands the choices" Carter said.

"It isn't Reynolds case." Cole said and this time he wasn't as polite.

"Make it go away." both partners said. Cole turned to leave.

Carter stopped him "How's your marriage?" he asked.

"Over." Cole answered pleasantly

"That wasn't a reconciliation I saw the other night?" Carter pushed. "Your wife is a very attractive woman" 

"Is she?" Cole answered surprised to find Francesca had lightly touched the back of his hand. "Phoebe's not a girl to fool around with" he said, "Trust me"

Jackman leaned forward "I'll give you some advice young man" he said. "Get your life together professionally and personally. "

"You really need to look at your options for the future" Carter added.

Cole nodded as he turned out of the office and back to his own Francesca followed.

"That in case you don't know it was a threat" Francesca told him.

"I don't have to be um empathic to know that." Cole answered not very flustered.

"Are you going to tell me what that was all about? " She said.

"Hmm" Cole answered "Are you sure you want to know?"

Francesca nodded. Cole sat down on her visitor's chair. "That was about Jackman's being a sanctimonious prig and Carter making me an offer I um at least he thinks I can't refuse. One to be friendly with some very bad people he knows, to make the case going away."

"Can you refuse it?" Francesca asked quietly.

"Yeah" Cole answered leaning back. "The case is about to go away but not the way they expect it. "

And what exactly is the case?" Francesca asked.

"The short version." Cole asked as she nodded. "Tom Reynolds used his shipping company to import things that he never pays excise or duty on, but he stays away from some hard drugs, or even soft ones. Some very bad people want to use his system to bring in some very bad items, the addictive sort. They got some crooked customs officers to plant some on the ship, on Rodriguez but made sure an honest officer found them. Then they got Carter who does quite a bit of their dirty work to make Reynolds an offer where the case could go away. Reynolds knows the bad boys are dealing but he does not suspect this lawyer of being with the bad boys. The case is handed over to a junior partner in the firm who has so many problems they can put pressure on him to fix it. So much pressure, he'll do anything to fix it including talk Rodriguez intro pleading guilty to something he didn't do, and incriminating Reynolds in drug smuggling, to keep out of gaol. Although I wouldn't give much for Eddie Rodriguez chances of survival afterwards. Then the bad guys get to Reynolds and really talk about making the case go away, if he makes his resources available. But you guessed most of that didn't you?" Cole smiled.

Francesca acknowledged that by putting her head on the side. "And the pressure on you?" she asked.

"You may have noticed that I don't give stuff about the expectations of Messrs Jackman, Carter and Kline." Cole answered happily.

"I noticed." Francesca said "And you can make it go away." she added.

"Yes" Cole said "I just need to find a way that the bad boys don't extract some vengeance on some of the not so innocents, much as it tempts me to let them. Maybe I should let Carter try his luck with Phoebe too? That would learn him"

Francesca did not find the idea as amusing as Cole did. "And you" Francesca said "What happens to you in all this?"

"Oh me" said Cole "I keep my job and get the girl."

"And why do you care if you keep your job?" Francesca asked. "Is it really worth, the.. all the garbage just to help an innocent person"

Sometimes the choices of a lifetime sneak up without any warning. Francesca watched Cole intently. He hesitated a couple of seconds "Yes" he answered with only a hint of a smile. 

**.........................................................**


	21. Chapter 21

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 3:Keeping it in the Family

Chapter 21

Cole went back into his office, and started to work then thought better of it and rang Phoebe

"What do you want?" she asked dreamily.

"You" he answered "Fancy leaving work early and going up the coast with me?"

"Not Paris?" she asked.

"Next week." he promised.

"Okay "she said happily and put the phone down.

Then she picked up the phone and dialled Cole's number "Love you" she said and hung up.

He dialled back and as Phoebe answered said "Francesca, oops Mrs Rinaldi just gave me your message"

"What?" screeched Phoebe in his ear.

"Just teasing" he added "Love you" and hung up the phone.

They kept it up for about 10 minutes until Francesca stalked into his office and told him to get off the phone he had a visitor, "a Miss Matthews who says she's your sister in law. " she said expressionlessly.

"Paige is there" said Phoebe in his ear.

"Bye" he said quickly and hung up.

"I need to talk to you" Paige announced sharply at Cole and stalked straight past Francesca into his office. She was very casually dressed in running pants, and crop top and hair in pigtails, she was not carrying a bag and Cole could only guess she had orbed from somewhere.

"Alone" she said eying Francesca off. Francesca made a tusk tusk noise while Cole raised his eyebrows as she walked out with slow dignity. Cole had barely shut the door when Paige spun around demanding "Cole I need your help. "

"Paige" he said as gently as he could "if its witch stuff I can't help you. I tried to explain the things I can do the other day but…"

"Shut up" she interrupted him "I need some help with magic" she said then she gulped a little "I think I stuffed something up" she said awkwardly. "Piper will kill me" she added.

"Piper won't kill you" he said.

"She'll make me wish she had" Paige said.

He grinned "What did you stuff up?" he asked.

Paige started to pace not quite able to look him in the face. "You know last Saturday at your place."

"I remember" he said sitting on the edge of his desk arms crossed watching her with amusement.

"Well when we could not orb in you said you had some magic protection against it. I thought that would be a good idea. " paige told him nervously.

"Paige you didn't." he sighed.

"And" she continued in a hurry "I went over to your place and checked it out." She saw his expression "Well you wouldn't have known if I hadn't told." she added defiantly. "Well you don't use spells so I figured it was some power I could duplicate. I thought it might help, you know we can put a spell on Melinda to protect her from magic but that means we can't use magic around her and I thought... "

"Paige" he interrupted "That protection is to stop magic not orbing. You can't use magic in the apartment without getting the protection off. I have to take it off to shimmer"

"I know now" she answered irritably "I worked out what you did, using telekinesis and deflecting it with mirrors. So I found a potion that duplicates the power and I did it at the manor, only now I can't use magic at the manor."

"And you can't get it off." Cole finished for her. "Paige have you any idea how powerful you have to be to turn that off?"

"Well obviously you have to be more powerful than me." she snarled.

"Why did you have to invent such a thing?" she demanded of Cole who was left shaking his head wondering how he was always to blame for Halliwell problems.

"Because I got sick of my in laws arriving unexpectedly trying to blow me up." he answered more than a little annoyed. He caught Paige's angry expression. "I got sick of witches and warlocks scrying for power and homing in on me. I have a bar in here too."

"Isn't that dangerous not be able to use magic?" Paige asked.

In exasperation Cole muttered "I can turn it off. "

"Well you'd better come to the manor and turn it off before Piper or Leo get back" Paige ordered but she was getting upset. Come on." she said grabbing his coat sleeve and opening the door.

"I have to go." Cole said unnecessarily to Francesca as Paige dragged him out. Francesca noted once again he did not take his car keys.

"We better find a storeroom like superman's to shimmer and orb out." Paige giggled

"What in the hell are you talking about." Cole said, as Paige pulled him into an empty elevator. He shimmered off almost immediately and left her to follow him.

She had done a good job on the manor because he could not shimmer within twenty yards of the house. He hoped to god Mrs Taylor the neighbourhood busybody was not watching, but he did notice a curtain move opposite at her house.

Paige orbed in beside him, "Thank god." she said Piper's not home, "Hurry up." she said dragging Cole toward the house. 'The neighbours" he started to say 

But she said "Damn the neighbours hurry."

She dragged him into the manor and into the conservatory. Cole did not have any doubts that she had worked some strong magic in the house because he could feel the effect crushing him.

"You're right" he said to Paige "Piper will kill you. This is about 10 times stronger than I use. "

Paige was looking very miserable enough to make Cole laugh.

"You won't tell Piper" she asked. Cole not even bothering to hide his amusement promised.

She pointed out a set up she had done She had used a chandelier lamp with hanging crystals in front of one of the family antique mirrors. Cole recognised the lamp as a wedding present from the staff at P3 "What did you do?" he asked.

"Used telekinesis potion and spell on the lamp and then put a deflection spell on the mirror and joined them" Paige said. "That what you do isn't it?" Use a mirror to deflect it, isn't that what you did at the apartment. ?"

He nodded "But I make sure the damn thing is a lot less powerful than me. "

"Can you fix it?" Paige asked.

"Sort of" he said "Open those doors" he said indicating the outside ones. Paige did so and he picked up the mirror. As soon as he touched it, sparks and lightning went off, but he managed to get it outside with the power still scorching at him and to raise enough of his lightning power to shatter the mirror and then fireballed it in to powder.

He turned around, his hair on end and scorch marks all over his cloths. Paige screamed at him "You broke Jemima's mirror."

"Yeah well I'm about to break Piper's lamp." he said and walked past her and fireballed the crystal lamp. It shuddered and he sent in another one and it finally disintegrated in a satisfactory explosion of coloured light and scorch marks.

Paige looked at the resulting mess of glass and scorched room and screamed even louder "You blew up Piper's lamp. She'll kill me. Look at the damned mess you made."

Cole sighed and waved his hand. The scorch marks and room cleaned up. "Can't help you with the lamp and mirror ."he said with a wry smile.

"Just remind me not to ask your help again." Paige snapped

"I will" he said seriously.

"Don't be an idiot Cole" Paige snapped at him.

"I better go" he said

"Yes do that" Paige answered, then, added not very graciously as she surveyed the powdered wreck of Piper's lamp "If ever I can return the favour".

Cole went to shimmer off and then stopped with a glimmer of a smile "Actually" he said.

"What?" Paige asked suspiciously.

"There is something you could do" Cole grinned.

"What?" said Paige even more suspiciously.

"That protection spell you use for the baby." Cole asked "Is it just for magic, can you make for anything else?"

"Yes" said Paige really worried and doubtful.

"Could you use it to protect some one against being murdered, more or less on permanent basis? " Cole asked.

"Yes" Paige answerd

"I'll call you" Cole said and just before he shimmered off he winced and said "Another favour. Can you tell Leo to call me?" and it cost him to ask.

Paige stood in the conservatory and glared at the powdered lamp. "I'll just tell Piper a demon did it "she said out loud and then sucked her lip nervously

Cole returned to his apartment and changed the seriously singed suit. When he returned to work Francesca noticed the change but chose to raise an eyebrow and asked "Did you solve Miss Matthews's problem?"

Yes But I don't think she to happy about it." Cole answered, but then suddenly grinned "God I love Phoebe's family." he said. He went into his office and called Phoebe.

"What did Paige want?" Phoebe asked obviously worried.

Cole grinned "I'm not supposed to tell you."

"Why not?" Phoebe asked getting really worried.

"Oh hell" he said "I only promised I wouldn't tell Piper" and told her what happened.

"You blew up Jemima's mirror" Phoebe screamed at him. "That mirror made it from Virginia in a covered wagon. I am so pissed at you" she said and hung up.

He looked up to see Francesca at the door "God I love Phoebe's family" he said again "Even the dead one's make my life hell."

"Your father in law is here" Francesca said rolling her eyes. Cole shut his eyes and opened them again as Victor appeared behind Francesca, she ushered him in and a smile on her face that Cole could only describe as wicked.

"Hello Victor" Cole said finding his usual seat on the edge of the desk.

Victor was not happy "Let me get right to the point" he said

"Please do." Cole answered as pleasantly as he could.

"I spoke to Phoebe this morning" Victor said standing straight opposite Cole, determined to hold his position.

Cole decided attack was the best from of defence "So did I." he said.

"What sort of magic did you use on my daughter to keep her so besotted with you?" Victor asked ignoring the response.

"Magic?" Cole answered dryly "None. Just the charm of my personality. "

"I came to warn you" Victor said "that if you hurt Phoebe again I will find a way to get you, if it takes every piece of dark magic I can get hold of.."

"Victor" Cole interrupted.

"Cole I mean it" Victor said "My daughter has had enough pain in her life from men who are supposed to look after her. Its not going to happen again."

"Men in her life hurting her" Cole said bluntly "including fathers?"

"I'm doing everything I can to make that up to her." Victor snapped.

"Then we understand each other don't we." Cole answered pleasantly

"You. Had. Better. Cole" Victor said stressing every word, then he sighed "When she called me and told me you two were back together this morning. Its just about ... You're dangerous for her Cole.."

"Victor I." Cole stood up and threw his hands in the air and turned away for a second. He took a deep breath to regain control and turned back. Very quietly, dangerously quiet he said "There's danger everywhere Victor, Sometimes the only way to win, is to face the danger. " He softened "Phoebe knows that Victor."

"I love my daughter." Victor said almost defensively.

"So do I." said Cole Victor "When was the last time you saw her happy?"

Victor winced "When she was with you." he answered.

"She's been happy the last couple of days." Cole said.

Victor nodded and swallowed "Don't hurt her." he repeated.

"I don't intend to." Cole answered Victor he said in a different tone, as he gave way to temptation "What did Phoebe tell you she meant by together?"

Victor did not miss his concern, almost happily he answered "She just said you two were together, a couple again."

"That's more than she told me." Cole said in such a tone that Victor almost felt sorry for him "Screwing you around badly is she?" he asked Cole. 

Cole nodded and opened the office door for Victor. As Victor went out and regardless of Francesca sitting at her desk he turned and said "Which dead relative is making your life hell ?"

Cole glanced toward Francesca who watched without bothering to hide her interest. "I smashed Jemima's mirror."

"Hmm" Victor said considering it "I guess if that is the only dead relative you have a problem with you should consider yourself lucky. "

Victor did not miss the fact that Cole visibly paled.

Cole had barely returned to his office and sat at his desk when Francesca came in to tell him his brother in law wanted to see him. She did not say ex this time. Francesca was having an entertaining day.

Leo was waiting looking decidedly suspicious. Francesca waved him in while Cole stood up and came around his desk.

"Paige said you left a message for me" Leo said.

"Thanks for coming." Cole said purchasing himself on the desk again and having to hold on to the edge to stop himself protectively folding his arms.

Leo observed him carefully "What do you want Cole?" he said.

Cole took a deep breath and plunged in "I need to ask you a favour. A big one?" he added

When Leo did not answer Cole pressed "Something I said yesterday. I need you to forget. "

"I've forgotten most of what you said." Leo answered smugly.

"Well there are some things I would prefer you remember." Cole retorted before he could stop himself.

Leo just looked at Cole

"I would be very obliged if what I said about the magic soul, my magic human soul stayed in this office." Cole asked as contritely as he could.

"Why?" Leo asked bluntly.

"I suppose me asking isn't enough reason." Cole said and answered his own question "No. Because Leo" he pushed on, "its not just my secret and that is all I can say. The reason I am asking is good."

"And if I say no?" Leo asked.

Cole shook his head "Then I think then I will have to protect the secret." he said regretfully. "Leo I'm really getting to begging here. I don't want to do the wrong thing for all the right reasons. And if you tell my little secret to Elders or others then, I may just have to. "

Leo was very quiet, not missing at all the battle Cole was having with himself not to explode, nor the novelty of having Cole begging for something.

Finally he relented "Well we wouldn't want that to happen would we" Leo said "I did tell Phoebe and Piper just so you know. But I guess we can keep it in the family." he said

Cole nodded "That's okay Leo. I... Thank you." was all Cole could say in the end as he realised Leo was agreeing.

"You're a fool Cole." Leo said "What happens the next time you let some-one goad you into saying it?"

"No-one has been able to for over a hundred years." Cole answered defensively "You all, Phoebe, your family . You all push."

"You're an idiot Cole" Leo repeated.

Leo turned again to go and Cole said "Leo thanks" and held out his hand. Leo looked at it and for a second Cole thought he was going to refuse to shake hands but he turned back and took Cole's hand.

Francesca watched Leo go "Any more in-laws I should know about?" she asked.

"Phoebe has another sister." Cole answered distractedly then he came back to where he was "Well two sisters but one's dead. "

"Then I don't suppose she'll be visiting." Francesca said conversationally.

"Not likely" Cole said, then he grinned "but if some-one comes in, about 30 so high and he put his hand half way up his chest really pretty, black hair, green eyes and a mole there he pointed at his cheek, with a real bad ass attitude, hit the buzzer and run because I'll be out of here so fast you won't even know how I did it. "

"I wouldn't bet on that Francesca answered. 

  
**.........................................................**


	22. Chapter 22

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 3:Keeping it in the Family

Chapter 22

When Phoebe told Piper and Paige she was spending a weekend with the unnamed man who she said was very important to her, Piper, already in a temper from arriving home and seeing the supposed demon damage done to the mirror and lamp, was furious with her and made it very clear it was not the weekend away but the rush into committing that was angering her.

Piper could not resist getting in another crack about the damage to the mirror. Paige waited ready to get angry in self defence because Phoebe had a great affection for Jemima's mirror but Phoebe ignored the news it was broken and went on to furiously telling Piper she had a right to a life. When Piper had yelled herself out, Phoebe in a high temper bounced herself upstairs to pack and Piper was not mollified when Paige wondered out loud why Phoebe was not upset about the mirror

"To busy being besotted about this, this man." Piper snarled "and don't think you're off the hook Missy" she added to Paige.

Cole picked Phoebe up at the manor stopping a few houses down. When she went outside to retrieve a jacket from her car Mrs Taylor took great delight in passing on to Piper that Phoebe had run out and jumped into a new green Mercedes.

Piper was tempted to call Darryl and ask him to run a check on the car. Leo had to be very firm to stop her.

The trip to the small bed and breakfast about an hour north of San Francisco that Cole, had booked, was strained because Cole immediately demanded to know why Phoebe had told Victor they were together without warning him. "Because he's my father" she said "and we talk to each other. "

"One hurdle down" she thought to herself.

"And are you going to tell me before you tell the rest of the family?" Cole demanded.

"Maybe" Phoebe said. Because she knew as soon as she brought up the subject of dealing with her family the romance was over and they would have to face some very hard facts. She avoided the subject by demanding to know whether Cole thought she was having second thoughts and he said he thought about 4th or 5th by that stage.

"What do you mean?" she asked, indignant.

" I know you." he said. "Two steps forward and one back?" he said.

"Better than the other way" she answered with the expression of some one who thought she had won the argument. Cole sensed the emotion coming from Phoebe was one of feeling in control and he was so annoyed he refused to talk the rest of the way.

Phoebe stayed in the car while Cole paid for the room, a really lovely top floor room with a view of the Pacific and a big comfortable brass bed. Phoebe stalked in ahead of Cole.

"I'm tired" she announced and disappeared into the bathroom, to get ready for bed out of his sight, and finally returned wearing pink pyjamas with blue kitten pattern. She brought the pyjamas because in his demon days when Cole had shimmered in unexpectedly he had liked to find her in pyjamas. He liked to rip them off. She insisted that if he was going to sleep with her he was going to shower and shave. When he returned she was lying on the side of the bed nearest the door. Cole did not have a thing about which side of the bed he slept on. He just liked it to be on the one nearest the door. She looked up at him with a smug expression. He bent down picked her up and dumped her none to gently on the other side of the bed.

Phoebe was intensely annoyed. To the point where she turned her back on him, getting as far away from Cole as possible. Only he was better at that game than she was and just waited, lying on his back not to concerned. She finally gave in rolled over and flung herself on him wrestling and fighting as hard as she could. He may have been stronger than her, but as she knew where he was ticklish, it did not take that long for her to get him to say she had every right to tell her family what she wanted then she hit him for lying.

They drove north the next day, stopped at two small town markets while Phoebe shopped, at small café and, for reasons because it was fun to do bickered over who would pay for each bill, and meal. Cole usually won because if he got hold of Phoebe's card, Phoebe did not have a hope of reaching it above his head. She did win on one occasion when she checked to see no-one was watching and levitated up and took it from his hand. They fell onto a fairly stupid argument about the risks of magic in public. Cole who was stuck using male logic did not have a hope of winning the argument so he did the next best thing and sulked for half an hour; they enjoyed making up.

They stayed in another bed and breakfast, by the ocean, had a meal at a local cafe and wandered along the beach at dusk, alone watching the water lap on the shore. Cole picked Phoebe up playing with her threatening to drop her in the water so she had to clutch at his hair and collar She manage to wriggle free and ran and he chased her until he caught her and lifted her to kiss her. They wandered back toward the bed and breakfast, stopped as it got dark and sat on the beach and watched the water.

It was getting cool and Phoebe sat in front of Cole leaning back so he wrapped his arms and jacket around her. He held her tight against him and she could feel the warmth of his body through his shirt. They watched the final sunset. Cole went very quiet Phoebe sighed and snuggled into him that's beautiful she whispered half turning to put her hand on his face and found it suspiciously wet. She felt the smile more than saw it.

Awkward, a little shy he said softly "Something I just used to think I wanted to share with you. Didn't think I ever would. Beach sunsets." he said "I've seen a lot of beaches over the last months. By myself ."

Phoebe twisted against him and kissed him softy caring, beyond passion, sharing joining, aware only of each other and the faint noise of the waves and the smell of sea air.

The mood got lost a little back at their b &b when Piper rang she said just to see if Phoebe was oka, confirming to Phoebe the level of concern and suspicion she had about the new boyfriend. "Where is he?" Piper demanded.

"Lying on the bed pretending he isn't listening to what I'm talking about." Phoebe said which was only half true Cole was lying on the bed naked and pulling stupid faces trying to make her laugh. As he nearly succeeded Phoebe threw the nearest objet she could lay her hands on at home, fortunately only her shoe that he caught easily. Piper aware of some distraction, snarkily reminded Phoebe to be home for Sunday family supper, which Phoebe agreed to. "I have to be home by seven for supper." she said Cole waited half hoping, half dreading an invitation to join her. Nothing came. He sighed. "What's wrong?" Phoebe asked. 

"Nothing" he said.

"Stop lying." she snapped.

They played, had some more sex, Phoebe told Cole she felt safe with him and he was a little offended. She tried to explain it was the safety of not being frightened of being loved, of being wanted rather than taken, and he was slightly mollified but after that seemed to take a demonic enjoyment in making the whole thing as adventurous as he could coax her into. Then they spent rest of the night fighting over the remote to see who could find the stupidest early morning TV show. Phoebe won because she had a lot more experience at finding TV shows than Cole had and she already knew just how bad Dennis the Menace was. They slept late had more sex, and a very late breakfast, found another market where Phoebe spent ages buying clothes, second hand clothes that made Cole raise his eyebrows, and presents for Leo and her sisters and Melinda. Cole secretly regretted he would not be around to see Piper's face when Phoebe gave her the bright purple jumpsuit with large green and yellow and pink balloons she bought for Melinda.

She made him carry the parcels and he grizzled and then she complained when he spent time searching for old books. They drove back, ate a very late lunch at a seafood restaurant half way back to San Francisco and spent some more time on a beach before Cole dropped Phoebe at Prescott street a few minutes before seven. He stopped the car just out of sight of the manor but not out of sight of the neighbours and bent over to Phoebe for one more kiss.

Cole pulled away finally, Phoebe with her hand on his face still, he sighed. "This reminds me of when I was courting you 3 years ago." Cole said as she pretended to struggle to get out of the car, while he kept hold of her wrist.

"You weren't courting me, you were seducing me for the purposes of evil." Phoebe whispered primly.

"Says you." he retorted.

Another kiss and Phoebe managed to fight he way out of the car and Cole sat there watching her go. She turned to blow him one more kiss and he drove off. He went back top his very empty apartment. Could not stand it, went to a movie and walked out half way though, found a bar, had two drinks and went back to the apartment an spent half the night writing water tight contracts for a pre nuptial for a very rich client.

Phoebe went in and found her sisters ready to be angry with her for being late and annoyed she wasn't. Neither Paige sitting primly on a chair on the parlour reading books on herbal remedies and drinking colas, Piper breast feeding Melinda or Leo setting the table missed that she had no makeup, her lips were swollen, her eyes glowing, her hair was a mess and her clothes looked like they had been pulled on and off several times and she had a liberal amount of sand sticking to the sunscreen on her back. Phoebe put her presents on the hall table and ran upstairs to shower while Piper took her daughter to be the nursery and Paige got the meal ready.

Her family faced with a dreamy, sexually sated very happy Phoebe mooning over her food at supper could get any more answers than she had a really nice time and a big sigh. Even when Leo trying to bring her back to reality asked her if Cole knew about the new boyfriend, in an effort to make her realise the consequences she only replied "He knows and he's okay with it."

Piper muttered, "This is so much trouble. What ever comes out of this is trouble. " And knew that part of the trouble was going to be her own quite unrealistic guilt over what Cole had done for her

"Aren't you worried about this?" she said to Paige while they cleared the table "You really believe Cole is okay with this?"

"I'm praying he's not okay with it." Paige answered.

Phoebe went to bed fairly early but woke with her cell phone ringing, at 2 a.m

"What are you doing?" Cole asked.

"Sleeping" she said happily.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Not sleeping." he said

"I miss you." she said

"Really" he said "want me to shimmer over?"

"No" she answered regretfully "Piper would know."

"I hate sleeping alone" Phoebe said.

"Sleeping or no sex." Cole said teasing.

"I've decided I'm only ever going to have sex with somebody I love; it's really boring otherwise." she whispered confidentially.

"I'm glad" he said seriously.

"I did tell I love you" she sighed "damn it"

"You sound like you resent it" he said a little hurt.

"I do a bit" she said "it would be so much easier if you were just a nice normal person who was only worried about whether you could support me and keep me happy and whether I really cared and if my family liked you."

"I worry about those things." he said lying back in the bed and pretending she was lying beside him. "Any way." he said "That guy would just freak out when he found out you were a witch, be scared of your family, worry and bitch when you fought demons and hate it when you ordered him around."

"You do that." Phoebe said.

"See I am everything you ever wanted in a man." Cole said.

"I know" Phoebe said "I do love you. I mean love you, not just….. I care about you Cole" and then she smiled to herself "I like you, you know ."

"I know" he said "honey I really do. "

They ended the call with sweet words leaving him to think wryly of the rocky road ahead and softly of the image of the girl he loved, difficult, demanding, loyal, obsessed and honest, intense, caring, annoying, loving. Her to think of this strange magic creature she loved. He wasn't perfect, but the image of those beautiful blue eyes, the intensity and courage of him, the caring, the fidelity, the compassion, the bitching, the fear, the danger, the reckless, passionate nature. He wasn't perfect but what she had was good. And if he wasn't perfect and the darker side of him intensely frightened her, it also attracted her and besides she wasn't going to get any better and she had no idea how any one else could.

  
**.........................................................**


	23. Chapter 23

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 3:Keeping it in the Family

Chapter 23

Phoebe woke up at 8 and the first thing she did was dial Cole. She decided that she hated, just hated sleeping alone. The bed was big, the room was empty.

"Morning" she said breathily as soon as he answered.

"Morning" he breathed as slowly.

"Miss me?" she asked.

"Like hell" he answered.

"Good" she said.

"Where are you?" she asked as if it was the most important thing in the world.

"Having breakfast." he said as if it was too.

"Where?" she asked.

"Café" he answered "3 doors down from where I work. "

"Not high cholesterol stuff like bacon and eggs and hash browns " Phoebe pushed.

"Can't hurt me." he said. 

"You can be awfully miserable and not dead." Phoebe answered seriously

"Pancakes" he said.

"Wheat germ?" she asked.

"No" he said "white flour, lots of butter. "

"You have no idea how to eat healthy" she told Cole severely.

They talked a little while and Cole finally cut off the call wondering why a little over a week ago that school ma'm voice had made him slam a phone down on her. All it did at the moment was make the desire to shimmer over to her almost impossible to resist.

Phoebe went downstairs and broke the news to Piper and Paige that she was spending another night with the new boyfriend. The news was greeted by dish banging from Piper who was washing up and blatant curiosity from Paige for a few seconds before Paige dismissed Phoebe's carefully connected explanations about the new boyfriend and said she had a new boyfriend herself, a professor she had met at the college library researching books about folklore.

"You know him Phoebe" Paige said.

"I do?" said Phoebe

"Yes" said Paige "he' s an expert on demons and mythology.

Piper with her back to the other sisters interrupted "He's that creepy demonologist guy who gave us the information on warlock coven last year"

"He's married" Phoebe said.

"Separated" said Paige?"

"Maybe" said Piper her voice tight.

Phoebe and Paige both suddenly remembered they were in a hurry to be somewhere else.

Leo orbed in an hour later and received the full force on Piper's views about her sister inability to develop healthy relationships.

"I'll say one thing for Cole" Piper said.

"What?" said Leo stunned.

"At least you knew what Phoebe was up to when she was with him "It was all about just keeping Cole." Piper said.

**……………………………………………………… **

Cole called Paige that morning. He had thought of asking Phoebe for the protection spell and decided things were complicated enough, and they had enough issues without that one. Paige was not all that pleased to hear from him and even less pleased when he said he wanted to get her to do the protection spell.

She was so reluctant Cole was really glad he was not trying to argue it out with Phoebe, and without thinking offered to take Paige to lunch to explain what he wanted her to do. It was only when she very awkwardly and uncomfortably agreed he realised that even though he now lived in a world where he was used to being treated as a person, in Halliwell eyes at least he was a freak, pariah, a monster to be excluded.

He hung up the phone shaking his head, wondering what the future would bring with Phoebe's family and how he could keep her when he could not, would not, dared not ask her to make any choices between him and her family.

He picked Paige up in front of the manor. When he got out to open the car door for her, Paige was looking at him as if he had two heads and for a second he thought she was going to refuse to get in the car. But she finally just snorted at him "New car?"

Cole said "No. Its three months old." and Paige snorted again.

Early that morning when Paige had gone out to collect the paper, Mrs Taylor from opposite had been waiting to happily inform her that she had seen Phoebe snuggling up to a man driving a green Mercedes. Paige had less than politely informed Mrs Taylor that Phoebe was a grown up who was allowed to date who she wanted, without anyone interfering but for a whole two hours Paige had suffered a sense of overwhelming relief, because she unlike Piper had no belief what so ever that Phoebe was ready to move on, find another man, or get over Cole. Since the day Paige had come to the family, Phoebe had been totally absorbed by Cole. Paige had never known Phoebe when she wasn't in love with Cole, and she was convinced her sister would never be in love or love any-one else. Paige had seen her dating this year and all she had seen was a girl; trying to pretend an interest that did not exist and then suddenly Phoebe was saying she had a man and it was serious enough to be considering ever afters. Piper may have seen Phoebe through to many romances but Piper was always blind about Phoebe and Cole, blind when things had been wrong and blind to what Phoebe wanted.

As far as Paige was concerned if Phoebe was in love and happy as she appeared to be then it could only mean one man and that was bad news. She knew, as she told Mrs Taylor, that Phoebe could date who she pleased but what she rapidly believed was a probability scared her. As far as she knew Cole still had the Porsche so when Mrs Taylor had told her about the green Mercedes Paige spent a happy two hours believing she was wrong about Phoebe, until she saw the green Mercedes come down the street when her heart hit rock bottom.

She sat herself in the very comfortable seats and glanced around as Cole drove off, and didn't miss that Phoebe's pink afghan was sitting on the small back seat. She choked back a sob and Cole turned asked her if she was all right.

She wanted to scream at him you cheating lying bastard keep away from my sister only god help her she did not have the right, she had helped, made Phoebe save that man, that whatever he was, and Paige knew only to well from her experience that family bitching only made you more determined to stick to bad relationships and if he hurt Phoebe she would find a way to kill him.

Cole accepted her silence; he did not even attempt to make small talk but drove down to the bay to a small rather exclusive restaurant that Paige had fanaticised about when a girl friend told her about it well over a year ago.

"Damn Cole" she thought, "he's really trying to set me up. " She was tempted to refuse to go in with him but the parking valet was watching and she decided a temper tantrum would only get Cole sympathy. Cole was by this time severely regretting the thoughtless impulse that had made him ask Paige to lunch. He had over the last few times he had seen her slipped into something of the old bickering relationship and he was cursing himself for just feeling normal which made him forget everything else.

They were lead to a really good table by the window overlooking the bay. Paige noted that Cole was doing all the right things. He always had old fashioned manners at least when he wasn't being an arsehole, opened doors, stood up when women left the table, pulled chairs and he did it this time.

Paige glanced around the restaurant and was not unaware of some envious looks from other women that she was object of some very good manners from a very attractive man. She did not meet to many men who could make those sort of manners seem normal, so because she was actually stuck with the lunch she decided just for a little while she may as well enjoy it.

The waiter gave her the menu and the prices truly shocked her. She then and there decided if Cole was being an arsehole to her sister he could at least pay for a really expensive lunch for her. He started to ask her about the spell and she flatly refused to talk about it until after they had ordered. She ordered the lobster, oysters and the most expensive salad on the menu waiting for Cole to start glaring but he just smiled, and ordered the expensive stuff himself.

"Its on the expense account" he explained. Paige suddenly panicked, Cole living well off the firm he worked for was one of the first signs of suspicion she had had about him when the Source took him over.

"Why do you get an over the top expense account?" she demanded.

"I don't usually, in fact you'll be pleased to know my services are so not valued there at the moment that usually I'm lucky if they'll pay for McDonalds." Cole replied "Stop worrying" he said quickly as the concern showed "I'm enjoying myself being what do you like to tell me I am; an arsehole. "

"What do you mean? " She said worried.

He smiled at his most charming "One of the villains, you'll be helping me um vanquish will be paying the bill for this and I just like the idea that he gets to pay for the lunch that sets up his demise. "

"What do you want me to do Cole?" Paige asked not missing the fact that the chic bleached blond at the next table couldn't keep her eyes of Cole. It was very rude to eye of some-one else's lunch date she thought. After all the blond did not know Cole was only Paige's arsehole ex brother in law.

"Do a protection spell that will pretty well eliminate any likelihood of two people meeting a um a murderous end. One of whom is the villain who is paying for this lunch you'll be pleased to know" Cole told Paige "Can you do that? "

"I can" Paige answered carefully "Just combine the permanent part of the power binding spell and with the protection from magic spell, and change the words. All I need is some hair or nails or something like that for the potion"

Cole looked less than impressed "You know what you're doing" he said.

"Why do you want, why do you need to protect them Cole?" Paige asked as plate full of oysters was put in front of her.

"Because I don't want their deaths on my conscious?" he answered as if explaining to a simpleton when the waiter left.

"And why would they be on your conscious?" Paige asked really enjoying the oysters and noticing the chic blond was all but panting.

He told her about the case. He added "I need Eddie Rodriguez protected in case some of the bad boys go after him and I need Carter protected because those guys have a habit of eliminating people who screw up. "

"Why don't you just go to court? " Paige asked. The blond was bouncing around in her seat. Cole either didn't notice or didn't care because he paid no attention. It occurred to Paige that her sister must be very special if she was all he wanted, when he plainly got other offers.

"Because it never comes off clean, people get hurt" he smiled "No innocent is completely innocent. Everyone has his or her guilty secrets" he said.

"Really" she answered with her sweetest smile "What are your guilty secrets Cole?" To her great delight he flushed red to his hair, then he smiled almost shy.

Paige caught the smile. She remembered she had had such a crush on Cole when she first met him, was downright jealous of Phoebe's love of her life, that she had a drop dead gorgeous demon lover until Paige had realised just what that demon lover had been and then all she could see when she looked at Cole was not the smile but the demon monster behind it and even when he was human, the memory if that monster had never quite faded.

Her shock at discovering what he was, was greater because she had liked him. Of the family he had been kind, he had never been anything but amusingly supportive of her nervous initiation into magic. An outsider to the family circle himself, he had always been inclined to step back and let her in, he had been the first to make her feel like she belonged, when Piper was still so locked into her grief at Prue's death, and Phoebe so frightened Paige would not be able to fulfil her destiny as part of the Charmed Ones.

She had liked him when he was human, even when he annoyed her by living up to his demon nature, even admired him for the courage and humour he had handled a situation for which he was totally unprepared. She had liked him, because he was so genuinely and unashamedly in love, because he was generous and because demon or not, even when he bitched, he was kind.

Perhaps that was the reason that she knew something was wrong when the Source took him over was because the one thing the Source could not imitate was his innate kindness. It was missing and replaced by a watchful slyness that even at his most demonic he had never had.

And then he had betrayed her as he betrayed Phoebe and Piper and Leo and worse for her because she always felt it was Cole not the Source who had done the betraying. The Source had used what Cole knew about her fragile relationship with her family to very nearly succeed in destroying the Charmed Ones. What hurt her was that Cole knew just how precarious that relationship was, must have considered it and knew how it could be used. The Source just exploited what he had chosen not to.

And Cole sat there opposite smiling; friendly, even being kind and she wondered what things he knew this time.

"Will you do it?" he asked gently.

"Why don't you ask Phoebe?" she said.

Cole gazed at her "Because with Phoebe it's another complication in a complicated mess; with you it's a simple favour from a…friend."

"Why don't you ask Piper?" Paige said.

"Because I'm not an idiot of course." Cole answered.

She thought about it. She wanted to say no and then something about the intensity of the blue eyes opposite her made the word yes come out.

Over dessert he asked her if Piper had been cross about the mirror and lamp.

Paige nearly snapped "Why don't you ask Phoebe?" and only just remembered no matter how worried she was she didn't have the right to interfere.

"She's pretty mad at me" Paige said "Couldn't you have done anything but smash the stuff?"

"Yes" Cole answered honestly "but I guess I took Leo's um advice and did it the least reckless way, besides" he added "it was so fun. "

"Try telling Piper that "Paige said.

Cole laughed "It was only a mirror" he said.

"It was Jemima's mirror" Paige said.

"It was ugly" Cole answered.

"Phoebe thought it was beautiful" Paige said almost slyly.

Cole grinned. "You know how much I love Phoebe don't you Paige?"

She nodded nervously

"So you understand that it is because I really love her that I can honestly say Phoebe's taste is … sometimes.. questionable" he said straight faced.

Paige giggled and then sobered because she knew immediately that if he was able to comfortably joke about Phoebe, it was beyond doubt he seeing her.

Cole suddenly asked very quietly "Paige would you mind if I said something that's really none of my business?"

"What?" she replied.

"It doesn't do either you or Piper any good to let her bully you, to be afraid of her" Cole said seriously.

"I'm not frightened of her. I argue with her all the time" Paige said.

"You argue with her and you lose Paige." Cole said " Don't argue with her. Tell her. "He continued "She isn't your boss, she can't throw you out, and she doesn't have a right. " Cole met her eyes. "Why should you be scared to tell her you broke a mirror in your home? You didn't do anything wrong, so you practised some magic, no harm came, no disaster happened. You were sensible, you got help as soon as you needed it. Piper's got nothing to gripe about. "

"Jemima's mirror got broken" Paige repeated.

"It was ugly" Cole said. He shook his head showing how uncomfortable he was but leant forward and added "It doesn't help Piper to let her be a miss bossy britches all the time. That's what Prue was; always thinking she had to be the one in charge and it got her killed."

Paige's eyes went wide open. She had never heard Cole even remotely talk about her family like that before, as if he had really been part of the family.

He leant back and said "If Piper bitches ask her why your house is the only one in the street that doesn't have decent Christmas decorations, or why she doesn't use grams sewing machine any more."

"Why?" Paige said.

"Ask Piper?" Cole told her "Don't take this the wrong way but I'll make you a deal. I broke the damn mirror, I'll replace it as long as you go out and get something YOU like, so some future generation of Halliwell witches can have a family dustup over who broke Paige's mirror."

"A deal?" he said smiling and received a long hard glare for his trouble. Cole inwardly cursed himself for letting the familiarity get to him again and forget what was between him and Phoebe's family.

She meant to say no but somehow or other as she looked into the hurt he was trying to hide she muttered an ungracious yes because right now when she was so frightened where Cole was leading her sister, Paige did not wanted to be reminded that when he was not being an arsehole he could be very kind. 

  
**.........................................................**


	24. Chapter 24

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 3:Keeping it in the Family

Chapter 24

As Paige needed some hair from the two people to make the potion, after lunch they shimmered and orbed off to the gaol where Cole used his time slow power while Paige sniped some of Eddie's hair and they did the same think to Harold Carter. Neither man had the slightest idea what had happened

Cole offered to drive Paige home and she said snappily "I can orb. "

"If you want" he said casually.

"Why are you getting so weird about using your powers?" Paige asked curiously.

Cole shrugged. "I'm not being..weird." he mimicked. "I use them when they make things easier and I don't when they complicates thing. Mostly they just complicate things."

Paige put her hands on her hips "Is that some sort of advice?" she demanded . "Learn from your mistakes?"

"It wasn't meant to be." Cole answered sweetly "but if you think you can learn from me go ahead ." Paige orbed off before she heard the finish of the sentence.

"I just love Phoebe's family." Cole said out loud.

He was in court the rest of the afternoon and then had a late meeting with the client and Phoebe worked late as deadlines were starting to loom. They met at the hotel, had a very quick make shift supper in the room and Cole told Phoebe what he was getting Paige to do. A very long emotional week was taking its toll on Phoebe and she was never very good when she was over tired. She was already in bed curled up against the pillow, as Cole put the breakfast order on the door

"Why didn't you ask me?" she demanded.

"Because it complicates things to much." Cole answered straining to be reasonable. Phoebe was not in a mood to be reasonable

"I don't think you ought to hang around with my little sister." she said petulantly, "or my family for that matter."

Cole muttered "Jeez in the last few days I've had Leo tell me off, Victor warn me off and Paige orb in and insist I help her, no thanks offered. And I can hardly wait to find out whatever reason Piper will have for hammering on my door. If you can tell me how I'll be glad to not hang around with them." he went into the bathroom.

Phoebe sat up glad he did not see her smile. "That'll get him thinking about how he'll deal with my family." she thought pleased with herself.

"And while I'm on it" she added "How come you always called Paige to say you were all right and not me?"

He came out of the bathroom and stood at the end of the bed looking down at her.

"You really are in a mood tonight aren't you honey?" he asked barely hiding his amusement.

Phoebe looked up at him with a shy little girl smile. "I'm over tired and I'm cranky, and I'm sick of trying to be nice and good and I want to be a bitchy?" she said.

"You're getting there honey" he said lying down beside so she could snuggle into him. "But you're not going to get a fight out of me so stop trying. There's nothing you can do or say that is going to ruin this week for me. This week I'm going to be happy."

"Betcha you never thought you'd be this happy to have me bitch at you." she added almost asleep.

"You'd lose. I often thought I'd be this happy." he said softly.

"Well just don't tell me you know me. "she said snuggling in closer and determined to get the last word in.

"But I do know you Phoebe." Cole said stroking her hair when she fell asleep.

He lay there for long part of the night just watching her sleep, taking in every scent, every breathe, every feature and still trying to work out how the hell he had ended up here when last week it was supposed to be over and also wondering as the realities of their destiny, work, magic and family started to bear down on them, how they were going to create that promised future together.

Cole was supposed to leave early in the morning for work. Phoebe was not happy. "This is getting like a routine," she sulked "What happened to romance" she added petulantly as he bent to kiss her goodbye. She caught his tie and pulled him down and he said no three times before giving in as a vision of a future with Phoebe sulking because he would not screw her and Francesca bitching because he was late for work flashed in front of him.

"You sister in law called 3 times" Francesca said severely "and you're going to be late for the appointment at the gaol. "

"I won't be." he assured her.

"Well you will unless you can fly." Francesca told him. He tried to read her expression but she said severely get a move on and he jumped to do as he was told.

He called Paige and she said she had the spell and the potion. He told her to meet him at the gaol in a few minutes. "Orb" she said surprise.

"I'm running late. Magic makes it easier." he explained.

He still had to wait for her at the gaol. Paige materialised between a couple of cars and found him prowling around the edge of the car park. "I have to say the spell and throw the potion.", she said "How am I going to do that."

"Just do it before he goes." Cole said.

"He'll think I'm nuts." Paige muttered

"Who cares." said Cole to her disgust. She followed him in, signed in as his assistant. "Stop worrying." he whispered "I wiped the record. "

Eddie was in a state so incoherent he barely noticed Paige. Cole told him that it was nearly over another day or two.

"Eddie." he said "this is important you have to listen to me."

Eddie nodded

Cole said firmly "For the next couple of days no matter what any one says you answer you can't talk without your lawyer, even if they want to know whether you have cream in your coffee you got it. ."Eddie looked uncertain "You got it" Cole repeated he nodded and turned away. Cole called his name again and he stopped and Paige orbed the potion at Eddie back and said the spell. Eddie barely registered the bang and the green smoke that went off.

When they left Paige looked at Cole and said "You really are trying to help." and then she remembered again he could be very kind. "If he's innocent its so wrong he should be in gaol, suffering like that." she said.

"Well he's not completely innocent so I suppose he's getting what he deserves or at least needs" Cole answered

"What now?" Paige asked.

"Back to my office." Cole replied.

They had time for coffee because Cole would not go back in less than an hour "Francesca knows how long it takes me to do anything down to the last second." Cole said trying to explain.

"She really gives you a hard time." Paige said happily "I think I like Francesca."

They went upstairs to Cole's office and Paige thoroughly enjoyed the fishy glare Francesca gave Cole when she saw him usher her in.

"Just go into my office" he told Paige.

He turned to Francesca and asked "Can you call Carter's secretary and tell her Rodriguez has agreed to a deal with the ADA, to tell all about the smuggling, and can you tell her my attractive ah sister in law is in the office with me. I want Carter to meet her ."he grinned.

"What are you up to?" Francesca demanded.

"Trust me." Cole said and went into the office.

"What are you up to?" Paige demanded.

"Wait" Cole told her. In less than 5 minutes Carter who was looking strained came into Cole's office very anxious to be introduced the attractive Miss Matthews. Paige barely concealed her annoyance as Carter made a play she did not appreciate.

Carter finally said he was going after making Paige a sleazy promise he would meet her again, and telling Cole happily that he knew he was just the man to make sure the firm got a satisfactory result on Rodriguez. Cole did not miss the implication about his integrity.

As Carter turned to Cole mouthed at Paige "Do it." and after a hesitation she threw the potion and said the spell.

Carter spun around at the noise and the smell of smoke "What was that?" he demanded.

"What was what?" Cole asked, blue eyes open and innocent.

"Why did you hesitate?" Cole demanded of Paige when Carter left.

"Because I seriously thought there is a case for letting some-one murder him." Paige answered.

Francesca came into the office "What was that all about?" she asked looking from Cole to Paige.

"Better you don't know." Cole said.

"When are you going to trust me?" Francesca asked mildly but before he could answer said "and when are you finishing this?"

"Right now." Cole said. He dialled the ADA for Rodriguez case and told him that Rodriguez in return for no gaol time would be prepared to testify against the people he worked for. The ADA fussed a little and said he would have to know more and Cole happily said he could talk off the record and to Paige's undying admiration rattled off a very plausible story how Eddie Rodriquez was going to implicate 4 of the cities most notorious bad boys in the smuggling of heroin.

The ADA spluttered and muttered and said he would call back.

"What happens when they find out that story is a lie?" Paige asked.

"I think they already know dear." Francesca said "that's the whole point of it. "

Cole grinned and said to Francesca "Will you call this guy and say you have a story from this office if he wants it. Use my phone, I want him to know where it came from." Cole sat back and listened as Francesca rattled the same story to a reporter on Phoebe's paper.

"That's that crusading creep I met at Phoebe's work party." Paige said surprised. "The one who is always writing those pieces about the DA not being tough enough. "

"Once he starts asking questions, I'm making a pretty good bet that they will say there is no case against Eddie rather than try and explain why they don't want to prosecute those guys." Cole said pleased with himself.

Cole glanced at his watch 10.38, "That was a good days work." he said happily "I'd say Eddie's case has gone away. "

"The bad boys get away with it." Francesaa said but she was sad rather than severe.

"Eddie's case goes away." Cole said, "a few people of varying degrees of guilty get away with it but trust me. I know bad guys, some-one will get them some day."

Paige turned to go. She wouldn't have been Phoebe's sister if she had not got the last word in "I have to say Cole" she said to him "One thing about you, when you want to be an arsehole you're damned good at it. "

Francesca looked at Cole "You might find yourself skating in hell before long." she said.

His face showed his total disbelief but he was not quite brave enough to contradict her.

  
**.......................................................................**

Cole was in court in the afternoon and he was so caught up in the case he realised rather guiltily he did not think of Phoebe until he checked his phone about 4 and there was message from about 20 minutes ago to ring Phoebe urgently. It suddenly occurred to him that it was ironic that just as he was able to develop a life with Phoebe because he was living as a mortal, while he lived and worked as a mortal, as a human, there was going to be a large part of his life that did not include her.

And when he called her he had was almost immediately confronted by the fact that with the choices he had made there was going to be a part of her life that did not include him.

"I just had to let you know that I can't make it tonight" she whispered into her phone "A family problem" she said "you know the usual one."

"Where are you?" he asked.

"Home" she said and then her voice got stronger. "Its okay I'm in the hall now Piper and Paige are making potions."

"What's the problem?" he asked.

"Elders asked us to deal with another one of that cult, swarm demons that are popping up, some innocents getting hurt. Something called Lamieds. Know them." Phoebe enquired.

"Yes" Cole answered "Blood sucking demons, they like young men. You should be okay." he added.

"Yeah. We are going down to watch the basketball match now." she said excitedly.

For all the fact that Cole knew he had to separate himself from her calling as Charmed One, for a second he found himself resenting that she could be excited and eager to start something that excluded him. Then he remembered all the choices and hard won battles and he relaxed "Enjoy yourself" he said.

"You're not going to try and interfere or anything are you?" Phoebe ask nervously.

"No" he said "I told you I wouldn't. The Charmed Ones seem to have managed pretty well without my help for the last year. Unless its my…the old Source's legacy, its not my problem. Take care honey." he said in a matter of fact voice. "Call me when its over. I have to get back to court ."

Part of Phoebe was excessively irritated that Cole, could be as unconcerned when she going into battle and another part of her was relieved that he could accept her responsibilities to the Charmed Ones world without creating a fuss. It was along way from their marriage "Don't think of that" she said "It wasn't Cole. "

The girls spent a very long evening and night, scrying and chasing the blood sucking Lamieds from sporting session to sporting session. The problem was that the Lamieds attacked in change and shower rooms and Paige had to orb them in to catch the demons. When they were in the first change room Paige and Phoebe eyes were bugging out of their heads to Piper's annoyance. In the fifth room, at 3 in the morning, in a seedy gym on the south side, after Piper blew up two demons and Paige and Phoebe used potions on 2 others. Piper stopped to tie up a shoelace before she unfroze the scene, Paige told her to hurry.

"What's the rush?" said Piper.

"I never thought I would get sick of the sight of frozen naked men." Paige said "but they just start looking the same to me."

Phoebe sighed. "Hurry up. They just aren't as interesting like this." she added.

"You think." Piper said.

The girls finally found the last of the demons at an early training session for a college hockey team and finished them off. They returned to the manor where a grumpy Leo had had a difficult night with Melinda. He had only just got her to sleep and wanted some himself.

Paige because she had had a very big magical day and could sleep in, fell into bed and Phoebe who had to be at work the next morning decided she would be worse off sleeping so she and Piper had a quiet morning breakfast which was not something they could do often.

Piper quietly asked Phoebe if she would be there tonight and Phoebe shook her head and said she was staying with her friend.

Piper who had been trying to find a way to approach this without it turning into a long complaint finally took the plunge "Honey" she said "we are going to have to deal with this. If you're living here, you're living here not just keeping your clothes here. And if you aren't well that's a whole new set of problems and it isn't you who is affected. "

Phoebe nodded. She knew this conversation. She had been waiting for it

Piper when her sister showed signs of listening continued "I know you seem to thing this guy is the one, at the moment, but it's all to fast and I have to tell you." she said carefully "Leo and I are pretty damned suspicious of this new love of your life coming out of the woodwork and being the perfect mate right after you are finally well over all the stuff that happened with Cole. Are you sure honey?" she said.

Phoebe smiled gently "He's not perfect she said "far from it but he's what I want and it does seem fast but then it also seems for ever. But he is the one, the only one. "

"I've heard that before." Piper said dryly.

"Well this time I'm sure." Phoebe said. "This time I know. "

"And have you told him about us about the Charmed Ones." Piper said trying not to sound as if she was judging.

"No" Phoebe said "but it's not a problem."

"Then how can you be so sure he is the one when you really don't know he is going to deal with your family an all your secrets?" Piper said with some exasperation creeping in "If this guy is it, is for real" Piper started to say "it isn't just you that's involved"

Phoebe clasp her hands around her knees "Sweetie I know better than anyone that with us, it isn't just him and me but you also know what Grams said, a charmed future does not keep a girl warm on a cold night. " She looked into Piper's face pleading for understanding "I hate being alone Piper and I don't want to be grams going from marriage to marriage trying to find something that never is because I can't share who I am"

"Being able to share it didn't help you last time" Piper said bluntly.

Phoebe sitting in the Halliwell kitchen her arms hugged around her knees looked at her sister intently "I know I am a Charmed One and never again am I going to chose a man above my sisters and a life that doesn't let me be a Charmed One. I promise you, I promise you, I promise you it isn't going to happen. "

"That's the whole thing isn't" Piper said sadly "Its why Prue never found any one after Andy, its why the Source was able to use Cole to screw everything up with you and Cole, even with Leo and me, its never about US. Its about the family and this damned calling and this damned house. Love me get stuck with my family. No way out and no escape. No wonder Paige is having so many stuffed up relationships" she said sympathetically."

"I knew you understood Piper." Phoebe asked "Whatever you end up feeling about this, its not been just secrets, its been about making it an us. I always knew it would be about family. Its just these last few weeks, I needed a little romance, I needed to play at falling in love again, to flirt and tease and be silly. I know if there is a future, its not all us, its barely us, its all about family but at least this way there is an us and if I made it a family thing to soon there may not have been one ."

Pipe held her hand "And if it turns out he couldn't deal with the family thing, what's your choice."

Phoebe swallowed "The choice is made, its who I am, my family, my calling but I think he will. And if he doesn't I've had a hell of a lot of fun and some really great sex these last few weeks."

After showering and getting her things ready for work a she called Cole to let him know she was all right, and a little bit to check on him. He was already at the office. He asked he if she everything went all right and she said yes but she was sick of the sight of naked men. He was silent for a second and Phoebe asked "Cole?"

He finally answered in a half choked voice "I'll make a note. You're sick of seeing naked men."

"Oh not you." she said blithely "Love you. I have to go."

"Love you honey" he said and was not in the least embarrassed to know that Francesca as listening to every word he said.

He smiled ruefully "Just when I think I know her, I realise I am totally bamboozled by what goes on in her head. "

"I believe I could become very fond of that girl" Francesca said.

Not long after less, than 24 hours after, Cole had offered to deal, the ADA called him to say that all charges against Eddie Rodriquez had been dropped.

"Why?" Cole asked enjoying himself.

With a little pushing the ADA explained when they started getting things together for the case they discovered the major evidence, the heroin along with some evidence in other cases had disappeared. "You used to be an ADA." the lawyer said "You know when drugs are involved no-one is incorruptible. "

"Yeah I do Cole said and it was lucky the lawyer could not see his expression.

Cole went over and told Carter and Jackman the case against Rodriguez had gone away. Carter visibly paled, clearly wondering at the consequences of him failing to trap the real target Reynolds and Jackman prissily told Cole it took him long enough and they expected him to work more efficiently in future.

"I can only do my best" Cole answered meekly

Cole went out to the gaol and picked Rodriguez and bluntly told him this time he was lucky. Eddie said defensively he only got involved in smuggling to pay for his parents house and anyway the stuff they brought in was harmless, and anyway Tom Reynolds was the one who was the real smuggler.

"Well you were involved, you were responsible and you were stupid" Cole told him uncompromisingly "And what's worse you're making me sound like my holier-than-though ex brother in law god help me. "

When he dropped Rodriguez off at his family place Cole had to spend some time accepting the thanks from his family, which was almost suffocating. After he arrived at the office, Cole called Reynolds and told him Rodriguez case had gone away and got very curt thank you and when Cole asked him if he wanted any more information the answer had been a hesitant "Thank you and I'll send the payment. I'll see you around" Reynolds answered

"Yeah you will" Cole said "I'm sure. "

He finally rang Phoebe late in the afternoon and asked "Are we still meeting?" She almost yawned into the phone and said yes but she had a long day and a deadline by 8 and Elise on her back

"You're just about asleep on your feet aren't?" he asked gently.

"I'll make it she answered you're not going to feel all rejected about sleeping with some-one who just needs sleep." she said.

"No" he answered "Do you want to go back to the manor?"

"I want to go back to the manor and I want to be with you and as you won't come to the manor I guess I have to meet you." she garbled

"I have something to do first." he said

"What?" she said suspiciously. 

"Put the fear of god and I mean the fear of god into some-one." Cole answered.

He worked a couple of hours and around seven when he was a sure things were very quiet he shimmered into Tom Reynolds office. Reynolds was looking out the large glass window watching the harbour below and it took him a few minutes to turn around and see Cole, standing there watching him.

Reynolds jumped with surprise "How did you get in?" he demanded.

"I just slipped in." Cole answered pleasantly. " I wanted to talk to you. "

Reynolds glanced at the phone on his desk and Cole, and was obviously wondering about using it to call for assistance. Cole swished his hand so it blew away in smoke and almost laughed to see the fear and incomprehension on Reynolds's face

"Calm down Tom" he said sitting on the visitor's sofa "I like you that's why I'm here. I don't see you as an evil man" Cole continued "but there are things you are doing that are going to have to stop."

"I don't know what you are talking about?" Reynolds said.

"Yes you do" Cole said still smiling. Then very softly he said "Its this little fixation I have about innocents Tom." he said "Even more than it offends me that they should need defending, it offends me when they are lead astray. "

"I don' t know what you mean?" Reynolds said but his voice wavered.

"I mean get out of the smuggling business Tom." Cole said amiably.

"How do you think I am going to keep in business, pay all the people do what have to do if I didn't work the game?" Tom bit out, conceding.

"Start a precedent" Cole said still smiling "try trading honestly. I like you Tom" he repeated "but what you are doing offends me and I'm not some one who you offend more than once." He was still smiling as he flicked his hand and disintegrated Reynolds' desk. "I do that when I am offended" he said.

"You have no idea what it would take to get me out of this mess." Reynolds whimpered obviously in shock and disbelief.

"I do actually" Cole answered "Call me and we can start working your way out of this. "

He moved his hand and the desk came back. Reynolds looked from him to the desk and back fear and incredulity written all over his face. He started to gasp for breath and Cole waited until he began to breathe easily and then deliberately gestured and finished off a particular ugly and flashy piece of sculpture.

"Call me" Cole said slowly I mean it then with a smile shimmered out leaving Reynolds wondering what the hell had happened and if it had happened and if it didn't how the sculpture got broken.

  


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	25. Chapter 25

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 3:Keeping it in the Family

Chapter 25

Cole arrived at the hotel later than he intended because he had to go to office and collected his car. Sometimes he muttered to himself living mortal was a damned nuisance. When he entered the hotel room he was found the television on, the remains of a room service salad and cake still on the table and Phoebe naked under a hotel room robe sound asleep.

He lent over he and kissed her gently

"Hi" she said waking up.

"Hi you" he said, happy just to look at her

"Been here long" he asked.

"A while" she said.

"Stay in bed" he answered.

"You eaten" she asked, and he shook his head "That's not good." she said.

"It isn't necessary." he said.

He pulled off his jacket and threw himself on the bed "Long day" he said.

"Did you put the fear of god into someone" she asked conversationally.

"I think so" he answer "Are you worried?"

"No" she said" I trust you. Are you surprised?" she added.

"I'm trying hard not to be surprised at anything you do." he said tired.

"I've still got some tricks that will surprise you." she said "You have to eat." she added.

He gave up and went and showered while she ordered him room service. To his disgust a very healthy sandwich and a peace token lemon pie.

He heard it arrive while he shaved. When he came out of the bathroom Phoebe had eaten most of the sandwich so he ate the pie, and had a glass of wine.

He threw himself on the bed and turned out the lights they lay side by side, in the dark enjoying being with each other. After a few minutes Phoebe said "Piper is giving me hell about my new boyfriend" she said carefully. "She thinks getting involved with a man who doesn't know what I am can put us all in danger risk the Charmed One." she stopped realising Cole was smiling.

"Piper is right" he said "oh god I'm doomed to eternal hell. I just agreed with Piper. "

"We can't go on meeting in a hotel." she said.

"Not if I'm paying the bills." he agreed.

"I hate your apartment." she said.

"I know" he answered, "So do I. The lease is up in a couple of weeks I told them I wasn't renewing."

"Why did you keep it if you hated it?" Phoebe asked.

"So you'd know where I was of course" he said "I thought I might look for something closer to Prescott street" he said a nervously "Want to help me look on the weekend"

"Perhaps" Phoebe said, then she took a deep breath "I want to tell my family about us tomorrow" she said. He didn't answer. "Cole" she said. He didn't answer "Cole" she said again "they can't stop us being together. "

He didn't answer. She turned over so she was lying half across his chest and could see the outline of his face in the dark "We're together." she said firmly. "I said I would not chose you over my family but I'm not choosing them over you either. "

"I know that" he said slowly. Phoebe slipped off him and lay as close to him as she could, before tiredness got hold off her and she fell asleep as he stroked her hair. After an hour Cole to fell asleep, knowing very well that for better or worse after tomorrow, the fairy tale romance they were playing at was over and everything would change.

Cole rapidly decided that he hated Thursdays. Thursday fortnight ago, was it only two week s ago, he had a miserable day thinking he was really going to have to walk away from Phoebe. Last Thursday, he had been concerned that Phoebe would walk away from him, and this one he was giving good odds he would have to walk away from Phoebe because he believed her when she said she would not chose her family over him and he was going to have to make the choice for her.

Cole met Phoebe outside her work. He offered to come up but she was very reluctant and he finally dragged out of her that she had not told anyone at her workplace she was back with her husband, ex husband. She felt concern that with her advice column and her growing fame, notoriety, public profile whatever you wanted to call it, there would be a nine day wonder, as soon as it got around, and given what Cole guessed he might have to do that night he reluctantly supposed she was right.

He had spent a year loving Phoebe from afar and in the last six months without any expectation that it would be returned. He had dreamed but those dreams were so faraway from the reality of what he was living that he had never really considered the consequences of what her deciding she wanted to be with him would be. He had his fantasies about it, sweeping Phoebe into his arms and the smug pleasure he would get out of telling Phoebe's family that they were together and they would have to live with it. Fantasising about Piper's annoyance, Paige's distress and bursting Leo's pomposity had got him through some very bad moments. When Phoebe had thrown him the loop about demanding they comeback together he had just been happy to have her and the nagging doubts of the consequences he had just pushed aside.

Since the day Cole had met Phoebe the whole of her existence had been about her family and he had accepted it. He had walked away from life as a demon, fought battles with her family and killed for them and to save them because he knew the only way he could have her was to accept that the family came first with her. And when the Source had taken him over, he had used what Cole had known about Phoebe's need of her family to very nearly destroy the Charmed Ones, not by vanquishing them but by pulling them apart.

And that was the problem for Cole. He had not just betrayed Phoebe; he had betrayed her family. Phoebe forgave him because she had loved him. It was different with her family. Certainly he had shared moments with Phoebe's family, happy and sad, Leo and Piper's wedding and Prue's death: farcical ones, such as Piper's rehearsal dinner, the memory of which always made Cole wince and the stupid vanquish attempt when Phoebe became a banshee always made Cole laugh. There had been moments when they had even been kind, when he was lost and confused after the vanquish of Belthezar but mostly what was between them was the pain he had caused Phoebe and not any amount of promises would convince them that this time it would be any different. And Cole could not blame them.

And if he was part of Phoebe's life, then whether any of them wanted it or not he would be part of her family's life. During the last few weeks the tension had eased a little but letting time ease the tension was not the same as acceptance. Phoebe's family, the people who had been his family had closed ranks and turned their backs on him when he returned from the wasteland and nothing had happened to give them reason to change and Cole could not blame them.

Phoebe's belief that she would not have to choose was he believed, Phoebe at her most guileless and naive. He had come to the conclusion if her family would not accept him and Phoebe would not make the decision to choose her family, he would do it for her. He owed them that. And this time at least he would be walking away not with the memory of love but with the knowledge of it and it would be enough. He hoped.

It was late when they drove back to the manor because Phoebe had a very late deadline. She kissed Cole only lightly on the lips when she jumped in the car, chatted non-stop about work, shopping, and changes to the traffic all the way back to Prescott Street. Cole pulled up a little away from the house and finally put his finger across her mouth.

"How are you going to tell them? " he asked.

"Just say I'm back with Cole" she said.

"Yeah" he said. "You sure you don't want me to come in?" he asked.

"You know after all the fuss about the new boyfriend they'll be glad its you." she said not very convincingly.

"Why do I doubt that?" Cole said dryly.

As she got out the car Phoebe stopped and turned back "Do you hate my family Cole?" she asked.

"No" he said and Phoebe knew he was not lying. "But its not what I would have said six months ago." he added

She nodded. Understanding. "You wait here." Phoebe ordered him.

"Yes ma'm." he muttered and sat in the car and watched her go into the manor, knowing full well that the fairy tale was over.

Phoebe opened the front door and went in. Paige was in the parlour reading more books on magic and witchcraft, Phoebe wondered if the married professor was with his wife. Leo and Piper were on the sofa, Leo watching TV and Piper was sewing. Lately she had decided hand made baby clothes made up for leaving her daughter with a sitter

Phoebe stood at the archway and coughed nervously. Piper looked up and saw her and said not all that kindly "I thought you were on a date. "

"Not a date exactly." Phoebe said coming into the room and sitting on a chair arm near Paige "We just met after work. "

"What happened Phoebe?" Piper said suspiciously.

"Nothing happened" Phoebe said looking down then looking up and then glancing around. "He just drove me home." she said.

Leo jumped in started to say, "Who is this guy Phoebe?" and stopped as he saw Piper's jaw drop and Paige freeze. He followed their glance and saw Cole standing in the archway, tie undone hands nervously thrust in his pockets. "Its me" he said slowly

"I told you to wait in the car" Phoebe spun on him.

"I know" he said. "I just didn't do it. "

He eyed the other three who were stunningly quiet. For a full 5 seconds then they all suddenly broke into movement and words.

"What did you mean you two are together again?" Leo said stunned.

Paige looked at Phoebe "Why aren't I surprised" she said angrily.

Piper just stared stony faced and Cole had to make an effort not to shrink away.

Then there was silence again while they all took it in.

"When did this all happen?" Piper finally asked slowly.

"About a month ago?" Phoebe said.

"What?" said Piper Paige and Leo and Cole.

Phoebe answered "Cole and I, well I decide we may as well get back together then."

Cole shook his head and moaned and said "Phoebe."

Piper asked grimly "And what does it, mean being together?"

"Being together, a couple." Phoebe answered guilelessly.

Cole swallowed the words "I'm not asking her to move out"

Paige exploded giving way to the worry and concern she had kept to herself for more than a week. "And that is supposed to be all right." she yelled. "After everything he's done, everything that happened. It may not have been all his fault but he put us through hell Phoebe literally. You expect us, you expect me to go back to just hey Cole no problem. He hurt you, tried to kill me. You decide you can't live without fucking him and we supposed to forget it. Just say all is forgiven."

"That would help" Phoebe said "it wasn't Cole's fault so what 's your problem" she snarled at Paige getting angry. "You had no problem living with me after the demon of fear made me try to strangle you or living with Piper after she tried it when she was a Fury. What's the difference with Cole? "

"He was the fucking Source of all evil" Paige yelled.

"I thought we got through that, thought we all knew what he had been through. I don't get your problem. I love Cole; he loves me. We want to be together." Phoebe yelled back. "Get over it Paige. We have. "

Cole leant against the wall listening to the argument and the insults flying, his face expressionless.

Paige let fly "You two love each other. Damn it. Phoebe, it isn't just about you. "

"I know its not about me, us" Phoebe yelled back. "What do you think we're here for? "

Leo tried to step in and stop it and both turned on him and told him to mind his own business "It is my business" he said, "This is my family too and it effects me as well. "

"Shut up Leo" snapped Phoebe "What is it with you. You and Piper are the only ones who are allowed to be happy. As long as everything is just great for you, you don't give a stuff about any-one else being happy"

The fight raged on between Leo and Paige and Phoebe. It covered everything from Phoebe being a selfish little bitch who never cared about how much trouble she caused her family, who was only concerned was for herself, to Leo being lecher who let his wife support him to Paige blaming Phoebe and Piper because Pattie had given her away at birth.

Piper and Cole were both silent. Him standing almost out of the room, her sitting rigid, sewing having fallen on the floor. Cole met Piper's eyes and shook his head. He mouthed the words "I'm sorry", then he went into the room and literally hauled Phoebe out of the arena. She spun around and he said "Its not just about you Phoebe, its not just about your family, its about me. And I get a choice too."

"I know it wasn't my fault Paige" he said mimicking her gently "but I get your problem. And Phoebe isn't going to bludgeon you into agreeing to something you really can't accept"

Phoebe stamped her foot, glaring up at him "I told you I am not going to chose between you and my family. "

"I know you're not honey." he said, "so I am and the answer is your family. "

"Sorry" he said to the family. "I..she offered me everything I wanted, I hoped for. It was a long shot but I just had to try. Sorry" he said again as he watched Paige and Leo's angry expressions and Piper's blank rigid face. He reached out and touched Phoebe's face gently "Thanks love" he said.

"You knew you were going to do this" she yelled.

"Yeah I did" he said because he could not lie to her.

Phoebe roared at him. "We decided we were going to be together"

"You decided" he said gently. Piper never took her eyes off them. Cole bent over Phoebe and kissed her gently. She kept her lips tightly together.

Cole smiled shrugged ruefully and turned to leave, watched in silence by Leo and Piper and anger by Phoebe and not at all by Paige who stared at her sister standing there with tears running down her face.

Paige looked over to Piper and bit her lip and glanced at Cole's disappearing back. Piper raised her eyes and shrugged and as the door banged Paige ran toward it and threw it open and almost ran into Cole who had stopped at the top of the stairs while he gasped for breath. Paige caught him by the arm and turned him around and was horrified to see his face damp.

"Why do you do this? " she demanded "Put Phoebe through, this put us through this. Why can't you just disappear?" Paige put her hands on her hips "I know the answer" she said "because you love Phoebe and because damn, her damn her she stupidly still loves you"

"It isn't about us" he repeated.

"Yeah I know" Paige roared at him. "Its about the sort off hell Phoebe will put us through if you go. You know Phoebe, she'll start bitching and you'll get to be the innocent and it will all be our fault. "

"Paige you don't have to" Cole started to say.

"Hell you're not getting out of it so easily buster" Paige said irately "You can do what the rest if us have to do. Stay and suffer. And Phoebe is going to be so damned mad at you, right now you're going to suffer"

Cole sighed Paige "Not if its going to cause fights like just happened. "

"Cole" Paige said "Remember how you were the one who told me those fights were nothing to worry about, just family stuff" she said. And then exasperated as he shook his head she caught his coat lapels and hauled him back into the house where Leo and Phoebe and Piper were still in the parlour.

Phoebe looked mutinous but teary and she glared at Cole who knew how much trouble he was in. Neither Leo nor Piper looked particularly happy. Leo was on his feet behind the chair, almost defensively and Piper standing in the middle of the room, her arms crossed in front of her, every line of her screaming her disgust.

"It appears" Piper announced as Cole did his best not to let Paige drag him back into the room "that we have decided none of us have a right to interfere with Phoebe's um romances. "

"Piper" he said pulling himself free of Paige's grip, "I'm not asking Phoebe to make any choices" he said awkwardly, looking from Paige's almost soft smile to Leo's prim disapproval, to Piper's anger to Phoebe's triumph.

"That my friend" Piper bit out "is the only thing that saved you."

Phoebe grinned at Cole "I knew there was nothing to worry about" she said happily. She glanced at her family. "Okay" she said brightly "No problem if Cole moves in on the weekend?"

"What?" shrieked Leo Paige and Cole. Only Piper remained quiet.

Phoebe repeated "Cole move in with me. On the weekend. No problem ?"

Cole glanced around at the witches and the whitelighter. Paige was stepping back away from him shaking her heads and getting ready for war, clearly regretting the impulse that made her drag him back.

Leo was still behind the chair, his hands gripping the back, his body weight retreating and his expression horrified. Piper stood there legs apart, hands on hips and expression carefully blank.

There was total silence.

Finally Phoebe said "What?"

Cole winced as he stepped backwards so he did not quite see her eyes and said "I don't think that is a good idea Phoebe." very carefully

"Why not?" she said eyes big and innocent.

Cole half moved his hand to indicate her sisters and Leo "I think that's obvious." he said "and you know it."

"What I know "Phoebe said spinning toward him ready to argue "is that I live here, and I am not moving. Living somewhere Cole does not just mean the place where you keep your clothes. Its the place where you live, it's the place where you eat it's the place where you sleep. From this weekend I am sleeping in the bed upstairs , my bed and I hate sleeping alone so if we're going to have any sort of together you better be planning on sleeping there too. "

"Phoebe" he said trying to keep the annoyance he was feeling at the games she was pulling out of his voice. Because he had really not expected to get past the family even accepting him in her life again, he had not considered to much about the next step. Phoebe obviously had and he was starting to get very angry with her for using blackmail to push all of them into accepting more. "Just wait until I find a new place to live. Like I said something close by and we can sort it out." he said.

"Sort out what?" she demanded oblivious of the audience "I'm still living here" she said "and the same applies to you. If I'm here you're here then what's the point of saying you are living somewhere else when its only going to be where you keep your clothes."

"Phoebe" Cole demanded, "Leave it be for a while, just give it time and we can work it out. Some sort of compromise. "

"Oh stop trying to sound like a lawyer. You don't even like being one." Phoebe answered with absolutely no logic.

"Phoebe" he said the temper rising "Quit pushing it you've got what you want. We're together, your family are ok.. dealing. Cut the games, stop seeing how far you can take it". he was getting really angry. "I'm not even hanging around to talk about it"

"I'm not playing games" Phoebe said sweetly "I mean it"

Leo said "Phoebe don't be ridiculous" he said "None of us can go back to where we were"

The look Cole sent him was clearly not appreciative of the support.

"I'm not going back" Phoebe answered "I'm going forward, planning on living..together"

"Phoebe" Paige said, "I think the problem is not you and Cole living together, its Cole and us living together. I don't think he want's to live with us. "

"Cole just wants to be with me" Phoebe said blithely "He's just being difficult"

"I don't think its Cole who is being difficult" Paige said earning her a look of gratitude from Cole.

"Phoebe" Leo interrupted trying to reason with her, "No-one is saying that Cole can't isn't wel.. they have a huge problem with Cole staying over, its just that.. "

"I am." Cole snarled.

"I'm not just being difficult." Phoebe said pushing it "I don't see how me being here and Cole being somewhere else is being together. And I hate sleeping alone" she added"

"Phoebe" said Paige, Cole and Leo.

"We'll talk about it some other time" Cole finally said "I am out of her" he added. He started to move, glanced behind to see if Phoebe followed him, but she stood watching him with her eyes wide open and up yours expression on her face.

He stopped "Phoebe" he demanded.

Cole turned back, lifted his hands and let them fall by his side. He looked around the room, at Paige's annoyance, Leo's irritation and Piper still standing there rigid, her face blank, her eyes never leaving Cole's face.

He turned to Piper. In this mood Piper was the only one who could reason with Phoebe "I can't get through to her" he said addressing Piper. "You're going to have to deal with her. "

Piper regarded Cole her face totally blank. Piper thought "Phoebe is really screwing Cole around." She knew what Phoebe was doing to him, putting him through the ropes just to see how much he would take, just to find out how far he would go. Knowing Phoebe, and all that happened, Piper could understand why she felt the need to get very clear lines drawn with her family and Cole. Maybe she was even a little wise to do it, even if her methods left something to be desired.

She should have felt a little sorry for Cole, knowing how much Phoebe was using what power she had to control him, because she plainly intended he should concede a great deal for her family. Knowing Phoebe, Piper could even understand why she felt the need to go this far just to impress on her family that she was not going to make a choice between Cole and them, that they were important. Which was all very well but Cole was getting so angry he was not able to appreciate the point.

Piper glanced at him and remembered all the problems and pain he had caused her family, from the time he had first come into their lives. Not the big things but the family things, the long bitter arguments between Prue and Phoebe over him, the drawn out painful silences, the lies Phoebe had told about him. Even her wedding had been one long fight between Prue and Phoebe about Cole. Piper thought of fights and misunderstandings with Paige he had encouraged when the Source took him over, she thought of the cloud he put over her own happiness because he made her feel guilty for being happy. And here they all were again, another family uproar because of Cole.

Piper looked at Cole turned away, standing outside the family circle, hovering between, anger, fear, exasperation and desperation, confusion, not knowing how to deal with Phoebe, not knowing how far she was going to drag it out before she gave way and what it would cost him. Piper could appreciate what Cole must have already conceded to come here and face Phoebe's family and how unreasonable Phoebe was being demanding more. She could help him, tell Phoebe to stop playing her games, be sensible and acknowledge what he was doing instead of trying to push more out of him. It was in her power to give him back a little of the happiness he had given her or really hurt him.

Piper often wondered what she would do if she ever had the chance to return the pain. If she ever had a chance to do to him what he had done to her, to screw him so badly he would never recover. Would she be strong enough to resist it? And here was vengeance, being handed to her on a silver platter.

And with both hands Piper accepted the gift, with no remorse and no regret.

Without taking her eyes off Coles face, she said, "I think that's the best solution. Cole moves back in here with Phoebe."

And if she lived to be a hundred, Piper would never forget the sheer pleasure of vengeance she got as she watched Cole. She had never seen his eyes bug out of his head before. He went white then green and then grey.

He actually started to shake, whether from anger, fear or shock or all three was hard to tell. He looked sick, he looked stunned and it was very clear that whatever he had considered together meant it was not returning to the manor. In fact Piper was willing to bet that if Cole had been asked to define hell on earth, he would have described it as living with Phoebe's family.

And if looks could have killed, Piper knew from the venom coming out of those blue eyes, she would have been a dead witch. Cole knew very well what Piper had done. Regardless of any objections, annoyance or misgivings Paige and Leo had, once Piper agreed, the deal was done. He had not a hope in Hades, heaven or the realms in between of making Phoebe shift ground.

Phoebe ran forward and flung her arms around Piper while Leo started to say "I don't think that is really a good idea" and then shut up as he saw the unholy glee of Piper's expression.

Paige let out an exasperated and almost amused "Piper!!!" then she joined her sisters in a hug. Because just watching Cole's complete disintegration as he realised there was no way out, that he was doomed to a lifetime of Halliwells, was far, far more fun than vanquishing him.

Cole glared helplessly at the witches hugging, saw Leo's unconcealed annoyance and turned and walked out. He got half way to the door and came back. Piper met his angry blue eyes over her sister's shoulders.

"Bitch" he said very loudly.

"You should be careful what you wish for my friend" Piper answered unconcerned "You just might get it. "

"Bitch" he mouthed again "and I'm outta here" Cole muttered feeling a very strong need to escape or kill some one. He stalked out the room and Phoebe left her sisters, running to catch up.

Leo and Paige and Piper watched him go. They all knew he would be back by the weekend because as he had so often said he would do anything for Phoebe and that included walking through hell frozen over.

Leo turned to Paige and Piper. "I don't get it" he said, "I don't get it. A few hours ago it was about worrying about this new man is in her life and now Cole is moving back in here. What the hell happened? "

"I bet Cole is wondering that too" Piper answered gleefully.

"Did you have any idea that was what as going on?" Leo demanded of his wife.

Piper shook her head "I ought to have known. Phoebe was so secretive and its always Cole when she acts like that. Why don't I ever learn its always about Cole with Phoebe?"

"I knew?" Paige said brightly

"Why didn't you do something" Leo demanded.

"Because I didn't want it to be true" Paige answered.

"Then why did you call him back Paige?" Leo asked irritated "Cole moving back here. Do you realise how crazy that is?"

Paige took a deep breath "I had to Leo. Leo, I don't hate Cole." she smiled "I saw something I knew I had to do. We talk about using our powers for good. I saw some one hurting very badly, doing the right thing for right reasons at his cost. " She took a deep breathe "I had the power to do something good for some one. I didn't have the magic power to do something good, but I had the human power. All Cole wants is Phoebe and yet he would walk away from her because of us. Isn't that what its all about? Having the power to do something good. "

Leo turned to his wife helplessly "What about you? why didn't you say no?"

"Because" Piper said honestly "I want Cole and Phoebe to be happy"

"With Cole …here?" Leo demanded.

"If that's what it takes "Piper said thinking of all that guilt that had just lifted off her shoulders.

  
**....................................................**


	26. Chapter 26

To know Phoebe is to... 

Part 3:Keeping it in the Family

Chapter 26

Cole went onto the porch ahead of Phoebe. She stopped at the porch edge and he turned to her and because he was down a couple of steps he was on eye level with her.

"Are you coming back with me?" he said, knowing the answer.

"No" she said, "I'm pissed at you. You didn't have a right to make those choices for me"

"You don't have the right to make those choices for me" he said, "I'm pissed at you."

He smiled the smile he saved for her as he looked straight into big brown loving eyes "Phoebe you do know this is the last chance don't you?" he said "This time we have to stick it."

"I'm counting on it" she said leaning over to kiss him so he had top catch her or she would fall. She assumed he would.

He finally put he down on the steps an looked down at her "I'm still pissed at you" he said.

"I'm still pissed at you" she said. She looked up smugly "You are going to really try to get on with my family aren't you?" she asked "because I can make your life hell if you don't." She turned and stalked away only softening it by turning back to glance coyly over her shoulder at him.

Cole knew Phoebe. He knew she could keep her last promise.

Cole watched her run inside and slowly walked down the manor steps where he stopped and looked at the place. Strange the reality of getting what you wanted. They should have been in each other's arms declaring undying passion and love, making for the nearest bed but there he was outside the manor again while his witch was once again away from him with her family.

He sat in the car for a while and then drove his car back to his apartment and shimmered to a beach he knew in Mexico. He sat in the dark listening to the waves and feeling the salt in the air around him. It occurred to him that disappearing to beaches in the middle of the night was not going to be a choice for a very long time and he felt some sense of regret.

Phoebe rang him and he answered it but told her he was pissed at her and finished the call. She called again and he answered very sharply that he was really pissed at her and cut the call. He listened to the waves and the noises of night birds and the crashing sound and very slowly calmed down a little. Phoebe rang back in about ten minutes. He started to say not quite as angrily that he was pissed and she cut him off saying anxiously "Cole?"

"What?" he said.

"You are going to come on the weekend, I mean move in?" she said without any real certainty in her voice.

He was silent for a second as he heard Phoebe draw a tight breath "You know damned well I'm going to do anything you want just to be with you" he snarled "and I'm still pissed at you" and this time he turned the phone off

Cole mused that getting what you want could kill the fantasy. What he got was not just Phoebe but all the baggage that came with Phoebe. He didn't just get the girl he got the family and her life and the arguments and doubts and the distrust. But he did get Phoebe.

He stared at the water and thought of the life head. Nervously. They had shared many things, he and Phoebe, fate, war between good and evil, passion, huge soul wrenching emotion and now they got to share a life as long as she had one, but he put that thought away. They got to share a small ordinary, well pretend, ordinary life.

He sat on the beach alone. And then it hit him that he would be a long time before he was alone again, that he was being forced into manege of people demanding, bickering, sharing whether he wanted to or not, part of, god forbid, a family. He laughed to himself at the expression on Phoebe's sister's and Leo's faces when he walked in. Phoebe had done a good job on screwing them as much as screwing him. It was a pleasant thought.

Phoebe went to bed that night a very happy and contented girl; a slightly sexually frustrated one but she had time ahead of her for that. She was alone in that bed for the last time. Since divorcing Cole she had wanted to get rid of that bed but somehow had never quite brought herself to do it, now she was glad she hadn't. Poor Cole he was so bewildered about it all. She smiled happily at his expression in that fight, caught between confusion, anger and love. Because he did love her, the demon, ex had walked through hellfire for her, came back from the dead for her, was willing to put up the screwing she did to him. Because he loved her. "Well you've got what you wanted Mr Turner" she said out loud "and good luck to you." She put her hand to her mouth and blew him a kiss before she went to sleep.

The next day Phoebe rang him at work. He told her he was still pissed at her and she told him to get off it.

"And did you have a pleasant chat with your family after I left?" Cole asked nastily.

"My family know me" Phoebe said wondering what his problem was. "They love me. They want me to be happy. There was never a problem. You should trust me. "

She ignored Cole's derisive snort. She said she had decided they could spend the next two nights at his apartment cleaning it up and packing.

"You've decided have you?" he said dryly.

"Yes" she said "I'll meet you at the manor after work so you can swap cars with Piper. We'll need hers to move your stuff" Phoebe said.

"Yeah sure, swap cars with Piper got it" he said even drier.

"And you'll have to get a baby harness fitted in your car in case Piper needs to go out with Melinda" Phoebe added.

"Baby harness sure thing, got it" he said.

"Love you" Phoebe said "and Cole stop being an arsehole."

"Sure thing. Stop being an arsehole." he said "Got it" then relented a little and added "Love you" as she hung up.

"Things not going well with your..ah wife?" Francesca asked.

"Why, am I being erratic again?" he asked irritably.

"No a pain in the butt" Francesca answered.

"Things are going to damned well" Cole answered. He sat on the visitor's chair. "Phoebe wants me to move back in with her" he said.

"What's the problem, to soon?" Francesca asked.

"To soon, to late, just right, its doesn't matter for a lot of reasons I'm not going into, I can't, I won't ask her to leave her family and it seems the only way we can live together is if I move in with them." he said sadly.

"Are you sure its worth it?" Francesca asked with an air of disinterest.

Cole nodded but he was not happy.

Francesca finally asked carefully "This sudden rush to be back with your wife, I have noticed you know, you've been alone since I started working for you and suddenly, she's there, telling you that to do, taking charge, making decisions. Are sure this is what you want? Look I'm trying not to interfere." and she ignored Cole's incredulous expression "All you've done lately is wander around not sure where you are and you could just wake up and find out maybe it isn't where you ought to be."

He smiled "You mean I might wake up one day and find out that I'm stuck with bossy little madam who won't understand that I might want something different to her; who thinks the solution to every problem is 4 hours of talking or sex; who takes herself to seriously or not seriously enough; who can leave you speechless because she is so guileless or because she spouts out unbelievable insight and you never know which one you are going to get. Sometimes both in the same sentence. "

"Something like that" Francesca conceded.

"I know Phoebe" he said with a warmth in his voice that Francesca could recognise as only one thing "She demands, she holds me to account" and the smile the one that he saved for Phoebe crossed his face "it saved me. " Then he added "To know Phoebe is to love her, damn her. "

"The pair of you deserve each other" said Francesca sardonically.

**..........................................................................................**

Phoebe made Cole spend Saturday, cleaning the apartment, getting clothes and linen laundered and packing. She happily emptied closets and drawers and made him pack up work papers and law books and return them to his office. She found the drawer full of scarves, trinkets and jewellery that he had brought back as presents for her, from all the beaches he had run to in the last year to escape his pain. She demanded to know what they were and when Cole awkwardly and uncomfortably explained, Phoebe ran to him and threw her arms around his neck. He lifted her and she planted a huge kiss on his lips and whispered I love you. She spent a happy hour trying on scarves, and earrings and bracelets and pendants while Cole spent an even happier hour, packing law papers and watching her play with the toys he bought her.

She found another box and put all the trinkets in it. She put the box beside the suitcases they had already packed. "Phoebe's pile" she said firmly. Cole smiled happily. He was smiling less happily when he realised by the time they finished packing, Phoebe's pile included all his linen, half his books, all his CD's and four of his T-shirts. He thought he was lucky she had not thought of a reason to claim ownership of his suits.

Saturday night was the last night in Cole's apartment. Cole and Phoebe had a wild, wild party for the two of them. To much food, to much alcohol, to much sex. Their last night of being lovers, the end and the beginning.

They woke up the next morning in a tangle of arms and legs. Cole managed to disentangle himself and sit up "Oh shit" he said falling back on the pillow "Remind me never to do that again" he said.

"Why not" Phoebe demanded sitting up "Oh shit" she said falling back on the pillow.

They looked at each other and laughed and then stopped "Don't make me laugh" Cole bit out. Phoebe dragged herself to straddle him "Don't "he said "I mean it. Don't. Please. Phoebe. Be nice. Phoebe. Be good. Phoebe. Please. Be kind." he begged.

They showered and decided coffee was good enough for breakfast. Phoebe stripped the bed and packed the last things from the kitchen while Cole took boxes and suitcases down to the car. He came back and Phoebe took a last check to see nothing had been left behind. Cole did not bother. He just pressed the elevator button.

The elevator came and Cole picked up the last suitcase and went in. Phoebe followed him, carrying the box from the kitchen. Cole pressed the garage button and leaned against the side of the elevator. Phoebe leaned against the other.

A second a later he sighed "Going back"

Phoebe smiled gently and answered "Going forward"

"Going somewhere" he said then with the smile he saved for her added "with you."

"Together" she answered stretching her free hand to him. He took it as the elevator arrived at the garage, then he picked up the suitcase and they walked to the car still holding hands. The bell on the elevator rang and the door shut but neither bothered to look back.

**……………………………………………………………… **

**_On a beach in Ireland so many years in the future, a man sat alone, blue eyes reflected green in the sea light, not a young face nor old face but one that carried the memory of ages. He watched the sea as he lived his memories, looking backward because he had not, thank god, been afflicted with the knowledge of the future. He only had the gift of memory._**

****

**_He could live off the memories of the things she had brought him, the joy and pain, small things, games and jokes and shared moments, anger and laughter, memories of a lifetime together, memories of how she had brought him hope, fulfilment, peace, a never ending sense of belonging. _**

****

**_He sighed and smiled, the smile he saved for her, the memory of love so brief, only one small life time so many years ago, so real and as clear to him as yesterday. The memory of love was enough to face an eternity alone. _**

****

**_ THE END _**

  
**....................................................**


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